


Eyes Open

by demonsweat



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Action, Angst, Ass-Kicking, Bromance, Explicit Language, Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Originally Posted on deviantART, Psychological Horror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-08
Updated: 2014-07-17
Packaged: 2018-02-08 01:23:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 75,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1921374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonsweat/pseuds/demonsweat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Donatello is gravely injured with no hope in sight. As he suffers, so too do his brothers alongside him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The TMNT and TMNT universe are copyright Nickelodeon and Viacom Entertainment, based on characters created by Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird. This story is non-profit and free to the fans.
> 
> A/N: Another from my archives, I wrote this in 2010. The is the one that started the "who heals the healer" theme that shows up in a few of my fics. Plus, I never cared for the fact that Donatello is sometimes portrayed as a weak fighter, so I felt I had to rectify that a bit. Enjoy! And thanks for reading. 
> 
> *(For the purposes of this story, the Battle Nexus is just an in-joke, referring to a tournament-style video game. There is no continuity here with the actual 2k3 episodes.)

****

Prologue

_“The one in purple. Only him.”_

_“Understood, my Lord.”_

**\----------------------------------**

Raphael ran at breakneck speed, clutching his shivering brother tight. He could feel the warmth of his body radiating. Fear drove him into a state of raw power. His thoughts bent on his task, he urged himself forward. _Go, go, go, go … keep goin’ … just gotta get to the lair … c’mon, faster!_ Every muscle was on fire, but it didn’t matter. He’d entered that state of pure adrenaline; the pain and exhaustion pushed from his mind completely.

 _Hardly matters though … don’t know what’s at the lair that’s gonna help him._ He nearly lost his footing at the thought, stumbling slightly but catching himself.

“Raph! You alright?” Leo looked up at him, concerned.

“… Fine,” he managed. Leonardo had been keeping pace beside, desperately trying to talk to Donatello in an effort to keep him conscious. Don was losing the fight quickly. His eyes fluttered, and his words soon degenerated into nothing but painful moans.

“Don! C’mon, Donnie!” Leo’s voice was commanding, trying to will his brother awake. “Raph! Maybe we should stop for a second!”

“Almost … there …” Raph said between gasps of air. He was a machine, its only function to move forward. _Almost there … go, go ... just keep goin’._

He was right, they were nearly there and Leo didn’t press the issue. Though they were driven to get Don to a safe place, Leo shared his brother’s feelings of helplessness. _But what do we do when we get there? Don said it himself, it’s too late …_ He tried not to think about it. _No matter. Master Splinter will know what to do._

 

****

Chapter 01

The lair was quiet. A rare thing on any day to be sure, but today’s peace was partly in thanks to the two more boisterous turtles’ absence. Leonardo sat in the kitchen, sipping tea and trying to enjoy the time off, but found that his thoughts kept wandering. He closed the book he’d been reading and looked down at his knee, where a neat brace had been fixed. He sighed. _As nice as this is,_ he thought, _I wish I was over there helping too._

The sprain hadn’t been serious, but Leo thought it prudent not to overdo it. The faster it healed, the faster he’d be back in top shape, something he was really itching for. It wasn’t uncommon to see braces or bandages on one or more of the brothers at a time; with the sort of lifestyle they led it was a rather ordinary sight. Donatello had been adamant that he take it easy for a few days and keep heat on it, advice he followed pretty strictly. After all, Don would know.

Leo’s brow furrowed. _Speaking of Don, where’s he been all day, anyways?_ Their house engineer was often working on something, but the day was waning and Leo realized that he hadn’t even heard a peep from the workshop all day. _Odd. Maybe he did end up going over to April’s after all._ Just as he was beginning to think more on it, his attention was taken away by the sound of the front door, the voices of Michelangelo and Raphael pouring through it a moment after. “Hmm, they’re early,” he mumbled out loud to himself. 

The two turtles entered the kitchen, splattered head to toe in paint. Leo didn’t have to say anything, the look he gave them was enough.

“He started it,” Mike said guiltily, pointing at Raphael.

“Did not.” Raph stood, arms crossed and eyes narrow. “But I sure ended it.” He gave a toothy grin.

“Oh, you know I would’ve gotcha good if … uh, if April hadn’t kicked us out.”

“Ugh, you guys.” Leo buried his face in his hands, “Need I remind you that you were both over there to _help_ April, not to drive her crazy all day. I knew I should’ve come along.”

“Ah, we weren’t so bad – really, Leo. I think Casey got on her nerves more than we did anyways.” Mike plopped down in one of the kitchen chairs, stretching. 

“Not surprised there.” Leo smiled, and the other two chuckled in unison. “Well, I hope you guys at least got the place looking nice.”

“Heh, just wait’ll ya see it - shit looks damn near professional. I think me and Mikey missed our callin’.”

“No doubt! This could be a new business venture for us, Raph! Ninja home décor – _your ugly walls vanish without a trace!”_

“Huh. I’ll pass.” He turned towards Leo. “Anybody seen the egghead today? I gotta ask him about that system he’s got rigged up over there. Freakin’ alarm tripped off three times while Mikey an’ I were workin’. Apparently it’s driving April nuts, too.”

“Nope. You know, come to think of it, I haven’t actually seen Don since yesterday’s exercises.” Leo’s brow furrowed again at the thought.

“Hm, yeah. Me neither. He’s hibernatin’ again, probably workin’ on another one a his _great inventions.”_ Raphael raised his hands in the air for emphasis, mocking the absent turtle. “’Course, if he was doin’ something really good, like say, givin’ my bike an upgrade …” He trailed off, daydreaming of the possibilities.

Mike piped up. “Oh you didn’t know? Donnie’s throwing in a whole turret system, y’know, big ol’ guns on either side, grenade launcher on the back ...”

“What, really?” Raph’s eyes suddenly became huge. He realized his mistake a split second before the laughter started.

Gasping, Mike managed, “No, not ‘really!' You think Donnie would trust _you_ with a grenade launcher?” He broke into another fit, wrapping his arms around his middle. “Oh man, Raph, you are _so_ gullible-”

Raphael hardly moved an inch. He stood still, arms crossed and eyes no more than slits. His expression never changed. But Leonardo caught sight of the green blur a second before Raph’s foot shot out. With a loud _crack,_ the chair Michelangelo was sitting in became horizontal, the unfortunate turtle still seated in it. 

_“-ahahaha-_ AH! Ow …”

Leonardo sighed. “Anyways. I guess I should go and have a talk with him. It’s all well and good that he’s working on his things, but he can’t go neglecting his other responsibilities. Namely, to himself – I haven’t seen him come out for a meal in the last twenty-four hours either, so I imagine he’s forgetting to eat again too.” 

“Ah, I say let ‘em be. If he don’t wanna come out, he don’t wanna come out. You know how Donnie gets sometimes, just wrapped up in stuff. One day he’s gonna burst outta there with the cure for cancer, or somethin’.” Raphael rolled his eyes, adding, “If he wakes me up again for one a his _great discoveries,_ it better be a cure for somethin’. Somebody needs to tell him the rest a us don’t care about spore molds as much as he does.”

Ignoring Raphael’s rant, Leo went on. “Yeah well, it’s not good for him. He needs to take better care of himself. I’ve gotten after him before about missing meals especially.”

“So I take it you’re gonna go in an’ give him one of your famous lectures,” Raphael said bitterly. "Lucky him.”

“Don’t start in with me, Raph.” Leonardo shook his head, sounding tired. “You know I’m the one that keeps the machine running around here. Otherwise, you’d sleep all day, Mike would go blind from video games, and Don - well, Don would never come out of his lab.”

“Oh gimme a break Leo, enough with your ‘I gotta keep the machine runnin’ speech. Don’tcha ever get tired of repeatin’ yourself?” Raph was still feeling sore about Mike’s little joke and the words came out harder than he intended.

“Once you start _listening_ to what I say, little brother, I’ll stop repeating myself.” 

“Oh believe me, I’m listenin’ - I got no choice. Like an annoying fly buzzin’ around I can’t seem to swat.” Raph leaned in close. “Maybe Don’s got the right idea. Gonna lock myself in my room for a day or two and say I’m ‘workin’ too.”

“So I’m an annoying bug then? Real mature, Raph. We don’t even know why Don’s locked up in there anyways, he could be sick or something.” Leo had his arms crossed, ready to fire off some more. Tension was building, and this was ramping up to be another classic blowout between the two elder turtles, but something stopped them before it got too out of hand. 

“Oh, I think Donnie’s holed up ‘cause he’s bummed out about training.” They had forgotten about Mike, who’d apparently decided the floor was just fine. Having slipped the handheld game system from his belt, he was now sitting cross-legged and fully engaged in the device. 

The arguing turtles turned in his direction. “W-what was that?” Leonardo stammered.

“Hm? Oh, yeah – I guess he’s been blowin’ it in practice or something. I dunno.” He sneered suddenly at the game. “Aw c’mon! I totally had that guy!” 

“Hey Mikey, focus.” Raph bent over him, snapping his fingers. “What was that about Donnie now?”

“Huh? Oh, nothin’ really. He helped me get the PS3 online yesterday, and that was so awesome, ‘cause now I can finally download all those custom levels for LBP and duuude … it’s _so_ great. I’ve been bugging him to hook me up _forever._ I mean, it’s only like, the best game ever. And you should _see_ some of the custom levels they got on there-”

“Mike! Forget the game.” Leonardo was firm, but managed to keep his patience. It was sometimes difficult to get Michelangelo to complete a thought, something that often frustrated his family members. “What’s this about him ‘blowing it?' I haven’t noticed anything different in practice. Did he say something?”

“Well, kinda. He was in one of his funks. You know how he acts all annoyed with stuff. Grumbling a lot, sighing, that sort of thing.”

“Yeah well, maybe he was just tired,” Raph said. “Or maybe you were gettin’ on his nerves. I can sympathize.”

“Hey, you’re so funny,” Mike said without taking his eyes from the game. “But he was saying some weird stuff when I was leaving, something about him being a crappy ninja, or something.” Glancing around, Mike’s eyes suddenly lit up. “No way! Guys, check out that spider over there – it’s huge! Thing’s like an animal! I should give him a name. What do you think of, ‘Eduardo?'”

“I think ya must a hit yer head down there. C’mon.” Raphael extended an arm, helping the younger turtle off of the floor. 

“Mike, what did he say exactly?” Leonardo suddenly looked very concerned.

“Huh? Oh, about being a crappy ninja?” Mike snapped the device shut, giving them his full attention. “Well, I told him thanks, y’know, for hooking up the PS3, and then I said something about us doing topside training this week. I said he better get his geeky butt away from the computer and get ready, ‘cause I wanted some real competition this time around.” Mike looked confused, suddenly. “I mean, I was just talkin’ a little smack, ‘cause I crushed him pretty hard the other day in sparring practice … I didn’t think he was gonna get all serious about it.”

“What–did–he-say?” Leo repeated, his patience for this beginning to wear.

“I dunno exactly, but it was something like, ‘what’s the point?’ Then he went into this thing about how he just holds us back, an’ that he’s never gonna be a ‘great warrior,’ or something … said he should give up being a ninja and just do science stuff instead.” Mike strained to think, the action looking like it was almost causing him pain. Shrugging, he said, “To be honest, I was pretty sunk into the game, so I kinda tuned out after that.”

Raphael and Leonardo just stared at him, their jaws dropping simultaneously. Leo broke the silence. “H-he said what?”

“An’ you didn’t think to tell us any of this until now.” Raphael debated knocking his younger brother to the floor a second time.

“Oh, c’mon guys, he wasn’t serious. I mean, I don’t _think_ he was. Dude, Leo’s training sessions make me wanna give it up some days, too.” He grinned wide for a second but dropped the expression when the serious looks on his brothers’ faces didn’t change. “What? You guys really think Donnie doesn’t wanna be a ninja anymore? That’s crazy.”

Leo exchanged a look with Raphael. “Maybe so, but it’s not a matter to be taken lightly. I should get to the bottom of this. I’m going in there.”

“Yeah, uh,” Raphael added, “think I might join ya, actually.”

“Oh really.” Leo eyed him suspiciously. “Since when is _Mr.-less-talk-more-action_ interested in his brothers’ feelings? I don’t need a babysitter, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Recalling what they’d just been arguing about moments before, Leo got the impression that Raph felt he needed to mediate. _Jeez,_ he thought, _it’s Donatello. What does he think I’m going to say?_

That was exactly what Raphael had been thinking, but he bit his tongue for now. “Nah, I just wanna make sure he ain’t gonna do anything dumb, is all.” _Like hang himself after listening to your long-winded ass._ He tried not to smile at the thought. “’Sides, I gotta say somethin’ about April’s security system, or she’ll chew my head off.”

“Yeah, well have fun with that.” Mike got up and started rummaging though one of the cupboards. “Me an’ Eduardo here are gonna hang back and spend some quality time together. Hey, do spiders just eat bugs, or other stuff too? You think Ed here would go for some cereal? I really hope so, ‘cause that’s about all we got left…” Mike suddenly realized that his brothers had already walked away. “Pfft. _Rude._ Oh well, guess it’s just you an’ me, buddy. Here, have some Lucky Charms.”

**\----------------------------------**

“There are some things you could improve on, that is true,” Leo started, “but that can be said for all of us. None of us is without our flaws. I mean, I tend to over-think situations. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in maneuvers that I let my guard down, or worse, I don’t support the three of you enough. Mike, he’s always losing focus as you well know, and Raphael – jeez, just look at Raph. He talks back, defies orders, _constantly_ loses his temper, goes headfirst into a fight like a stubborn mule, and just the other day-”

“ALRIGHT, Leo. I think he gets the point.” Raph shot his brother a pissed off look.

Don couldn’t help but smile a little. “Yeah, I guess. I mean, I know all that of course, but …” He trailed off a bit, struggling to find the words. “But it’s more than that.” Centering on Leo, he said, “Look. I know why you’re here, and the pep-talk isn’t necessary. You and I both know that I’m a weak link.” He looked away then, unable to make eye contact.

“What do you mean?” Leo pressed him.

Don shot back at him, almost defiantly. “You think I haven’t noticed that our formations have completely changed? Sure, it started slow at first - at first I just thought I was being paranoid. But these days, there’s no doubt about it. You guys practically form a circle around me every time we engage the Foot.” 

“Ah, that ain’t true-” Raph began to brush him off.

“No he’s right.”

Raphael stopped, looking at Leo with total shock. “What?”

“He’s right. I have been … altering our tactics.” He looked squarely at Raphael. “Just like he said, to better protect Donatello.”

“What the hell, Leo. You can’t be serious.” You could hear it in Raph’s voice; there was that calm, psychotic quality that told his two brothers that there could be violence in the near future.

Leo completely ignored him, instead turning back to Donatello, who was now sitting and hanging his head in shame. He kneeled in front of his brother, placing both hands on his shoulders. “Don, look at me.” Donatello slowly did as he was instructed, dreading the next words out of Leo’s mouth. “It’s not what you think. I can’t believe you think this way, I guess I’d always assumed that you just knew-”

Don frowned. “I don’t understand, knew what?”

Leo stood back up, looking at Raphael for support. Realization was setting in, and the more volatile turtle was looking a bit more subdued now. _Of course,_ Leo thought, _now he knows what I’m about to say._ He turned his attention back to his purple-banded brother. “Don. This is a little awkward to say, but basically – you’re just too valuable to us. Your knowledge of … well, _everything …_ has made our survival possible.”

“What – you’re not serious? So what are you trying to say, that you guys couldn’t get by without me? I hardly think that’s true …” But Donatello didn’t sound so sure. He understood what Leo was saying, but it was hard to hear it out loud. Did they really depend on him that much?

“Dude, you’re like the medic.” Michelangelo’s voice came wafting in, between munching sounds. He stood there in the doorway, taking another bite of the apple he was holding and went on. “Yeah, you know, like in all those war games? You always got your guys on the front line, your artillery guys, demolition dudes, spies an’ shit. Then there’s the medics, the guys that heal everybody else. Everybody knows to protect that guy – actually, the other team will always try to take him down first, ‘cause it pretty much guarantees a win.”

“So – so you guys feel like you have to … have to use your lives to protect mine?” Donatello was suddenly very upset. “Who gets to decide that my life is more important than my brothers’?” He looked hard at Leo. “This isn’t a damn game!”

Leo looked apologetic, but stood his ground. “Like I said, it’s not something we really talk about, but … it’s something we all agree on. I know it’s not an easy topic.” He swallowed. “But that’s the hard fact. If Raphael, Mike, or myself - if any of us get taken down, then the rest of us could probably adjust. But it’s different with you, Don. We just don’t have your knowledge. We literally couldn’t survive.”

“So ‘the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few’ then? Who do you think you are, deciding our fates like this? Don’t I get a say?” It was odd for them to hear the normally passive turtle express any amount of anger, and all three looked a bit surprised at the way he sounded now. 

“Again, I know it sounds harsh out loud,” Leo ran a hand over his head, running fingers through non-existent hair. “And I’m sorry we didn’t discuss it with you sooner. But think of it like this. Let’s say you’re out of the picture, and one of us gets hurt. Mikey breaks his leg, or something. With you around, it’s hardly a concern, right? But what if I had to set it, or Raph? We could screw it up, and Mike might never walk again. Or worse, he could get an infection and die.”

“Dude, weak.” Mike paused to interject between bites. 

“Shuddup, Mikey.” Raph said absently, giving him a shove.

Leo continued. “Look it’s not an easy decision for me, contrary to what you might think. But if given the choice between losing one brother or losing them all, you know what I’m going to do.” 

Donatello looked anxious. “I still can’t help but think that my skills as a fighter are in question here, since you all seem to feel as though I need protection.”

Leonardo shook his head. “Don, it wouldn’t matter to me if you were the world’s greatest ninja, able to take on the Shredder and half of the Foot Clan yourself. Tactically speaking, this is just the smartest way to go.”

“Yep.” Raphael finally broke in. “As much as I hate to agree with him, Leo’s right. Guess we kinda need that big brain of yours more than ya think.”

Donatello sighed. “I don’t know. This doesn’t sit well with me.”

“And I hate to bring this kind of burden down on you, but that’s how it is. I’ve spoken with Master Splinter about this in length, and he agrees. Don – you know I’m right about this. We’d be lost without you.”

Though he’d calmed considerably, Donatello wasn’t looking happy. “I guess … I guess I kind of always knew that in the back of my head, I just didn’t want to really believe it.”

“Ah, c’mon. At least ya ain’t the ninja fuck-up ya thought ya were.” 

“Yep, you’re just our MVP, Donnie – or uh, I guess that would be MVT, actually. Or MVN?” Mike, his apple now finished, stood twirling the core. “Of course, you’re no _Battle Nexus champion*_ or anything, but hey – _OW!”_ Raphael didn’t waste time with any words, instead smacking his open palm into the side of Mike’s head. “That hurt, Raph!”

“Don, why don’t you come out of this cave and get something to eat with us? I think it’s Mikey’s turn to make dinner tonight,” Leo said.

Still rubbing the side of his head, Michelangelo brightened up. “Ooh yeah! Prepare yourself for Chef Mikey’s three-bean taco explosion! Maybe I’ll add a fourth bean this time, who knows – we’ll get crazy up in here!”

“Great,” Raphael groaned, “that’s just what I wanted to do, is share a space with four otha’ guys after an all-bean meal.”

That caused Michelangelo to burst out laughing. As they began to head out, he turned to Raph and said, “I’m having seconds tonight just for you, dude.”

Leo hung back for a moment, letting the other two get some distance. “So, you coming?” He looked down at Donatello, the worry still present in his voice.

“Yeah ... yeah. Sorry Leo, I didn’t mean to get so heated. I know you’re just trying to protect us.” He stood up. “I guess I always look at the work I do as improving our lives, making it more comfortable. But that’s not just it, is it?”

Leo shook his head. “Your medical knowledge especially has become a necessity to us. Maybe if our enemies weren’t so much of a threat …” Leo got that look again, the one that told Donatello he spent more than a few sleepless nights pondering this issue. “You know how much stronger the Foot are getting. And I know you’ve noticed the increase in our own injuries of late because of it.” He looked down at his knee brace almost shamefully.

“Don’t remind me. It’s been a real pain to keep our supplies stocked.” Donatello rubbed his temple. “I don’t know Leo, I’m not sure how I feel about all this. Knowing that my entire family’s survival is so dependent on me …” He trailed off, giving his brother an understanding look. 

“Sucks, doesn’t it?” Leo grinned wide. “But we do what’s necessary. It’s tough I know, but you’ve got to admit, it does feel good to be needed also. C’mon, I know it strokes that nerd ego of yours a little bit.” 

“Okay, you got me there. I guess it does feel good to know all my hard work is appreciated, at least.” Donatello rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “Alright, I’m ready for some food. Tacos actually sound pretty good right now.”

“Yeah, say what you want about Mikey, but he sure can cook.” Leo smiled again, but his thoughts betrayed his demeanor. As they walked out, he thought back to something Mike had said, unable to shake the uneasy feeling those words stirred in him. 

_“… the other team will always try to take him down first, ‘cause it pretty much guarantees a win.”_


	2. Chapter 2

“Call.” Raph tossed a Milky Way and three Crunch bars into the pot.

Mike slammed his cards down. “Finally! I gotcha this time, Raph – read ‘em and weep!” Mike was showing a nice straight, ace high. He began to reach for the prize.

“Ah, ah – not so fast.” Raphael grabbed Mike’s wrist and dropped his cards. “I believe flush beats a straight.”

Everyone laughed. It was another game night at April’s, tonight’s pick courtesy of the turtle currently sitting on the largest pile of "money."

“Aww …” Mike groaned. “C’mon, Raph, that was the last of my money!” He crossed his arms, pouting. “Hey Donnie – gimme a loan, would ya? C’mon, I’m good for it!”

“Hm,” Don responded. “Somehow I’m thinking that would be a poor investment on my part.” 

Mike looked pleadingly at their oldest brother. “Leo?”

“Forget it Mike, you already burned through the first loan I gave you. Besides, look at Raph’s pile! How are we ever going to take him down if you keep eating all the profits?”

“Aw, c’mon guys! I won’t eat any more, I promise!”

“Here Mikey,” April cut in, “I’ll give you some of Casey’s, since he apparently doesn’t need it.” She didn’t sound thrilled about that fact and the brothers knew Casey was in for it when he did arrive. She gave Mike a heaping handful of assorted candy. “Serves him right for being so late,” she grumbled.

“Awesome! Casey’s loss is my gain.” Mike promptly tore open a wrapper and tossed a bite-size Snickers into his mouth.

“Mikey!” Leo looked at him annoyed. 

“Just one, I promise! I need the sugar to think.” He grinned a chocolatey grin at them.

“Actually, the sugar is most likely causing you to lose more focus.” Donatello rolled his eyes. “If such a thing were even possible. Whose idea was it to place a boatload of candy in front of the ADHD turtle, again?”

The room rippled with laughter once again. “AD-what-D? Whatever. I don’t speak geek.” Michelangelo began to undo yet another wrapper.

“He MEANS-” Leo grabbed Mike’s hand, causing the candy to fall, “-you have trouble paying attention.” He dropped his look to the fallen candy to emphasize the point.

“Oh. Right.” Mike giggled in spite of himself. 

Leo put his head in his hands. “Whose deal is it?”

“C’mon Leo, we’re not beat yet. I didn’t realize you liked this game that much.” Donatello clapped his brother lightly on the back.

“I don’t. But Raph creams us every time. I just want to wipe that smug smile off his face for once.” He looked shrewdly over at Raphael, who appeared quite pleased with himself, as a matter of fact.

Raphael chuckled. “You’re up, Einstein.” He pushed the cards towards Donatello. Suddenly, he reached down towards his belt. “Eh, hold up … phone’s goin’ off.” He took a look at his cell. “It’s Case.”

“Ha! Casey called Raph? He must’ve been too chicken to call you, April.”

“Mike, shush.” Leo looked serious. Everyone’s attention was suddenly on Raphael.

“Okay, just stay where you are, and don’t get seen.” Raph was standing up, nodding at the others to do the same. “We’re on our way. Yeah, I’ll be sure to tell ‘er.” He snapped the phone closed.

“What’s wrong? Is he alright!”

“S’alright Ape, Casey’s fine. Just ran into a little trouble an’ could use some backup.” He headed toward the window, opening it up and motioning for the others to file out. “Saw somebody prowlin’ around the shop downstairs an’ chased ‘em off.” He turned towards April and looked at her squarely. “Keep yer doors and windows locked. You got yer phone?”

“Y-yeah, here it is.” She swept it off the counter.

“Keep it close.”

“Raph,” Leo interjected, “maybe one of us should stay behind, to make sure April’s safe.”

“She’ll be alright Leo, Case said he scared the guys off anyways.” He gave his brother a look that said, _let it go, I’ll explain later._ “She can protect herself pretty well now anyways.” He gave her a strained smile.

April puffed up a bit. “Right, don’t worry about me! Just go get that dummy and bring him back here.”

Leonardo perched deftly on the windowsill. “Alright. Remember your training, April. And call if you hear even the slightest noise.”

“Understood!” She closed the window after him, locking it securely. Her face fell. She knew Raphael hadn’t been giving her the whole story; she was a lot more perceptive than they gave her credit for. _Dammit Casey,_ she thought, _you’d better come back alive, you jerk._

**\----------------------------------**

“Alright Raph, you want to fill us in now?”

Leo sounded pretty annoyed, as he usually did when he wasn’t in control. Ordinarily, Raphael would’ve let their leader stew for a bit, but there wasn’t time for any screwing around. “It’s the Foot – Case caught ‘em snoopin’ around April’s shop, like I said.” He leaped down the fire escape to the street below, the other three turtles following behind.

Donatello groaned. “And the stupid alarm _didn’t_ go off this time?” He shook his head. “I give up. Patching it up over and over is pointless, I’m just going to have to reinstall a whole new system …”

“So where’s the urgency?” Leo asked. “You seemed pretty adamant that we all come along.” Raph was leading them towards the west side. “Let me guess, ‘a couple of Foot’ suddenly became ‘a lot more Foot’?”

“Bingo. He was talkin’ pretty fast, but from what I gathered, those guys he was tailin’ met up with a few of their buddies. I guess they did a number on him, ‘cause he said he was gonna look for a place to hole up ‘til we get there.” 

“He’s injured?” Leonardo’s brow furrowed.

Raphael sucked in breath. “He didn’t sound too good.”

“Alright. Don, you got Casey’s position yet?”

Donatello peered into his phone. “Got him! Washington and Twelfth, down Twelfth a little bit.”

“Hmm. It’s going to take us a little while to get there on foot. What do you think, Don? Should we turn back and grab April’s van?”

Donatello scrunched up his face, thinking. “I don’t know, it might not be a good idea at this point. By the time we get back, get in and get on the road, it will take just about as long. It might take longer, depending on traffic.” 

“They got some street fair goin’ on down there,” Raphael interrupted. "Some of the boulevard’s been closed off all week.”

Leonardo frowned at his brother, thinking: _And just how would you know that? Sneaking out at night again, no doubt._ But there wasn’t time to argue. Instead, he said, “Right, we hoof it, then. Let’s take this underground, guys – we’ll be able to move faster down there.” Leonardo headed towards the nearest manhole, opened it and waved his brothers in. 

They moved quickly, Leonardo in the lead with Donatello at his side and giving directions. Don periodically kept checking his phone as they went, and noted at one point that Casey’s signal stopped moving. He tried to sound upbeat as he told the others; it probably meant that Casey had most likely found a good place to hide and wait. Probably, though dead bodies weren’t known to move much, either. Don grimaced, pushing the idea out of his head.

“Okay, we’re getting close. Time to get quiet, guys.” All three nodded in understanding. Leo climbed the ladder there, peeking out from underneath the manhole cover. When he was sure it was safe, he moved out onto the street, the others filing behind. He fell into the shadows, keeping along the brick wall of the nearest alley and motioning for the others to join him.

Leonardo’s jaw literally dropped. As he peered around the corner, he could see that the street was crawling with Foot soldiers. He quickly turned back to his brothers and began signaling his orders. He pointed at Raphael and Donatello, and then motioned upwards and outwards. _You two, up on the rooftops_ – he then gestured towards himself and Mike and swept a hand low – _we’ll stay on the street._ Addressing Don and Raph, he then made a very specific hand signal – _do not engage._ He focused his stare on Raphael in particular, whose sour expression told them that he took great offense to being singled out. 

Breaking the stare, Leo pulled his phone, signaling next for Donatello to come over and take a look. When Leo had Casey’s signal up on his own cell, Don gave him an almost reluctant nod to confirm that it was correct. _That’s the extent of my help, I suppose,_ he thought. _Sending me off again to babysit Raphael, while he and Mike have all the fun._

Leo stowed the phone and looked up at them again, pressing a finger to his lips. _Stay quiet, all of you._ Before sending them off, he grabbed Raphael’s arm, repeating the same signal from before. _Do. Not. Engage._ Leo narrowed his eyes.

 _I can’t believe it,_ Raph thought. _Now I’m gettin’ lectured through sign language. He’s seriously turned nagging into an art form._ Raphael bared his teeth, shrugging off Leo’s hand. Immediately he started up the fire escape, Donatello in tow.

**\----------------------------------**

_There’s too many of them. I don’t like it._ Leo didn’t see any obvious reason why there would be so many of their enemies here. Don had kept a pretty detailed map of the properties bought up by Saki’s organization, and he couldn’t recall seeing any in this area. _Could be something new._ He wanted to believe it. But the soldiers weren’t behaving in a way that would indicate that they were guarding property. _They’re patrolling too wide an area… they’re looking for something. Someone,_ he corrected himself. But they most likely wouldn’t go through all of this for Casey, he knew that. Which was why they were keeping this mission to the shadows, Leo wasn’t about to walk his brothers right into such an obvious trap.

He afforded a look at Michelangelo, who was following his movements perfectly. He suddenly felt an older sibling pride swell in him. _As spastic as Mikey is most of the time,_ he thought, _it always amazes me how well he actually performs when it matters._ He checked the phone’s GPS again. They were nearly on top of Casey now. Leo peered in through a nearby window. It was dark, but from what he could tell, the building looked abandoned. _That’s got to be it – he’s in there somewhere._ He looked at Michelangelo and nodded, Mike returning the gesture with a wink. Leo turned away, his mouth twisting, trying to stifle the smile that was forming there. _Performs well … but never serious._ He turned his attention back to the building and began to creep around the back, looking for possible entry points.

Inside, Michelangelo had to struggle to hold back a sneeze. _Jeez, and I thought the lair was dusty... this place is the warehouse that time forgot._ He blinked rapidly, trying to get his eyes to adjust. Leo was crouched along the wall nearby, taking a moment to get his own bearings. The place was starting to come into focus. It was pretty dark, but Michelangelo could make out the shape of a large room, mostly empty. He strained to hear any noise, but it was utterly silent. _Is Leo sure Casey’s in here?_ He knew Leo wouldn’t pull out the phone now, the light would most certainly give away their position. Squinting, Mike could just barely see the outline of some junk along the far wall. _Well, if he’s in here, that would be the only place to hide._ As if he could hear Mike’s thoughts, Leo made eye contact and nodded at him. He then turned in that direction and began to creep forward. _Whoa! I always suspected Leo had secret mind-powers! I’ll bet it some ninja technique he’s not sharing. Hey Leo, if you can hear this, gimme a sign! Turn around and look at me right now!_

To Michelangelo’s disappointment, Leonardo did not turn around. _Aw … so much for secret powers then. Wait! Unless you don’t want your secret to get out - of course! That’s gotta be it. Hey Leo, it’s cool, I won’t tell! C’mon Leo, look at me! Lookatmelookatmelookatmelookatme –_

Leo suddenly stopped moving. Michelangelo’s heart skipped a beat. _Oh shi-_

But Leo did not turn to look at his brother. Instead, he bent towards the floor, investigating something there. _Oh. Jeez,_ that _was freaky!_ Exhaling the breath he’d been holding, Mike moved to crouch next to his brother, but found himself unable thanks to the steel at his throat.

**\----------------------------------**

The higher ground was pretty light on enemies, nothing like the street below, but enough to keep things interesting. Raphael held up a hand, telling the one following behind him to stop. He had assumed the lead as they reached the rooftop, to which Donatello happily complied. Though Raphael had vied for the position of team leader, he grudgingly had to accept that the job would always belong to Leo. As consolation though, the others always looked to him as an unofficial second-in-command when Leo wasn’t around.

Raphael peered carefully over the edge, looking for sign of his brothers below. After a moment he signaled for Donatello to join him. As they watched, two turtle-shaped shadows darted and weaved around the environment, making their way cautiously along the street.

Raph turned towards Donatello. Using the signals Leo had taught them, he spoke to his brother. He pointed to Don, gesturing towards the street below, and then held two fingers up to his own eyes. _Keep an eye on them._ He then laid a palm on his chest, cocking his head back with a bloodthirsty smile. _I’m gonna take care of business._

Don squinted at him, then held up the same sign Leo had used. _Do not engage …_ He followed it by turning both palms upwards. _What about that?_

Raphael’s face was utterly devoid of expression. He just stared at Don. 

Don looked away, rolling his eyes. _Oh, right. How could I forget._ He crossed his arms and looked at Raph, exasperated. _Following orders might kill you._

Raph smiled wide. _Glad to see we’re in agreement._ He tapped his wrist, then held up an open palm, followed by two fingers. _Back in five minutes._

Donatello nodded grudgingly, agreeing silently to Raphael’s orders for the sake of the mission. He wasn’t thrilled with sentry duty, but knew that arguing about it wasn’t worth compromising the task at hand. _Remember,_ he told himself, _we’re here to get Casey, that’s all. Don’t let your own hang-ups get in the way of that._ He sighed (quietly), watching as the two brothers below slinked along the backside of a large building.

Somewhat bored, Donatello began to reflect on the conversation they’d all had days before. _I appreciate that they think they need me so much,_ he thought, _I do. But I can’t let this go on. Maybe I should reconsider my … fighting style. It might make them take me a little more seriously in battle, anyways._

It was a question the passive turtle dealt with often. His brothers, they could do it. They each had their own reasons. Leo, it was easy for him to shut down when he felt his family threatened. Don figured that there probably wasn’t anything Leo wouldn’t do for them, really. For him, it was a necessary evil. Michelangelo probably had the least amount of remorse – not because of heartlessness of course, but because he just didn’t offer enough thought to the matter. Mike didn’t really focus on the dark stuff, and you had to admire him for that.

Raphael, well, he was of the same mindset as Leo, but – no. No, there was more to it than that, and they all knew it. It was true that Raph shared the "big brother" sense to protect them all, but the ultimate direness of their situation was a constant weight on his shoulders. _It’s where a lot of the anger comes from,_ thought Donatello. _He’d never show it, but I think he’s scared of the danger we’re always in._ Raph literally had no remorse. To him, every dead Foot soldier was one less they needed to worry about.

So Donnie couldn’t kill. So what. _It doesn’t make me weak,_ he thought. What he didn’t know was that his brothers would not have disputed that fact. Though it had been his philosophy since he began fighting, he still felt ostracized; as though he was not pulling his weight because of it. And now, even after Leo’s "you’re too important to us" speech, Donatello couldn’t help but feel that they still didn’t believe that he was a real asset in battle. 

_And so, I stay here on lookout, where it’s safe. Some ninja,_ he thought, _some warrior._ His internal clock said Raph had two more minutes, but he was feeling too antsy. Leo and Mike had disappeared into the building they’d been casing, and Don was feeling the adrenaline begin to surge. _Well, y’know … maybe I should make sure Raph’s alright._

Donatello started off in the direction he’d seen his brother go in.

**\----------------------------------**

Leo had stepped in something sticky. As he kneeled, the familiar metallic smell filled his nostrils and his worst suspicions were confirmed. _Blood. Damn._ He squinted, trying to see if the blood trailed off in any direction and picked out another object in the darkness – Casey’s cell. There it was, lying ominously in the crimson puddle, its owner nowhere to be seen.

The sight of the phone gave Leo a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. Again he thought, _I don’t like this,_ when he heard Mike’s breath behind him. The sound was deafening in his ninja ears. He stood and turned angrily, already beginning to recite the speech he would give to the younger turtle later.

Leonardo froze. “Karai.” She said nothing, instead pressing the dagger in closer to Michelangelo’s neck. Mike winced slightly at the pressure. Leo let his eyes flick away from her briefly, meeting those of his brother. “Release him.”

Mike gave him another quick wink, showing he understood. _Release him_ – it sounded like Leo was speaking to Karai, but it was actually code. Leo didn’t want Mike to try and break free just yet. _Good, Mikey, hang in there,_ he thought, _I’ll get you out of this._

Karai broke her silence. “I will not. You and your brothers must surrender to me.”

“So it’s finally come to this, has it? So much for your honor.” Leonardo knew that their truce was shaky at best, yet he couldn’t help but feel severe disappointment at seeing her here.

“It is not my choice. My master is most displeased with my performance, Leonardo. I must provide him with some results … or face exile.”

“So he would cast you out, for not delivering his enemies to him? Some ‘father.'”

She was defiant. “By allowing your family to slip under the radar, I have brought great shame to my own. My master does what he must do.”

“So that’s it then? You’ll kill us to fulfill the Shredder’s ambitions? I had thought better of you.” 

They were enemies. This was the truth of it, though their relationship was not that simple. There was no hatred between them, no burning desire for one to eliminate the other. They were enemies in name only; two soldiers fighting on opposite sides. Though his brothers would never have given her a second thought (he’d actually stopped Raphael from killing her once in the past), Leonardo could not help but feel empathy for her situation. He saw the struggle in her, knew that she stood ever at the crossroads between her honor and her duty to Oroku Saki, the man she called Master. The man she called Father.

He looked at her long, now. _Are we not both bound by duty to our fathers?_ She’d said to him once. It was true in a sense. He knew that she felt the same burden, the weight of responsibility and love for her master. They were both commanders of the opposing army, tethered to this seemingly unwinnable war. _But the difference,_ thought Leo, _is that my heart is in my cause, whereas yours is conflicted._

Maybe that was why he, aside from his brothers, was able to pity her. At first the others had given him a hard time about it, making lewd jokes mostly, but Leo never reacted. Oddly enough, the teasing never seemed to get under his skin. He’d just get quiet and withdrawn. It was awkward enough that the jokes stopped soon after they began. Don had long suspected that Leo and Karai even met in secret, but when he spoke of it, Raphael brushed that theory off as ridiculous. And though Raph refused to believe that Leo would consort with the enemy, deep down he did have his own misgivings. Could it be true that the oldest of them actually had feelings towards this woman? If he did, it was something that only Leo knew.

“It does not have to be so, Leonardo. If only my father were never to see or hear of you again, if you were to disappear from the city-”

He cut her off. “You know we will never do that.”

Her face looked pained. “I beg of you to reconsider. It does not have to be this way.”

“When will you understand? Your ‘father’ is a tyrant, Karai. Without us, he will bring so much more suffering to the people in this city. You are blind to his ways.” Leo said sharply, “Your love for him has made you weak.”

She scowled. “That may be so _mutant,_ but are you not just as weak?” His words had stung her, and she attempted to return the favor. “Let us see what you do when one of _your_ family is threatened.” She threw an elbow into the side of Michelangelo’s head, sending him reeling to the floor. Before either turtle could react, she threw the dagger, the whole of it burying itself into the soft tissue of Mike’s thigh.

“Ah!” Mike yelled out, clutching his leg.

Leonardo wasted no time. He threw the weight of his body into Karai, knocking her back and away from his brother. _“Leave him alone!”_

She fell, but rolled at the last second, managing to recover quickly. Leo, on the other hand, came crashing down hard, leaving himself entirely defenseless. She laughed. “You see? You too, would make great sacrifice for your loved ones.” Somehow, she’d managed to pull her sword in the confusion. It was now positioned neatly under Leonardo’s chin, pinning him to the ground.


	3. Chapter 3

He felt the warmth of each one, the last bit of life before it was over. One arm shot around, engulfing the Foot soldier’s face. He slipped the other arm around his enemy’s breast, squeezing him tight and mimicking a lover’s embrace. One quick twist, and it was done.

Methodically, Raphael pulled each corpse into the shadows so as not to attract attention. So far, the sweep had been uneventful; he hadn’t been seen, and had been able to dispatch each enemy in total silence. When he was satisfied that the immediate area was secure, Raph began to slip over to the adjacent rooftop. _Heh, nice an’ easy,_ he thought.

_Arrogance is your curse._ It was something Leo had said many a time, to Raphael’s deaf ears. Leo knew that Raph could handle himself; the hotheaded turtle was a pain to deal with, but his skills went unmatched. _Though what you fail to account for,_ Leo would say, _are the enemies you cannot see._ Raph was equally as skilled in the ways of stealth, and though he didn’t hate keeping to the shadows, he did hate sitting in them idly for too long. Leonardo, on the other hand, spent all of his free time studying battle strategies. When he wasn’t training or meditating, Leo was often in his room with his nose in a book. Raphael figured that it was a good skill to have, but like everything else, Leonardo took it way too far. Time and time again, their leader had held them back (Raphael especially) for one reason or another. _The key to winning in battle is to know your enemy’s mind,_ Leo had said once, _and it is best to proceed with caution until you do._ But there had been too much "caution" lately for Raphael’s taste.

Do not engage. Leo had been strict about that, but with the few amount of enemies in their proximity, Raphael didn’t see the harm in what he was doing. _‘Sides,_ he thought, _if the shit does hit the fan, it’ll be good to have a few less a these jerks around._ He’d been so careful, keeping himself hidden, waiting for each perfect opportunity. But careful as he was, it wasn’t enough on this night. Far in the distance, on a rooftop many buildings away, a pair of binoculars scanned the darkness. Through them, their owner noticed a severe lack of Foot soldiers where there had previously been several. 

Raphael slinked onto the next rooftop silently. There were only a few Foot milling around here. He made quick work of them, and then afforded himself a small peek over the edge of the building. _Don’t see the guys,_ he thought to himself, _they must be gettin’ close to our "target."_ Then, as an afterthought: _friggin’ Casey … you better still be alive down there, buddy._

He no sooner finished that thought when a loud crash came from behind. Instinctively, Raphael ducked down, turning in the direction of the noise. He held his breath, straining to hear. A few seconds later another crash was heard, louder this time, and allowing him to pinpoint exactly where it coming from. Several yards away was a door, an exit to the stairwell leading into this particular building. The door was cracked slightly open. _No ninja’s making all a that noise,_ he thought. _Probably a homeless guy or somethin’._ Nevertheless, he knew he had to investigate. He began to move.

Just as Raphael took the first step forward, something touched him on the shoulder. His sais were in his hands instantly. He turned and thrust outwards in a purely reactionary move. It was an attack that would’ve been lethal to one of less training, but the one looking at him now did not fit that description. 

With a loud _thunk_ noise, Donatello’s bo came up, knocking both sais upwards and away from his body. _Sheesh,_ he thought, _maybe sneaking up on Raph wasn’t such a good idea after all._

Seeing his brother but unable to stop the trajectory of his weapons, Raphael’s face froze suddenly in fear. When he realized that he did not, indeed, eviscerate Donatello, his expression settled back into that familiar pissed off look they all knew so well. “What the fuck, Donnie!” He hissed through clenched teeth. 

“Hey Raph,” Don whispered. “Nice to see you too.” 

“What the hell're ya doin’ here? I could a killed yer dumb ass!”

“It’s my fault you’re so touchy?” Don countered. “Do the Foot normally tap you on the shoulder, before they attack?”

“Huh. Ya got some nerve, Einstein-”

More noise suddenly came pouring out of the entryway, startling them both out of the argument. 

Don raised his bo. “What is it?”

“I dunno. Was just about to investigate, when _somebody_ broke my concentration.” 

“Hm.” Don ignored him. “It’s probably not one of the Foot, with all that noise.”

“S’what I was thinkin’.”

“It could be an animal, a cat or something.”

“Prob’ly right.” Just as the words left Raphael’s lips, they saw a hand emerge from the doorway, fumbling with the handle. After rustling around in what looked like an attempt to finish closing the door, the hand eventually gave up and retreated back inside.

“Okay,” said Donatello, his eyes wide, “so it’s not a cat.”

“I’m gonna go check it out.” He pulled out one sai, twirling it. “You stay here this time! Yer supposed to be keepin’ an eye on Leo and Mikey anyways!” _Ugh,_ he thought, _great, now I sound like Leo._

“I _have_ been,” Don said curtly. “They both went into that building a few minutes ago. So far so good.”

Raphael nodded. “Alright.” Raph didn’t say another word, he just turned and sprinted towards the door. He put his back to the outside wall, creeping around slowly from behind. At this range he was able to hear a voice inside, mumbling and cursing. _I recognize that voice,_ he thought. _Ya gotta be kiddin’ me._ He peeked inside.

Donatello divided his attention between Raphael and the street below. So far, there was no action from the other side. He sighed again. _At least things are fairly quiet up here,_ he thought, _I wonder how Leo and Mike are holding up?_ The view of the street remained unchanged; the grounded turtles were still currently out of view. He checked back with Raphael and could see that Raph was now peering inside the entryway. Suddenly, Raph did something completely unexpected – he threw the door open wide and just stood there, face-to-face with whomever was inside.

_What?_ Donatello snapped to attention. _He’s exposing himself! But why–_

It dawned on him. There was only one real explanation. Raphael turned and motioned for Don to come over, confirming his suspicions. Don afforded one last look over the ledge before joining him, seeing no sign of his brothers as he did so. _Leo, Mike … damn._

**\----------------------------------**

“Well, look who I found.” Raph had his arms crossed, looking down on the human.

Casey swung his head around drunkenly. “Hey-hey there, Donnie-boy.”

Donatello immediately moved in, examining the bloody spot on Casey’s skull. “Pretty good hit you took there, Casey,” he said. "How are you feeling?”

“Oh, you know … s’all sunshine, rainbows, an’ shit.” He began to giggle.

“Whew. Okay, I would say a definite concussion.” Donatello muttered, looking at his brother. “I don’t see any other signs of major trauma and the bleeding has stopped … but head injuries are always a wild card. He should definitely get to a hospital, Raph.”

Raphael looked beyond annoyed. “Well, good goin’ Case. Ya really fucked yourself up good this time. Ya wanna tell us what happened?”

“Foot.” Casey said. He looked like he was trying hard to form the words. “Waitin’ for me. Lotsa Foot.” He frowned, thinking. “Feet.” Casey broke out into a new round of laughter. 

Raphael turned to his brother. “Look at this lunatic. How do ya suppose he was able to hide up here at all? There were Foot crawlin’ all over just a minute ago.”

“He may not have been as confused as he is now,” Donatello said, continuing to prod and examine the human. "Sometimes these things take a bit to ‘settle in,' so to speak. I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that the Foot you saw were probably looking for him, though.” What Casey had said – that they were waiting for him – bothered Donatello. He looked carefully at the injured human. “Casey? Think now, what happened after you got to the waterfront?”

Casey smiled wide. “I kicked ninja ass!”

Raphael groaned, but Don pressed on. “Do you remember how you got hit in the head?”

He frowned, trying to remember. Finally, he said, “Uh. It was … that chick.”

Donatello suddenly got a sinking feeling. “What ‘chick?'”

“Mmmmyeah … whats-her-name … Karai.” His head began to nod.

“Hey!” Donatello slapped Casey’s cheek gently. “C’mon Casey, stay awake.” He turned to Raphael. “Raph, we’ve got to keep him conscious - with a head injury especially, he can’t pass out.” 

Raphael threw an arm around Casey, helping support him. That name – Karai – had shaken him into action. Regardless of what their oldest brother might say, Raphael would never trust her. Plus, she was too important to the Shredder to throw away on some routine mission. The fact that she was here, in addition to the sheer amount of Foot they’d seen patrolling around … well, he didn’t like it. “C’mon Case – let’s get ya movin’.” He stood, half-lifting, half-supporting the human. Leading him out of the cramped stairwell, he said to Donatello, “So whatta we do about Leo and Mikey? They’re on a wild goose chase, now.”

“I’m on it,” he said, reaching for his phone.

Raph frowned, stating, “They ain’t gonna be able to answer, ya know.”

“I know that,” Don said impatiently. “But I can at least send a message. Maybe Leo will be able to read it, and maybe he won’t – but he should at least feel the phone vibrate. That will be enough to tell him that we’re attempting contact.” He held the phone up to his ear. “But first, I’ve got to call April.” 

After trying to calm a very upset April, Don snapped his phone shut and breathed a sigh of relief. “I told her to meet us a few blocks away. Can’t have her driving straight into ninja central, after all.” He then added, “She uh … didn’t sound very happy.”

Casey suddenly perked up. “You called April? Oh man, jus’ hand me back over to the Foot …”

Raphael chuckled. _Good, he’s still somewhat coherent,_ Don thought with relief. They made their way to the nearest fire escape, but going was slow. Casey was stumbling a lot and Raphael was finding with each step he was getting harder and harder to hold up. Don typed into his phone furiously. “There. Message sent.” He stowed the phone for now, helping Raphael lift Casey over the lip of the rooftop. “Seeing as how they haven’t found Casey themselves yet, I think Leo will put two and two together. We’ll just have to wait.”

Raphael grunted his understanding. “Can’t say I’m thrilled that Karai’s mixed up in this.”

“Yeah, me neither. But I’m sure they’ll be fine. Leo knows what he’s doing.”

**\----------------------------------**

“Do it then.” Leonardo sneered at her, the tip of her blade touching his Adam’s apple. “What are you waiting for?”

But Karai did not move. Instead, she held his stare for a moment, before barking out a command word in her native tongue. Several Foot bled out of the shadows, taking a hold of the two turtles and disarming them. They dragged both to their feet, Michelangelo grunting in pain.

“You okay, Mike?” There was a steady stream of red coming from Mike’s leg. “You shouldn’t have pulled the blade out.”

“Thanks Leo,” Mike said through clenched teeth. “I’ll have to remember that the next time I get stabbed.”

Suddenly, Leo was aware of his phone vibrating. He held his breath. It didn’t make a noise, and he was pretty sure the others hadn’t noticed. As he always did before a mission, Don had locked out incoming calls to their phones; excluding their own, of course. That way, they could still communicate between each other without having to wonder who was trying to get through. Even as they prepared street-side, Don had locked April and Casey out of Leo and Mike’s phones, since they’d be doing the more dangerous work. You had to hand it to Don, he really did think of everything.

So there was no doubt in Leo now. With Michelangelo bleeding beside him, it could only be Raphael or Donatello trying to call in. _Hell, what now,_ he worried. _Are they in trouble too?_

“Karai, we came looking for a friend. Where is he?”

She was blunt. “He escaped us.”

“Is that the truth?”

“My master is not interested in your human friends. The masked one’s usefulness to us ended the moment you and your brothers arrived.”

_Well that confirms it,_ he thought. _It was a trap after all. I never should have split us up._ And now he had no idea what was going on with Don and Raph. _Of course,_ he considered, _if Casey actually did get away, maybe the other guys got to him first._ It would explain why they would’ve called. He hoped that was the truth.

**\----------------------------------**

“You’re unbelievable!”

Raph feigned innocence. “What?”

“You’re the only person I know that would kick an injured man!” Don scowled at him.

“It worked, didn’t it?”

Don just continued to glare at his brother. “Don’t do that again.” He then turned to the human. “Casey? How are you holding up?” He peered into Casey’s eyes, examining the pupils.

“Mmmokay. Leg hurts. You’re an asshole, Raph.”

“See? He’s fine.” 

They were at the meeting place now, waiting anxiously for April to arrive. After he was through looking Casey over, Don called her again, just to be on the safe side. 

He closed the phone. “She’s close.” 

“No word from the other guys?” Raphael tried not to sound worried. 

Don just shook his head. “Nothing.” Looking into his phone, he continued. “Their position hasn’t changed, either. Raph – I don’t know. It’s been too long … Leo should’ve been able to get to a secure enough place to respond by now.”

Raphael’s face went dark. “Yeah.”

“And there’s something else.” Don sounded uneasy. “I’ve been thinking. There are too many unanswered questions here.” He put a hand to his chin in thought. “I find it difficult to believe that Casey engaged Karai at all and was able to escape her, especially in his condition.”

“Well I dunno. Casey can hold his own pretty well, for a human.” But Raphael sounded unsure.

“Yeah, but look at the amount of Foot in this place right now – you really think Karai wouldn’t be able to subdue one person – one wounded person – if she wanted to?”

“You think she used him to bait us.” Hearing himself say it aloud, it seemed so obvious to Raphael now.

“Seems pretty likely. We know his phone is over there, across the street. It would make a pretty good ambush point. His phone wouldn’t be locked. Anyone could pick it up and see that it has GPS capabilities.”

“So how come Karai didn’t use it to just find our positions then? Why make us come to her?”

“Because _that_ particular feature is password protected. I wasn’t about to let just anyone pick up one of our phones and be able to track us – give me some credit,” he said. “But she may have realized that we were able to track each other through them – who knows, she may have even heard Casey call for help.”

“Shit.” Raphael gripped his sais, his whole body tensing. He knew Don was right, there were things here that didn’t make sense. Each minute that passed without communication from his two missing brothers only served to fuel his edginess more.

“One of us needs to stay with Casey. I’ll go check it out.” Donatello stood up as he spoke.

“No way, it’s too-” Raph stopped himself mid-sentence.

“Too what? Too dangerous?” He looked genuinely hurt. “I’m done staying on the sidelines while the rest of you do the dirty work.” 

Raphael opened his mouth to protest, but the look on Donatello’s face caused him to shut it again. _Ah hell,_ he thought, _me an’ my big mouth._ He thought back to the talk they’d all had in Don’s lab. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to let him go; after all, he was equally as skilled as any of them. _An’ it’ll probably get under Leo’s skin pretty good,_ he thought. “Alright, get goin’ then.”

Don stood, making ready to go. “Back in a flash!” He turned back, adding, “Oh yeah, and Raph - remember, keep him conscious. If he gets worse, don’t think about it, just call 911 and dump him!”

“Got it.” Before Don was out of sight though, Raphael called after him. “Hey, Donnie!”

“Yeah?”

“Just scout it out an’ come back. Don’t do anything risky.”

Donatello stopped in his tracks. “Tell me you see the irony in that statement.”

Raphael gave him a sour look. “Just be careful, alright?”

“Hey you know me, I’m the sensible one!” He grinned, disappearing to the shadows. 

It was a conversation that would haunt Raphael for years to come.

**\----------------------------------**

“They’re not here.”

Karai didn’t respond, but instead gave Michelangelo’s leg a hard kick, directly into his wound. His knees buckled, but the Foot soldiers kept their grip on him, keeping him upright. “Ah! What the hell, lady!”

She turned back towards Leonardo. Leo said nothing, but his look was venomous. She kicked Mike again, harder this time. He screamed a second time, as pain ruptured through the entire right side of his body. Panting, he gasped, “H-hey, y’know … since Leo’s the one pissing you off … what say you kick him for a while?” The wound, which had begun to clot prior to this beating, broke open again. A fresh stream of red liquid coursed down Mike’s leg. 

“Karai! That’s enough!”

“I know the two of you did not come alone.” She repeated her question. “Where are the others?”

Silence for a few moments again. Then: “You make me choose then? Between one brother or all of them?” He looked away disgustedly, then back again as if to say, _what a stupid question._

In answer to him she pulled out her sword, resting the tip a thread above the ground and pointing in the direction of Michelangelo. Her eyes never left Leo’s and the implication was not lost on him. _She won’t go too far,_ he thought, _I’m sorry Mikey … I’ve got to call her bluff._ Leo stared her down, saying nothing.

Her sword was a blur. Mike’s head jerked sideways, a fresh cut on one shoulder, very close to the neck. It wasn’t deep, but enough to bleed well. “Ow! Hey, that’s gonna scar!”

_Well, at least he hasn’t lost his sense of humor,_ thought Leo. Only Mike could make him feel like cracking a smile at a time like this. “Karai,” he said, softening his tone, “stop this.” Foregoing his indignation, his eyes pleaded with her. An odd look came over the lady ninja’s face. For a brief moment, Leo thought he saw it – doubt. Not a fleeting thing, this was very real, very genuine doubt. _She knows this is wrong. She knows._

Karai’s chest heaved. She exhaled, sending her sword out again. Mike predictably cried out, his previously undamaged shoulder now a mirror image of the other. “Tell me where the other two turtles are, or I will make him suffer more.” 

Leonardo sighed. “They took to the rooftops, across the street.”

“Leo!” Mike was aghast.

“It’s okay, Mike.” He couldn’t look at his brother as he said it, instead keeping his eyes locked into hers.

She smiled slightly. “I see.” She moved close to him, leaning in until he could feel her breath. “I will allow you this then, for your honesty. My Foot will not pursue your brothers further, for now. Delivering the two of you will be enough to get in my Master’s graces once more.”

“There’s no need to lie to me.”

“I speak true, Leonardo. Avoiding the others will ensure that my Foot will be able to transport the two of you without incident. I intend to present my Master with something; I feel it is best not to be greedy.” She narrowed her eyes. “Their time will come.”

“So instead I get to watch Michelangelo bleed to death?”

“His wounds are not lethal.” She stepped back. “I would not take the pleasure of eliminating you away from my Master.” She added, “I am sure he will not kill you right away.” She gave him a veiled look.

Leonardo thought he understood what she was doing. She had not been able to convince him to back down, but she also refused to return to the Shredder empty-handed. It was the best alternative she felt that she could come up with. _I suppose it is, really,_ he thought, _until she’s ready to walk away from him altogether._ He was still pretty angry about Mike, but this gesture did not go unnoticed. _By taking us captive, she’s giving us an opportunity. Maybe she’s even letting the other guys go on purpose – she knows Raph and Don will come to the rescue._ Perhaps she would conveniently be away on another mission during their escape, thereby washing her hands of the whole situation.

With a word from Karai, a Foot ninja appeared instantly at her side. “We return going east. Move the prisoners with haste, and avoid the western side at all costs.” _Well,_ thought Leo, _she’s staying true to her word on that, at least._ It didn’t really matter one way or the other at this point, because Karai was about to be disappointed.

Leo had seen a shadow pass over one of the windows a few moments ago. Too wide to be a Foot soldier, it only left one explanation. Though he darted his eyes away in an instant (careful not to bring attention to what he was looking at), he was sure he’d seen the outline of a staff protruding from the figure. And because he was positive that Raph wouldn’t have let Donnie come alone, Leo took a chance by revealing their location to Karai. 

Karai uttered another command, and another soldier came forward. This one pulled something out of his belt; it looked to be a small bottle. He unscrewed the cap and produced a rag. _Great,_ thought Leo, _here comes the chloroform._

**\----------------------------------**

“Ah!” Casey grabbed his cheek. “What-tha-hell-Raph …”

“You were passin’ out again,” Raphael said. “Donnie said not to let ya sleep.”

“Whut.” Casey was looking (and sounding) worse every second. “Where’re we?”

Casey was slurring his speech so badly, Raphael had to lean in close to hear him. “We’re waitin’ for April, remember?” He grabbed Casey’s chin, trying to look him in the eyes. “You with me, Case?”

“Uhnn … April …”

“Right. You remember her, don’tcha? That lady’s gonna breathe fire when she gets a load a you.”

He groaned, then tried to say, _‘I’m in trouble, aren’t I,'_ only it came out sounding like two words: “… mintrouble arrrna …”

“You know it.” Raphael turned and looked down the street worriedly. _C’mon April,_ he thought, _hurry up an’ get here already._ Casey was looking pretty bad and Raphael remembered Don’s advice. He flipped open his cell and looked at it, debating what to do. What’s worse, Donatello had been gone some time now, certainly enough time to get back to the warehouse he’d seen Leo and Mike enter. And yet there was no call, no communication from them whatsoever. “Damn it,” he growled, thinking, _should a just called for an ambulance right from the start._ He knew it didn’t matter though, one of them would’ve had to wait (unseen of course) to make sure the paramedics got to Casey. It was a Friday night in the Big Apple, and you couldn’t be too sure.

Just as he was getting ready to dial 911, Raphael heard a familiar rumble from a street away. “Finally!” he barked, lifting the ragdoll Casey up and encouraging him to stand. It wasn’t an easy process, and Raph nearly dropped him altogether when the phone rang. For a second he thought, _there’s the guys, ‘bout time_ – but soon realized that the person calling was not any of his brothers.

“April?”

“Raph! I’m here, where are you guys?”

“I see ya, Ape. Over here, park in the alley.” A green arm emerged from the shadows, waving at her. _Dumb,_ he thought, _of course it was April, she wouldn’t know where we were hidin’._ He furrowed his brow. _So where the hell is Donnie?_ He was beginning to feel more and more anxious with each passing minute. 

“Oh my god Casey! Casey are you alright?” April was in hysterics at the sight of him. “Raph what the hell happened!”

“Let’s get him in.” Raphael nodded towards the van door, which April had open in an instant. With a grunt, he lifted the human, laying him down on the floor inside. “He took a pretty nasty crack to the head.”

“Casey, can you hear me?!” April kneeled beside him, cupping his face in her hands.

“Mmmm …’ey, babe.” He looked like he was trying to smile at her, but was losing the fight to stay awake.

“Casey, listen to me. I’m going to take you to the emergency room now. Just hang in there, okay?” She laid his head down gently, adding, “Please, try to stay awake!”

Raphael was getting anxious. “Uh, April? I’d come with, but I gotta go check on the guys …”

“It’s okay. There’s a hospital just a few blocks from here, I can get him over there myself.” She slammed the door shut, getting into the driver’s seat. “Are the others okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, everythin’s fine.” He didn’t want to worry her further. She had enough to deal with right now. “Leo and Mike don’t know we found him yet, they’re still out there lookin’ around. Don went to go get ‘em, but he’s takin’ his sweet time.” 

“Oh good.” She said it distractedly, but looked relieved. She threw it into reverse but before giving it the gas, she said, “Raph, thanks for coming to the rescue. And don’t worry, I’m sure he’s going to be fine – I’ll call as soon as I can!” With that, she backed out of the alley and tore off down the street.

April had misread Raphael’s worried expression this time. True, he was concerned for his friend, but Casey was out of immediate danger whereas his brothers … well, he had no idea what was going on with his brothers. As he took off running in their direction, a million possibilities rushed through his head. In times like this his mind always went to the worst, but he tried to keep a level head. _Don’s fine, he’s smart, he knows better than to get himself into trouble. I told him not to get involved, he’s just goin’ to check things out._ But he’d also told Donatello to stay put on the roof and nearly killed him when he disobeyed that order. _So, Donnie’s got somethin’ to prove, now, is that it?_ A sudden revelation came to him: _bet this is how Leo feels when I run off. Well … dammit._

Raph sighed. He hated it when Leo was right.


	4. Chapter 4

  
A long, familiar, wooden staff shot out of nowhere, connecting with the Foot soldier’s jaw. The bottle he’d been holding dropped to the floor, smashing its contents in a fantastic spray. The screaming Foot grabbed his broken face, effectively creating distraction enough for Don to move in and attack the two guards who were holding Leo hostage.

Leo didn’t think. As soon as Don surprised the guards, he immediately broke their hold and hit the floor, scooping up both katanas as he did so. He blocked everything else out, making a beeline straight for her.

Karai was ready. She swiftly brought her own sword up, blocking his maneuver. The look on her face said it all: _you deceived me._ Their swords locked against one another, eyes burning hot with determination. There was a mix of emotions going on here, and each found it difficult to read the other.

Finally, Leo spoke, but not to her. “Don! Where’s Raph?” He couldn’t imagine why Raphael hadn’t joined in the fray, at this point all hell had broken loose and it was unlike the aggro-turtle to miss out on the action. In his periphery, he could see now that even Mikey had managed to get free, and was making for his nunchaku.

“He’s with Casey!” Don grunted, smashing his bo staff down on the crown of another soldier’s head. “Casey’s hurt!”

Leo spared a quick thought: _so Raph sent you in to the rescue alone? Probably did it just to spite me._ He put his anger away for the time being though, concentrating instead on the task at hand. Swiping away a jab at his throat, he glanced out to see more Foot entering the dusty building. “Guys, incoming!” He threw one sword outwards towards her, meeting her weapon mid-air. Without looking, his other sword flew to the side, impaling a Foot soldier. “Mike, Don! Pull in!”

They did as he instructed, fighting their way to his side. Mike came in pretty close, but Donatello stayed a few yards out, as he always did. With a long weapon like his, he needed the extra room to move. And move he did – the staff twirled and spun, knocking several foes back at once. It was good to have Don at the rear, Leo knew; it kept all flanking attacks off of himself and Michelangelo, which in turn, was easing this battle slightly in their favor. It did, however, leave Donatello somewhat unprotected. Leo had his own hands full with Karai, and that left most of the Foot army for Don and Mike to deal with themselves.

Mike shouted over to the oldest turtle. “Hey Leo! While you’re over there, mind doing me a favor?”

“What is it?” Leo bared his teeth, crossing his swords and catching Karai’s blade a second before it impaled his face.

“Oh nothin’ much. I was just thinking-” he said with a grunt, throwing a hard kick into another soldier, “-that while you’re fighting your girlfriend over there, you could maybe cut her a little? Then KICK her in the cut a few times? That would be great, buddy.”

“Focus, Mikey! This isn’t the time for joking around.” Suddenly his attention was pulled to his other sibling.

“Ah! Damn …” Don shouted out in pain, sounding more annoyed than anything. 

Leo could not afford to turn his eyes away from Karai at that moment, whose attacks were coming at him in a frenzy. “Donnie! You okay over there?”

“Fine, Leo - just a scratch. _Hardly feel it,_ he thought. What hurt more was his pride – Donatello had actually shouted out more in surprise than pain. The Foot soldier had slipped out of nowhere, while he was busy fighting off some of the others. _Strange, I don’t see him now, though._ He’d turned to engage the man, but he was gone, melding back into the sea of identical Foot. Don glanced around at the enemies in his near vicinity, but didn’t see any of them holding the small blade he’d felt enter his bicep. It wasn’t a big deal, he was sure the guy either sheathed it, or had maybe moved on to fight Leo or Mikey. He dropped to the floor, swinging the bo around in a wide sweep along the ground, knocking down several Foot ninjas. Leaping back up, he began working them over some more, knocking a few out cold. _Gotta get it together,_ he berated himself, _that guy was able to sneak up on me … he could’ve done a lot worse than this._ He afforded a small glance at his arm, ashamed of the wound there.

The battle raged on. More Foot continued to come, but Leo noticed with relief that fewer and fewer were entering the warehouse. He was beginning to feel good about this. Even without Raphael’s help, it seemed that they were holding it down pretty well. _We might have these guys taken care of before he even gets here,_ Leo thought. _Oh, he’ll be so mad._ He fought the urge to grin. _Serves him right, sending Donatello in where he should’ve come himself._ Karai’s next attack brought him back to reality.

**\----------------------------------**

Mike was the first to see them. “Aw hell,” he muttered. Then: _“Hey Leo!_ We got the dudes in the funny hats again!”

Leonardo managed to land a solid kick into his foe’s thigh, momentarily knocking her off balance. He spared a quick look around. Four Elites, all armed with the long, bladed staves they always carried. All four were headed straight for his position. _All coming to Karai’s defense,_ he thought. _Gotta do something._ Donatello had just completed another of his sweeping, room-clearing attacks, creating a wide gap in the wave of Foot soldiers on that side. Leo seized his opportunity. He turned, tearing through the opening and circling around Karai’s position, until he was on the exact opposite side of her. The four Elites were there now as well, standing two on either side of Karai and slightly in front of her. Their body language was not lost on Leonardo: _to get to her, you come through us._

Leonardo was not afraid. He knew that he was outmatched; he’d hardly been able to fend of Karai, let alone Karai plus four of the Shredder’s ultimate guard. But it was as he had intended. He had come to meet them head-on, rather than wait at his original position. Being that close to Don and Mike, they would’ve pushed Leo back into his brothers eventually, forcing the other two turtles to enter the fight. _And they have their hands full as it is,_ he thought, _better I lead Karai and her guard away from them._

No one moved for a few seconds. Leonardo raised his katana slowly, locking into and holding an intimidating offensive stance. He stared straight into her eyes. Whatever broken honor she loosely held to, it may have stayed her hand from killing him. He wanted to believe that. _But duty makes monsters out of us,_ he thought. Regardless of what she would do with him, it would not be the same fate doled out by the Elites; their orders were to eliminate by any means necessary. Truly, if the Shredder was aware that Karai had been merciful towards Leonardo and his family in the past, she would’ve long been exiled from the Foot Clan by now. 

_To survive as long as I can._ That was the plan. If he could keep up his defense, there was a chance he could keep them busy long enough for Mike and Don to finish off the rest. _The odds have been against me before,_ he thought. _Nothing is ever sure, in battle._ He charged them.

**\----------------------------------**

“Hey Donnie!” Donatello spared a quick look at Mike. “Catch!”

Don swung his staff around just in time, hitting the unfortunate Foot soldier in the neck. Before he fell, Don brought the other side of his staff around impossibly fast, cracking him in the head and knocking him unconscious.

“Doing just fine over here without having more Foot launched at me, Mikey,” he said, sounding annoyed. _I guess his leg isn’t bothering him much,_ Don thought. He’d seen the blood on the youngest turtle’s thigh, but didn’t think it was too serious at a glance. Still, it had to be pretty painful.

“Ha ha ha!” Mike’s laugh had that slight manic quality that was enhanced by the adrenaline rush of battle. Suddenly, he stopped laughing. “Hey,” he said, looking around, “whatever happened to those guys in the hats? I could’ve swore I saw ‘em …” 

Donatello stiffened up. _He doesn’t mean … Elites?_ Don hadn’t noticed their arrival, but he suddenly realized something else – Leonardo was no longer with them. He and Michelangelo saw him then, at the same moment. Leo was some distance away, holding off all four – and Karai! – on his own.

“Shit!” Mike cursed, exchanging a wide-eyed look with Donatello. 

“Mikey, he needs our help!” Donatello fought with new fervor, propelling himself at the enemies surrounding him.

Mike locked up with a Foot ninja, his nunchaku briefly tangled in the man’s sword. With a heavy kick, he freed his weapon and sent the soldier flying backwards. Immediately Mike dropped to the floor, twirling both legs into the air in a spiraling motion, kicking back three more that had been crowding him. He remained crouched there, nunchaku at the ready, facing the next onslaught. “There’s too many, dude! I’m not gonna be able to get through!”

“Hold on, I’m coming!” Don began inching his way towards Mike, but going was difficult. It was everything he could do to hold down his own group, without taking on some of Mike’s as well. But he had to, there was no other option. Leo was in real trouble. _He led them away from Mike and I,_ thought Don, _typical. Dammit Leo, you’re going to get yourself killed trying to protect us … if not today, then someday._ With a yell, he swept his weapon along the ground again, knocking a few more Foot off of their feet in the process. He grimaced. _Not today._

“Anytime Raph would like to join us, that’d be great,” Mike said sarcastically. “Was he carrying Casey all the way to the hospital himself, or what?”

“He’s waiting for April to show,” Don answered. “Casey’s got a head wound - we couldn’t leave him.” Don had gotten pretty close to his brother now. “Mike, as soon as you get an opening - get to Leo!”

Michelangelo rolled along the floor and shot upwards, until he was back-to-back with his brother. They each paused in stance, waiting for the next attack. “What are _you_ gonna do? There’s still a ton of dudes left here!”

“I can handle it!” To emphasize that, he twirled the bo staff over his head like a baton, bringing it down fast at the last second. The approaching wall of Foot parted, and he yelled: “Mikey now! Go!” Mike hesitated just a second, taking the time to smash his fist into the face of another enemy. “Mike just go! I’ve got this!” _I’ve got this,_ he repeated to himself, willing himself to overcome the hoard. _I must do this, prove to them that they can count on me in battle._ Donatello desperately tried to maintain, but it was getting more difficult with each passing minute. He was feeling unnaturally tired, but couldn’t let Michelangelo see that.

Without a word, Mike looked at his brother one last time before leaving him. _I’m not worried,_ his face said. He smiled, but inside he wasn’t so sure of himself. _Hope I’m doing the right thing._ Leaping up, he took off in Leo’s direction.

**\----------------------------------**

Leonardo ran at the enemies before him, knowing full well that they would not defend, but come at him in their own attack. He was ready. He faked left and rolled right, managing to escape all four. Only the four Elites rushed at him, Karai being still and watching for the moment. It was a good move. Leonardo fended off the attacks from the two closest Elites and darted again as the others approached. This was how he operated; stick and move, stick and move. It worked fairly well for a short time, but after a while he could see his enemies beginning to tire of the game. _They’re only coming at me one or two at a time,_ he thought, _they’re just toying with me._ Their overconfidence was a good thing, it was only helping to buy his brothers more time.

It was difficult to get a look at the other two turtles, but he managed to steal a quick glance. _Good,_ he thought, _looks like they’re doing fine._ The sea of Foot had thinned considerably around his younger brothers and the relief he felt was great indeed. _Just got to keep these guys busy until they’re done._ But that task was getting harder with every minute, as Leo felt himself beginning to tire. It was taking everything he had to avoid their attacks and the strain of it was wearing him down much faster than usual.

Leonardo’s attackers paused for a second, entering into a new formation. _That’s it,_ he thought to himself, _no more games. They’re getting serious now._ The sounds of battle behind them seemed more distant, the air becoming heavy between them. Panting heavily, Leonardo flit his eyes across the four Elites, locking in with Karai. Her look was fierce and filled with hate. But as he held her gaze, her face changed; he could see now the regret. Her face twisted with it, seeming reluctant to do so; but it came on strong, and the deep, genuine sadness in her eyes permeated him. 

_It won’t stop her though, I know that._ This was it. Leonardo steeled himself, facing death without reservation. _For my brothers, for my master,_ he prayed silently, _for my clan._ They came.

**\----------------------------------**

Raphael ran as fast as he dared, trying to hurry but not wanting to be seen, either. As he neared the building Donatello had pointed out to him, he began to think that there were quite a few less Foot on the street now than there had been before. He couldn’t be sure. _Prob’ly just my imagination,_ he thought.

He stole around the back and waited a moment, listening. The familiar sounds of battle were coming from inside. Raphael was hardly surprised. No word from any of his brothers in all of this time – this was the only real explanation. It wasn’t actually a bad thing, and he felt some relief to know that there was still a fight going on at all. Silence would’ve been so much more worrisome. 

Satisfied that his position was secure, he carefully peered in through a nearby window. Through the filth on the glass, the sight before him caused his heart to skip a beat. He cursed under his breath. Thoughts raced in that second, the foremost among them the fact that Donatello had defied his orders and jumped right into battle. Again, he felt a guilt creeping up in him, grudgingly empathizing with his eldest brother. 

And speaking of Leonardo, Raphael could now see where he was needed most. He armed himself and made his move.

**\----------------------------------**

Leo was dripping sweat. He’d fought hard, keeping the four at bay – and still she watched. Karai made no move toward him, watching this scene unfold before her. Was she enjoying it, sitting on her pedestal and allowing her underlings to do the dirty work? Or did she not want to add to his impossible odds, holding back in the slight hope it might give him a chance? Leonardo couldn’t know for sure, but he suspected (hoped) it was the latter.

The four came at him all at once, their movements perfectly synchronized. A weapon on either side collided with each of Leo’s two katana, knocking them towards the ground and pinning his weapons there. He kept a firm grip on both, determined not to let them disarm him. In his exhaustion, however, it brought Leonardo to his knees. He raised his chin upwards, knowing he was defeated. The remaining two Elites, their movements identical, thrust their weapons forward at the defenseless turtle. _This is it,_ he thought, _I just hope I bought them enough time._ He gritted his teeth and pushed out his chest, determined to meet his fate without fear.

What happened next happened in slow-motion. Leonardo looked on, awaiting death, seeing the faces of his family flash before him, and seeing the weapons coming towards their mark. He tensed, ready for it. But the blades never reached their destination. Before he knew what was happening, a turtle had materialized on either side of his two attackers. One Elite froze, choking, with a sai pierced through the center of his neck. The other Elite had foregone his weapon to bring both hands to his mangled face, a second before the blow to the back of his head dropped him for good.

Leo was frozen for a second – _am I imagining this?_ – before finding his voice. “Mike! Raph!” He panted, ecstatic.

“Hey Leo! Thought you could use a hand!” Mike grinned wide, engaging the remaining enemy on Leo’s right. Raph followed suit, heading for the one on the left.

“Now Leo, what did I tell ya about goin’ off on your own, pickin’ fights with the Foot …” Raph teased, dodging a wide swing aimed at his head. “You’re puttin’ the whole family in danger ...”

“Very funny, Raph. How about more fighting, less sarcasm?” 

“Now is that any way to thank the guy who just saved yer skin?”

“Hm. I wouldn’t have minded if you’d showed a bit sooner.” Suddenly, Leo grinned wide. “But seriously, you guys have great timing!” He couldn’t hide the relief in his voice. He stood, scraping the tips of his katana menacingly along the floor and back into an offensive position. “Look alive – here comes Karai!” But he knew that they had nothing to worry about. _She’s coming for me._

**\----------------------------------**

_So tired. Must focus._ Donatello was breaking down. It had been an intense fight even with Michelangelo at his side, now doubly so without the support. Even so, he was a little surprised and disappointed at himself. _I really shouldn’t be this tired so soon._ He clenched his jaw, pouring everything into his attacks. _I will not show my brothers how weak I am._

There was still a good number of Foot left for him to deal with, many more than any of his brothers would have felt comfortable taking on alone, in fact. But that was one advantage of the weapon Donatello had chosen for himself – when fighting a large group, a long staff is a pretty good thing to have. He maintained a series of whirlwind attacks, spinning the weapon in a perfect arc around his body. He moved with a speed that would’ve made him appear blurry to anyone watching. He cut a perfect circle in the crowd, allowing not one soldier the ability to get in close enough for an attack. It was a good strategy, but difficult to maintain endlessly. Every time the staff connected with an enemy, it strained each muscle in his body to the limit, tearing it, threatening to give out on him altogether. 

_No,_ he thought, calming himself. _I must not give up._ He concentrated on his breathing, allowing his mind to slip into a battle-meditation. He concentrated solely on the fight, on his enemies, on his movements. It was a technique they’d all practiced many times, but Donatello was especially good at it. The pain and fatigue forgotten, his arms and legs moved on auto-pilot. In this higher state of consciousness, he was unable to feel a thing.

_“You will not know defeat until it is too late.”_ Donatello heard his master’s warning in his head, in his most serious of tone of voice. And he knew it to be true. _Here, I have little concept of self-preservation,_ he thought, _if wounded, I could easily bleed to death without noticing._ The technique was only for use in the most dire of situations; not something to be abused, in other words. In his adrenaline-boosted mind, he felt serenity, but understood that his physical body was being pushed to the limit. It was a disconnect between body and mind, the two becoming separate entities from one another. It meant a week or more afterwards of recovery, as his torn body would have to mend, but right now it didn’t matter. Right now, he pushed forward, determined to eliminate every last one of his enemies no matter the cost.

**\----------------------------------**

“I submit. Do it quickly.” Karai was on her knees, the first signs of exhaustion finally visible in her stone features. She breathed hard, letting her lifeless arms hang useless, her eyes cast down and away from Leo’s stare. Her sword lay several feet away.

“If you really think I’m going to kill you, then you know little about me.” Leonardo sheathed one katana as he spoke, keeping the other poised out towards her.

She looked at him, the shame seething from her eyes. “Do it! I can no longer return to my master – to die in battle is the only way to preserve what honor I have left.” She paused, and then continued in a low, bitter tone. “Are we not enemies, Leonardo? Why do you hesitate?”

“Because you would do the same.” Leo stood tall above her, proud and regal-looking. “You have spared us our lives before, even today. I am not blind to this.”

Karai hung her head once again, unable to look at him. “As long as I live, I will never be allowed to stop pursuing your family, Leonardo. You know this is true, you could be free of this now.”

Leo drew in a deep breath and took a step towards her. “We will never be free – not until your father, Oroku Saki, lies dead in the ground. It is you that desires freedom, Karai. I will not be the one to give it to you. Though you have always been capable of freeing yourself.” He leaned in close, whispering so that only the two of them could hear. “On that day, know that you have allies outside of the Foot Clan.” With that, he twirled his katana back lightning fast, striking her in the side of the head with the hilt and knocking her out cold. Leonardo spared one last look at her body. If any of his siblings had seen him in that moment, they would’ve sworn Leo had aged several years. Satisfied that she was breathing, he looked to his brothers.

Leo saw Michelangelo finishing off the Elite soldier he’d paired with, then over to Raphael, who was still locked in and trading strikes with his. Instinctively, Leo and Mike both went to Raph’s aid, to help finish the job. With three brothers to contend with, there was no real fight. Unable to pull his focus from Raphael, the last Elite looked down in time to see the long katana emerge from his midsection, and watched horrified as it retracted slowly back the way it had come. The butt of Raphael’s sai to his stunned face helped speed his trajectory with the floor. 

Something suddenly occurred to Leonardo, just as he rammed his blade through the Elite’s liver. “Wait – where’s Donatello?” It was hard for Leo to hide the panic in his voice. It was unlike their leader to lose track of his charges; he realized now that not only was Don not here, there were more sounds of fighting coming from behind them. 

All three brothers spun around, looking in Donatello’s direction at that second. Each one felt his breath entirely taken away.

The sight was so astonishing it was almost comical. Just three Foot soldiers stood, an ocean of bodies spanning out around them. A blur swept past, and all three fell to the floor in unison, two still conscious enough to scream as the bones in their faces shattered. And there, impossibly, was a lone turtle, his bo staff still held high in manufactured readiness, not quite accepting that every enemy had been dispatched. Donatello looked downright feral. He was literally standing on top of a small mountain of bodies, the sight of which almost made Leo want to burst out laughing in its absurdity. 

Indeed, Leo did want to laugh – with relief that Don was still standing. That had been a tense moment, thinking that they’d left Donatello defenseless. _I let Karai distract me,_ he chastised himself, _and Don could’ve paid for it._ But the sound of Michelangelo’s voice broke him away before he could run away with those thoughts.

“Whoa. Get a load of Donnie.” Mike sounded awe-struck. It _was_ an awesome sight, their normally reserved and pensive brother looming over the lifeless bodies of his enemies like a wild animal let out of its cage.

Leo put aside his elation and settled back into his usual concerned-older-brother routine. He ran forward suddenly. “Don! Are you alright? I–I’m sorry, we didn’t mean to leave you without support-”

Donatello stepped lightly downwards until he was on level ground again. “S’alright Leo, don’t sweat it. I had it under control.” He was still panting, but his words came out sounding calm, almost dreamy. His eyes had a glassy quality to them as well.

Leo recognized the look. It was the distant look of someone coming down from meditation. It wasn’t surprising to him that Donatello had resorted to using the technique; with the amount of Foot he’d taken on, Leo was just amazed that his brother was still alive. _No doubt … I just came down from it myself. This sure was one hell of a fight for us._ Now that it was over, Leonardo could finally sit back and take in the sheer scale of it. Again, his mind threatened to wander over the mistakes he’d made in their approach, but there was no time to think too deeply on it now. As Mike and Raph joined them, he said, “No need to linger – let’s get to the sewers before the clean-up crew catches us.” It was only a matter of time before more Foot showed up to retrieve the fallen, and Leo didn’t want to get caught up in another wave. “Anybody remember where the nearest manhole was?”

“On the corner, near Washington … uh …” Don put a hand to his head, frowning. “I mean, I think that’s where it is.” He suddenly raised a hand and pressed on the wound he’d received on the back of his arm. He laughed a little, sounding embarrassed, “Heh, guess I’m … just a little tired. And this cut is really starting to sting now.”

Mike snorted. “What that little thing? C’mon, dude. Take a look at this!” Mike pointed at the angry, meaty spot on his leg. “Now THIS is a battle scar! And it didn’t stop me from kickin’ butt, either. Did you see me take that one guy? He was freaking, like, _uh, which way do I go_ – guy was totally terrified of me! I didn’t even have’ta hit him, he just tripped and fell all on his own!” He busted up laughing. 

Raph made a disgusted noise. “Oh, I can’t wait to hear all the stories you’ll be tellin’ us over an’ over for the next week.” He sighed. “It is a pretty good one, though,” he said, looking at Mike’s leg. “You feelin’ okay there, little bro?”

“Yeah, pretty good, actually,” Mike responded. “Which is kinda weird - it hurt real bad before the fight, but now I hardly feel it.”

“It’s the adrenaline …” Don said, “… endorphins …” He stopped there, attempting to catch his breath.

“Don? You sure you’re okay?” Leo inquired, looking slightly worried.

“Yeah, yeah. Just um ...” Donatello was leaning heavily on his staff and swaying slightly. “… just feel … feel dizzy all of the sudden …”

Don, still gripping his bo staff tight, sank down to one knee. All three brothers rushed towards him. “Donnie!”

Leo was there first. He placed his hands on Donatello’s shoulders, looking at him fiercely. “Donnie! What’s going on – are you okay? Are you injured?”

“No … no, I-” Donatello looked at his brother, bewildered. 

Raphael moved in and placed a hand down on Don’s shoulder, looking at him closely. He turned to Leonardo. “S’just battle-high, right Leo? He’s just comin’ down from it real hard?”

The twinge of fear in Raph’s words was unsettling. “Donatello,” Leonardo commanded him, “look at me. What’s going on?”

Don returned a hand to his head, rubbing it as though it was difficult to think. He was fully out of the meditation now, he knew that. His body screamed at him, the strain he’d put his muscles through finally catching up with him. But that wasn’t what was causing him to falter, there was something else going on here. _“You will not know defeat”_ – again Master Splinter’s words repeated in his head – _“until it is too late.”_

_Did I–did I take on some injury without noticing?_ He looked again at the small wound on his bicep.

It hit him. It wasn’t too hard to figure out really, he had only one small wound, not something serious on its own. _That Foot soldier had been very specific in his movements,_ he thought gravely. Even at the time, it had seemed odd that any Foot ninja would enter into a fight with them wielding such an insubstantial weapon, where most were armed to the teeth. _But it wasn’t so insubstantial after all, was it?_

“Leo,” he whispered, “I think I might be in trouble.”

  
[](http://imgur.com/0wNC08Z)  
  
Artwork by deviantArt user [arbrenoir](http://arbrenoir.deviantart.com/art/TMNT-SS-11-for-Demonsweat-280425291)  



	5. Chapter 5

Don’s words were playing over and over in Leo’s mind. _I think I’ve been poisoned._ The sentence dropped like a stone; no one said anything for a second. Raphael had been the first to break.

“What!” Raph yelled, suddenly panicking. “What do ya mean, how?”

Donatello swallowed. “Guy … with a dagger. Should’ve realized, when he … just ran off like that." He was becoming increasingly short of breath. As the minutes passed, the other three turtles had become more relaxed; after the intensity of the battle, their physical bodies settled into normalcy – a slower pulse, more time between breaths, sweat drying - as they should have. Not so with Donatello. The longer they stood there, the worse he looked. His body was not calming, it was doing just the opposite. It seemed as though it took great effort for him to just remain upright.

Now it was Mike’s turn to panic. “Oh jeez, Leo! What do we do? Do we - do we suck the poison out?”

But Leo was momentarily frozen. _Poison …_ the word alone was defeat in his ears. The implications of this were not lost on him, for the scenario had played out in his head a thousand times. Fear had a funny way of doing that. He just looked at Donatello, his face twisted in disbelief.

“Heh.” Don smiled tiredly. “Afraid that … only works in the movies, Mikey.”

“So what do we do?” Mike repeated, his voice building to a shrill pitch. “Guys, we have to do something!”

Leonardo found himself again. He was leader, always, he had to be. “Mike, calm down.” He fixed his stare on Donatello. “Don, how bad is it? Can you walk?”

“Y-yeah.” He began to stand back up, using his bo for support. “Yeah. I’m alright.”

“Then let’s move. We should start heading towards the lair at the very least. Mike?” He looked over at the youngest turtle, who was in a near-catatonic state at this point. “Mikey! You with us?”

Mike snapped out of it and looked up. “Yeah!”

“Good.” Leo got an arm around Don’s shell and they began to move, Raphael sticking close in case Leo needed help with him. “Get April on the phone and have her bring the van.”

“She’s takin’ Casey into the ER,” Raph said, completely deadpan.

In the confusion, Leo hadn’t thought to ask about the human, temporarily forgetting the reason they’d come here in the first place. “Casey …” Leo said pensively, feeling a bit guilty for not asking sooner. “That’s right, you guys found him - was he okay?”

“Yeah, he’ll probably be fine. Took a hell of a blow to the head, though.” Raph sounded distant, not like his usual self. He spoke without taking his eyes off of Donatello.

Leo huffed. “Fantastic. No choice, we’ll just have to hoof it back.” He added, “Mike, try her anyways, you never know.”

“Yeah.” It came out in a whisper and Leo was afraid he might be losing it again. “Mike? How are you doing back there? How’s your leg?”

“It’s fine.” He didn’t elaborate further. After a few seconds: “She’s not answering, Leo.”

“We’ll give her a minute, she just might not be able to answer right now. Keep trying the number Mikey, let her know it’s urgent.”

“Okay.” His voice cracked a little.

_Sorry Mikey,_ he thought. Michelangelo never could deal with serious situations well. He may not have realized it, but his two older brothers were merely keeping up appearances. Mike was really just projecting what they all felt inside. _It's always been that way with him,_ Leo thought a little sadly, _Mikey’s wears his emotions right on his sleeves._

There was a little bit of fumbling as Leo and Raph helped Donatello into the manhole and down the ladder. They soon started off again at a brisk speed, as much as Don could manage. Though it was pretty dim in the sewer, it was becoming more obvious with each passing minute that Don was struggling. After what seemed like an eternity, they finally turned a familiar corner. They were getting closer now.

“Donnie,” Leo started. As calm as he was trying to be, it was impossible to hide the worry in his voice. “How are you feeling? Can you go any faster at all?”

Donatello was panting heavily and his skin was slick with sweat. “Sorry … sorry Leo … don’t think I can …”

“That’s okay. Just try to keep moving, that’s the important thing. Um …” He paused for a few seconds, thinking how to phrase his next question. “Is there anything we should do … I mean – anything we should give you when we get there? Some kind of medicine, or something?” 

Don didn’t say anything at first. Finally, he breathed, “… not really.”

From the corner of his eye, Leonardo could see Raphael tense up. It wasn’t the answer they wanted to hear. Michelangelo had fallen behind a few paces, most likely due to his leg injury. Leo grimaced, thinking, _at least Mikey was out of earshot._

Donatello spoke up again. “… without knowing … what poison … impossible to treat ...” He was laboring at this pace, finding it harder and harder to get the air to speak. “… can try to flush it out … lots of fluids.” The effort caused him to stumble and he fell to his knees suddenly with a yell. Only the reflexes of his two older brothers stopped him from going face first into the cement.

“Donnie!”

Don hung his head, panting like a dog. “How long now? How long since we left?” he asked.

“Raph!” Leo shouted, “Help me set him down.” With a brother dragging each arm, they pulled Donatello quickly to the nearby sewer wall, setting his back against it. 

Don’s head lolled to the side and he closed his eyes, feeling the coolness of the brick on his cheek. “… how long …” he repeated.

“Been about twenty minutes.” Raphael heard himself speak, but did not feel in control of the action. It was as if he were sitting back, watching himself move and talk. The entire thing was too surreal. _Twenty minutes,_ he thought. _Twenty minutes ago Don was perfectly fine … now he looks like somethin’ from a horror movie. How the hell did this happen?_

“… s’working fast …” Don went into a coughing fit.

“Easy.” It was all Leo could think to say. He and Raphael sat crouched on either side of the undeniably debilitated turtle, holding onto him. Leo was vaguely aware of what sounded like a whimper behind him. He turned and saw the outline of a figure. “Mikey. Come give us a hand.”

Mike bolted forward, seeming almost relieved at the invitation. His voice came out small and shaky. “Donnie? A-are you okay?” 

Raphael again felt strange, almost as if time were slowed down. Something about the way Mike sounded just then triggered old memories. _Like when we were kids,_ he thought. _When he was scared of the dark or somethin’. He used to get scared a lot, back then._ Mike crouched down next to them and placed a hand on Don’s leg, feeling some comfort at the warmth of it, feeling the life in it. Raphael didn’t say anything, but reached out and squeezed Mike’s shoulder. _Hang in there, kid,_ it said. 

Don’s coughing sputtered to a stop, but he was still breathing heavily. “… sorry, Mikey ...” He lowered his head, shaking it slightly, “… so sorry, guys …” 

“Donnie, don’t. Don’t apologize.” Leo thought, _I’m going to break. This is too much … I can’t keep it together._ He squeezed his eyes shut.

For once, Raphael did not feel anger. Amazingly, it just wasn’t there. There was nothing to fight here, nothing he could do. So instead he was dulled, defeated. _This is it,_ was all he could think, _Donnie’s gonna die right in front of us. And there’s nothin’ we can do._

Michelangelo did not think. He focused on his senses, hyper-aware of every detail. He watched as Don’s chest heaved and fell. He could smell Don’s sweat, feel the wetness of his skin. His rational thinking had shut down completely, and now he was waiting; just waiting for something to happen.

“You guys’re okay … right?” Don’s speech was starting to slur. “Only … _ughnn ..._ only me?”

“We’re fine, not to worry.” Leo attempted to put him at ease. “Mike’s got a wound on his leg, but it’s not serious. None of us are sick … it’s just you.” _Just you,_ he thought, exchanging a look with Raphael. _They singled you right out, brother._

Don exhaled, seeming very relieved. He took a few more breaths, then said, “Don’t think … don’t think I can stand-” But he never finished the sentence, instead lurching forward and vomiting painfully. 

“Don! Hold on!” Donatello had pulled his arms away and wrapped them around his middle, so Raph and Leo took a hold of his shell instead. He leaned forward only slightly and heaved, making little effort to move. The effect being, of course, that he threw up all over himself – several times, in fact. It was scarier really, that he had so little control; he couldn’t even keep from getting sick on himself.

As soon as he paused, Raphael said, “That’s it, we’re goin’!” He scooped up Donatello’s weak frame with a guttural sound, carrying him like a baby. Donatello moaned pitifully. His body began to tremble all over.

“Raph! You sure you got him?” Leo ran up alongside. “Maybe-maybe we shouldn’t …”

He knew what Leonardo was saying, that it was likely too late. That it might be best to just stay and say goodbye while they could. He thought, _Leo’s probably right … but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna let my brother die here in the cold, dark sewer._ Raphael bolted down the tunnel as fast as his legs would allow.

**\----------------------------------**

“Donnie, c’mon.” Leo was desperate, trying to get any sort of response.

Raphael tried to ignore the fact that Leo, level-headed fearless-leader Leonardo - sounded as though he was about to lose that composure he maintained so well. He tried to ignore that his little brother - his blathering, oft maniacal brother - was in such complete shock that he could hardly speak at all. He tried to ignore his own body, screaming at him to slow down, to give up and just _stop._

In his effort, Raphael looked down at the figure in his arms. Don’s eyes were still open – fixated on him, chillingly – and Raph looked, drawn into them. _He’s scared. Fuck, Donnie._ Even if he could think of something to say, he was running too hard to try. Instead he just squeezed tighter and kept on.

Leonardo suddenly realized that Master Splinter had no idea what had occurred. _We should’ve called ahead, I just didn’t think … so much happened so fast …_ He was beginning to feel overwhelmed. As it turned out, he needn’t have worried – the second the door was open, the previously robotic Michelangelo burst through, shouting at the top of his lungs.

“Master!” Michelangelo was screaming, running to the old rat’s room in a total panic. “Master Splinter!”

Their sensei, though he’d been fast asleep, was on his feet in an instant. “Michelangelo?” What is it, my son!”

“Master, come quick! It’s Donnie!”

The old rat didn’t miss a step. He was at Donatello’s side immediately. “My son!” He placed his clawed hands on Donatello, looking him over anxiously. “Speak to me.”

Don looked at his father with cloudy eyes. _“… hurts …”_

“Where? Where does it hurt?”

_“… uhhnn … everywhere …”_ Don couldn’t hold it back any longer. He began to moan terribly, his whole body shaking.

“Master,” Leo broke in, “we think that Don was poisoned.” 

A shadow appeared on the old rat’s face. “How did this happen?”

“A dagger. Here.” He showed the wound on Donatello’s arm. It had reddened, but hardly looked serious. “It was the Foot. I think ...I think they targeted him specifically, Master.”

“Hm.” Their sensei frowned, thinking.

“Sensei, what do we do?” Mike was still in panic mode, but being home and seeing his master gave him some hope.

“My jade chest, you know the one,” he instructed. “Michelangelo, go to my room and retrieve it.”

“Yes Master Splinter.” He was off before the words left his lips.

“Leonardo, go to the kitchen and begin a pot of water boiling.”

“Yes Master Splinter.” And Leo was gone.

“Raphael.”

“Yeah.” Raphael was still panting, gasping to catch his breath. He was kneeling now, having shifted Donatello’s weight to the floor but he still cradled his brother, afraid to let him go.

“Let us try and make Donatello more comfortable. Lie him down in his room, if you are able.”

“Yeah,” he repeated, straining to lift Don up once more. He placed him down gently on the bed, but didn’t think Don looked comfortable. If anything, he looked closer to death than ever. Don immediately curled into a fetal position, crossing both arms across his chest and squeezing the biceps so tight they left the impressions of his fingernails in them. His skin was a sickly pale green, still drenched with sweat. His whole body was tense with unimaginable pain. He continued to shake and shudder, gasping between sobbing moans.

Raphael kneeled and placed a hand on Donatello’s head, trying to give him some comfort. “Sensei,” he said a little too calmly, “what can we do for him?”

“I have several strong herbs that help in cleansing out the body,” Master Splinter said. “It may not be a cure, but it is a start. I am afraid my medical knowledge does not exceed very far beyond that.” He sounded heart-wrenchingly grim. “How did this happen? Was there anything, any clue to indicate what the poison may have been?”

Raphael shook his head, looking sadly downwards. “Nothin’. None of us saw it happen. Don said a Foot ninja just came outta nowhere, pricked him once, an’ took off.”

“I see.” He paused, thinking deeply. “There are several common poisons used for tipping blades,” Master Splinter replied, “however, the Foot certainly have the resources to find the uncommon.” He lowered his voice, allowing the anger to come through. “Oroku Saki – never would he have stooped to such a level in the past. It is most dishonorable, and shows his desperation. This … this is an act of pure _cowardice.”_

“Sensei!” Michelangelo appeared in the doorway, holding a large ornate box.

The rat went to him, opening it quickly and shuffling around some glass jars inside. “Michelangelo, hold out your hand.” Mike did as he was instructed. After placing a few different roots and plants in the three-fingered palm, he said, “Good. Now join your brother in the kitchen – place these in the pot, but only after the water has already begun to boil.”

“Y-yes, Master Splinter.” He stole a quick look at Donatello, afraid it might be his last. He turned and fled towards the kitchen. Once there, he repeated the instructions to Leonardo. The two of them waited there without speaking, waiting for the pot to boil; the only sound that of Donatello’s pained cries echoing across the lair. Mike began to tremble.

“Hey, Mikey.” Leonardo put an arm around Mike’s shoulders. “You’re doing really good. Just take a deep breath, okay?”

Michelangelo did as he was told. “Leo? Is-is he gonna be okay?” 

Leo sighed. He felt so drained. It was times like this that were the hardest, though he couldn’t recall a situation ever having been more serious. More than anything, he wanted to give in to his emotions. To panic like Michelangelo, to fly into a rage like Raphael _(odd that he hasn’t yet,_ he thought to the side, _but I know it’s coming);_ to just _release._ But he could not. That’s what being the leader was, it was a full-time job, not something he could just give up on when things got tough. And so, he quieted his own fear, instead offering the comforting words Mike was looking for. “I hope so, little brother. But we can’t give up yet. Donnie is strong and he fights hard, like we all do. We have to stay strong for him.”

Mike nodded slowly, sniffing back his tears. The water began to boil.

**\----------------------------------**

“Please my son, hear me.” Master Splinter had his hands on either side of Donatello’s face and was trying to look him in the eyes. Don’s pupils had become huge. They rolled and darted as his sensei spoke, struggling to focus on the sound.

_“… mm … master ...”_

“Donatello my son, please be strong, we are trying to help you. You must tell me what your symptoms are, so we can assess what is attacking your system.”

_“… master …”_ he repeated the word, sounding delirious.

“My son, tell me what you feel.”

He said nothing at first, and just as Master Splinter was about to repeat the question, he spoke. _“… heart beating … too fast …”_

“Good, my son. Go on.”

He moaned long and loud again, before speaking. _“… every nerve … on fire …”_

Raphael continued to stroke his brother’s head. _This ain’t right,_ he thought. _It ain’t right I gotta sit here and watch this happen. Shit … I’d trade places with him in an instant, if I could._

_“… tired … uhnn … confused …”_ He paused again, breathing heavy. _“… hard to … breathe … feel hot ….”_ He began to cough again, a sound raspy and wet. Suddenly, his body began to hitch.

Master Splinter leaped forward and grabbed him, yelling to Raphael. “Help him – see that he does not choke!”

Together, they successfully leaned Donatello over the side of the bed and he purged a second time. After several heaves, Don’s body began to shake again, and he began to make strange noises in his throat. “Don? Whatsa matter?” Raphael leaned in, trying to get a good look at his brother’s face. _Oh shit,_ he thought, _he’s choking, Don’s choking–_

He wasn’t choking. His eyes were closed, but Raphael could now see that tears forming in the corners of them. He was crying. Raph didn’t think, he just wrapped an arm around Donatello, hugging him tight. “D-Donnie, don’t. C'mon, Donnie … you’re gonna be okay, I promise.” His voice cracked, and Raphael squeezed his own eyes shut tight, trying to keep his emotions from boiling over. The smell of urine was strong in the air now, and he realized that Don’s bladder had also let go. _No wonder he’s so upset … his body’s just shuttin’ down completely._

“Master.” Splinter was right there, his hand on Donatello’s forehead, trying to soothe him. “I’m gonna take Don to the tub, get him cleaned up, if that’s alright.” Don was still covered in vomit as well, not that it mattered to them, of course. _But it matters to him,_ thought Raph, _an’ I can understand that. I’d … want to go out with some dignity too, I guess._ It was a hard thought, the severity of it not quite sinking in for him quite yet.

“Of course, my son.” Master Splinter was trying to keep an even voice, but Raphael could sense the overwhelming anguish in it. “I will prepare the bed for when you return.”

**\----------------------------------**

“Well, I say we risk it. At least they could cure him there.”

“Oh, so they can dissect him afterwards? Great plan, Raph.” 

Raph and Leo argued in the great room, discussing their options. Master Splinter and Michelangelo were by Donatello’s beside, offering him comfort where they could. Amazingly, he’d held on through the night. It gave them slight hope, since initially they’d been sure he wouldn’t even last until they made it back to the lair in the first place. But as the night wore on, his condition worsened steadily, and it was becoming obvious that Don wasn’t going to get better without some sort of intervention.

“Beats sittin’ here, doin’ nothin’! I don’t see _you_ comin’ up with any bright ideas, _Fearless.”_ Raphael was approaching his breaking point. Where his mind had been swimming in a detached fog throughout the ordeal, now the familiar anger was beginning to return once more.

“Yeah well, lying Don out on a platter for our enemies doesn’t exactly seem like the goal we’re after here.”

“So we get a doctor to come to us. We could ... I dunno, follow one leavin’ a hospital.”

“And then what? Take him hostage? Are you insane!”

_“Rrrraaah!”_ Raphael yelled, driving his fist into the wall beside him. “Well what the fuck are we suppose t’do, then! Just wait for him to die?” He hit the wall again. “I can’t take it anymore, Leo! Just listen to him – how can ya sit here, hearin’ that - an’ not do somethin’?” Donatello’s wailing had not ceased since they’d brought him home, and the sickening sound of it was starting to take its toll.

“Raph. Listen to me.” Leo said it in a low growl. _“Do not_ question my loyalty to Donatello. This is no easier for me.” He narrowed his gaze. “But I will not allow you to behave so recklessly! Just stop for a minute and think about this. Kidnapping someone is pointless - they’d need to run tests on him, and for that you need resources, a lab, technicians - just bringing one doctor here won’t be enough!”

“So fuck it, we take him to a hospital!” Raph threw his arms in the air. “You know he ain’t getting’ better, Leo. If we don’t get him help, he’s gonna die.” His eyes burned holes through his brother, and the rage in his voice couldn’t mask the desperation. _“Donnie is gonna fuckin’ die!”_

Leonardo swallowed. Raphael was right. Don was deteriorating by the minute. “We still have some options.” He tried to sound firm, but it came out weak. “We haven’t been able to contact April yet; I’m sure she’ll be able to help us somehow.”

“She ain’t a doctor! Plus, we don’t even know where the hell she is. We haven’t heard from her or Casey since.” 

“Then we just have to wait.”

Raphael was approaching full-blown rage. “Great! ‘Let’s just sit around on our asses and see what happens’ – fantastic leadership there, Leo!”

“Raphael!” He bared his teeth. “That’s enough!”

_“Fuck you!”_ he yelled. “Maybe you can sit here and do nothin’, but I _can’t!_ If there’s anything, any chance at all, I’m gonna take it.” He turned, storming towards the entrance to the lair.

“Raph! Don’t do anything stupid!”

Raphael didn’t acknowledge him. Pausing only to scoop up a pack of gear by the door, he stepped through and was gone.

Leonardo remained a moment longer, debating whether or not to go after him. _Maybe I should shadow him,_ he thought. Face frozen in worry, he turned and looked back towards Donatello’s room, unable to decide what to do next. He stood that way for a mere minute in reality; an eon in his head. The weight of this failure, compounded on so much else, was crushing. _Fantastic leadership indeed._


	6. Chapter 6

As soon as Raphael was out of the lair, he broke into a hard sprint. He ran and ran, straining his muscles to their capacity, letting the adrenaline pour forth and wash out the frustration that had been building inside him. He didn’t have a clear plan, or a destination – he just ran, away from the lair, away from Leo, and away from death.

Eventually, Raphael began to get his wits back. He came to a stop, placing one arm on the wall and laboring to catch his breath. _Don … gotta help Donnie somehow. Shit, what am I doin’ out here? Am I really gonna go kidnap some human?_ He’d been so mad at Leo, he hadn’t really thought too much beyond just getting out of the lair. Now that he was out here, something more important occurred to him. _Donnie … he could go while I’m out. I didn’t even say goodbye to him before I left._ The thought made him want to run back home.

_No. Goin’ back won’t do him any good,_ he countered himself. _I gotta find help._ He looked around wildly, trying to figure out where he’d ended up. He moved down the tunnel a little further, eventually coming to a manhole opening. 

When he’d begun creeping around the back of the hospital, he’d told himself that he was just here to observe. He would probably just swipe some medical supplies from one of the ambulances, or something. He told himself that, but also knew in the back of his head that he had no idea what to steal, since he doubted that he’d be able to identify any type of medicine that could help. And, with the sun high in the sky, it was just a little more difficult for him to get around without being seen.

Raphael slipped inside a nook in the alleyway, cut to fit a couple of large trash bins. He was pleased to find a large pile of cardboard boxes on the ground beside them, saving him from having to hide inside the bins themselves. He promptly crouched inside the largest of the boxes, big enough to conceal him. Looking through the cracks in the cardboard, he was able to get a good view of the back exit to the hospital.

He remained there for a long time, watching the people come and go. Doctors, nurses, orderlies. Ambulance drivers. Guards. Receptionists. This was a service entrance he was looking at here, no patients or families from what he could see. _Okay,_ he thought, _just gotta pick the right one. These guys make their living at helpin’ people, right? Someone here's gotta be willin’ to help us._

But Raphael was conflicted. He had been brought up his entire life to fear this very thing, his master going to great lengths to instill in them all a sense that they were not to meddle in the affairs of humans. April (and Casey) had been accidents, but it was not lost on him and his brothers now how lucky they’d gotten with their two human friends. Raphael was especially mistrustful of the human race, despite the close friendship with the previously mentioned two. All it would take was one mistake – one person in a high place catching wind of their existence, and it would all be over. It was a thought that plagued him often, and he was usually content to interact with humans as he always had – in the shadows and hidden from their view.

Sitting there, unable to make a move, Raphael allowed his mind to wander. He tried not to think about life without Donatello around. Tried not to think about what they would do with his body. He tried so hard not to think about Don’s final moments. Would he be in a lot of pain? Would he be coherent? _Will I get to… talk to him again, before it happens? And if so, what do I say?_

The truth was, it was guilt eating his insides out. Raphael was perhaps closest to Michelangelo, mostly because they liked some of the same stuff, and because Mikey, though annoying at most times, was much less serious than the other two. Leo, on the other hand – well, there was some more complication to their relationship, but yeah – he was pretty close to Leo, more than he liked to admit. They both shared the massive burden of looking out for the younger ones, and the family as a whole. Sure they clashed a lot, but in the end, it was as Master Splinter always said. He and Leo went at each other so much because they were so much alike.

But Donatello, now. He cared as deeply for their resident genius as he did for any member of his family, but they had little in common, that was true. Where Donatello was the brains of the operation, Raphael was definitely the brawn. Their interests just went in different directions. Raph was by no means stupid, but he just couldn’t keep up with Don’s intellect, choosing mostly to tune him out completely when he really got going. It seemed like Donatello was always on about something technical, or babbling about any number of complex theories that Raph didn’t even care to hear. And the same was true in reverse – skilled as he was, Donatello didn’t train nearly as hard as Raph or Leo. For Raph, fighting was his life. He didn’t expect Don to understand.

So now, at the end of things, the guilt chewed on him. _I shouldn’t have … teased him so much. I should a … been more interested in his inventions and junk ... I should a just hung out with him more. Stupid. So stupid to think he’d just always be there, that any one of us would always be here. An’ now it’s too late._ His eyes suddenly caught sight of something – someone. _Maybe it’s not too late._

She was a red-headed nurse, saying a few goodbyes to the uniformed men standing outside. She walked though the parking lot, passing by the cars and heading for the sidewalk. _Alright. Here we go._ Raphael slipped out of his hiding place and carefully made his way along the street, cautious to blend into the background. It was good foresight to grab the backpack by the door; he hadn’t really been thinking clearly when he’d picked it up before leaving. Even through his anger he’d known it was light out, and that he’d need some sort of clothing for cover; lucky for him they always kept a few sets of gear there in the entrance hallway for emergencies. He flipped the hood up on the sweatshirt, concealing his head and pulled a scarf around his face. It was a little warm for this gear, but no so much so that he looked out of place. It was tougher to pull it off in the summer months, but right now the weather was at one of those awkward in-between phases, so it most likely wouldn’t bring too much attention his way. He shoved his hands in his pockets. Despite the fact that his shell stuck out a bit, he really didn’t look much different than any other person on the street, so long as you didn’t stare at him too long; another advantage of living in the big city, he supposed. Raphael began following after the woman, sticking to the dimmer places along the way, just in case.

She was beautiful. Maybe that was one reason he’d seen her and followed. But it was something more. _She just looks… so nice._ Warm, like April did. _She looks like a good person. She’ll come around, just like April._

He followed her for a few blocks. Eventually, she began to look back here and there, nervously. She didn’t see him, but it didn’t stop her from looking uneasy. _Gotta make my move soon,_ he thought. He stepped up his pace.

“Are you insane?” 

“Go away, Leo.” 

“Think for a second! Think of what could happen!”

“The only thing I’m thinkin’ is that she can help Donnie. She can, I know it.”

“She’ll scream – the cops will come …”

“I’ll–I’ll cover her mouth. I can do it without hurtin’ her.”

“You think she’s just going to see you, and what? Listen quietly to your story? Maybe you think she’ll just faint in your arms, and you can carry her back to the lair?”

“Yeah, maybe …”

“So what if that doesn’t happen? What if she kicks, screams and fights? What if she carries a gun for protection?”

“I been up against plenty of guys with guns before.”

“This woman is not your enemy. Raphael, think about this! Even in self-defense, could you live with yourself after injuring someone innocent?”

“I-I don’t have a choice. Don ... he needs help …”

“C’mon! She’s a nurse! What can she do for him? What can she really _do,_ Raph!?”

“I don’t know! She can do more than we can, goddammit!”

“She can’t cure him. You know this. Is it really worth risking everything for this shaky possibility?”

“Hell yeah it is! I mean, I dunno … I just can’t let Donnie go without givin’ it a shot. It ain’t fair to him!”

“This is not the way. Let her go, little brother.”

Leo wasn’t really there. It was the Leo in his head, the one that constantly aggravated him when the real Leo wasn’t around, the one that occasionally kept him from making bad decisions. He looked longingly at the girl, unsure of what to do. She really was beautiful, her smile so radiant with joy and compassion. If ever there was someone who could understand their plight, he was sure it was her.

_What am I saying?_ Raph stopped moving, burying his face in his hands. _I don’t know this woman ... I-I’m just losin’ it. I got myself believin’ all this … what if I’m wrong after all? Fuck._ His eyes stung, but he would not let them release. _Leo was right, this is ridiculous … I don’t know what the hell I’m doin’ out here._

He stole one last look at her. _Just like April. I came this far, I can’t return to the lair empty-handed. I won’t._ Raphael took a deep breath. _Just like April …_

**\----------------------------------**

“April.”

“Oh!” She turned. “Oh, hey! You startled me.” April flipped on the lights. There was Raphael, looking pretty worse for wear, sitting in the armchair. _Sitting here in the dark? Odd …_ But he spoke again before she could question why.

“April, we been tryin’ to call …”

She thought his tone was worry for Casey. “Oh, I’m so sorry Raph - Casey is fine, really. No permanent damage, at least the doctors didn’t think so, though I don’t know how they’d be able to tell.” She rolled her eyes. “They want to keep him there for a couple of days, just for observation. But you would not _believe_ the ordeal I’ve been through in the last twenty-four hours! If you’ve ever been to St. Mary’s on a Friday night in Brooklyn, then you’ve no need to see the circus, let me tell you.” As she spoke, she rummaged around a drawer in the kitchen. “At least Casey got in pretty quickly; he was so loopy by the time we got there, they weren’t sure how extensive his injuries were. Ah, here we are.” She pulled out a long cord, plugging it into the wall. “So get this – in his stupor, the numbskull starts acting afraid of me, saying things like, ‘don’t let her hurt me’ and so on - you know how he is. Unfortunately, the nurses there _don’t_ know him, and so I started getting the evil eye. Well, it wasn’t long before two police officers showed up, giving me the third degree, asking how Casey came about his _mysterious_ head injury. Remember, we had to make up a story, we couldn’t exactly go with ‘he was out playing vigilante,’ you know?” April paused to scramble in her purse.

“April …”

“No, no, I know what you’re gonna say – I should’ve called right then and there. And I would’ve too, if the dumb phone hadn’t died on me.” With that, she pulled out her cell and plugged it into the wall. “Long story short, Casey couldn’t stick to the story we’d concocted, and I spent half the night in county lockup, under suspicion for assault! Can you believe that! Well, luckily by the time he got around to mentioning giant talking turtles, someone figured out that _maybe_ he wasn’t exactly getting his facts straight, and they let me out. Ugh! What a night. He’s _so_ going to get it when this is over.” The phone came to life: _165 missed calls._

“Oh my god Raph, you weren’t kidding!” She looked at him, seeing too much there. He appeared extremely intense, even for him. “Raph? It’s okay, Casey’s fine - oh god, it’s not Casey.” Her hand came to her mouth. “Something else has happened, hasn’t it?” He nodded slowly, tiredly. “Raph, what happened - what’s wrong?”

He croaked out just one word: “Donnie.”

**\----------------------------------**

They stood just outside the lair entrance, Raphael reaching for the hidden lever that operated the door with April at his side. Before pulling the switch however, he stalled, his hand pausing mid-air.

“Raph?”

“I – screwed up, Ape.” He looked away from her. “I couldn’t do it in the end. Don’s gonna die, and there’s nothin’ I can do about it.” On the way there, he’d told her about staking out the hospital and following the nurse. “I just couldn’t do it.” He squeezed his eyes shut.

He would not hug her back, she knew that; so instead she gripped one of his arms, leaning her head on his shoulder. It was a little awkward, given how much shorter he was than her, but it didn’t matter. “It’s not over yet. Maybe I can help.”

He opened his eyes again. “Yeah, maybe.” He broke away from her grip a little awkwardly, but not unkindly. “Just, y’know …” He struggled to find the words. “Just be ready for this, April. It ain’t gonna be a pretty sight.” She nodded in understanding.

He opened the door and froze. 

“Raph? What’s wrong?”

“S’quiet.” He swallowed, speaking barely above a whisper. “It’s too quiet.” He bolted for Donatello’s room then, thinking the worst – _no, no, no NO! I knew it! He’s gone - an’ I wasn’t here …!_

Raphael placed a shaky hand on the doorjamb, afraid of what he was about to see. He held his breath. Slowly the scene unfolded and he could see that Donatello, though unconscious now, was still breathing. Exhaling, Raph took it all in. 

Donatello still gasped unevenly, but his eyes were closed. Mostly closed anyways – upon closer observation Raph could see that they fluttered here and there, threatening to open at any moment. A few low, involuntary moans were still escaping from Don’s throat, and his body still tensed with each one. He looked like someone in the grip of the world’s worst nightmare. _I guess he is, really,_ Raph thought darkly. They had removed his mask, probably in an effort to try and make him more comfortable, but to Raphael it just made him look more exposed, more naked and defenseless. 

Michelangelo’s own mask was lying down around his neck. He was kneeling on the floor by the bed, his head resting on the mattress near Don. The area all around his eyes was puffy and red. It was heartbreaking, seeing his youngest brother lying there so pitifully. _Like a loyal dog,_ thought Raph, _bet he hasn’t left his side._ He looked at the floor. _More than I can say for myself._

Master Splinter sat still in a chair next to the bed, one of his clawed hands resting on Donatello’s shell. His eyes were open, but unseeing. Raphael knew that his master was deep in meditation, attempting to ease Donatello’s pain through more spiritual means. Like Michelangelo, just doing what he could.

But there was another presence in the room, one Raph had avoided looking towards until now. He lifted his eyes and met those of his oldest brother, who was seated some distance away.

Leo sat low and heavy in the chair, his elbows on the armrests. It reminded Raph of the menacing posture adopted by the title character in one of his favorite movies, _Scarface._ Leo’s eyes drilled into Raphael, as they had since Raph first entered the room, but neither spoke. Instead, Leonardo stood slowly, never taking his eyes from his brother. He pressed a finger to his lips and shifted his look towards the hallway.

Once they were out of earshot, Leo spoke low. “Nice of you to join us, Raph.”

It stung, but Raphael ignored it. “How is he?”

“He’s dying.” Leo was digging hard, and it hurt. “And you’re not here with him.”

Raphael’s chest began to heave. He clenched and unclenched his fists, letting them dangle at his sides. He closed his eyes, using everything he had to keep control. Speaking through his teeth, he said, “Maybe _I’m_ not willin’ to accept that, yet.”

“Yeah? So what – have you come to bring us the cure, then? What the hell did you think you could accomplish out there?” Leo’s voice was dripping with disdain. “You should’ve been here, with the rest of us.”

Raphael couldn’t keep it in. He began shaking and hyperventilating. Suddenly, his fist shot outwards and connected with the wall. It hurt like hell, and he was almost sure he’d broken something, but the release felt so good. The pain brought him back down, like it always did. “Urgh. _Fuck.”_

Leo’s expression changed somewhat. _Alright, I’ve got to ease up on him. He’s trying to keep it together… trying not to make a lot of noise, anyways._ “Raph.” Leo leaned against the wall, a vacant look in his eye. “You have no idea what it’s been like.” Leo didn’t go into too much detail, but he went on to tell Raph that things had gotten pretty bad. Don was in a lot of pain, and eventually they’d given in and injected him with painkillers just to give him some relief. Leo’s voice was shaky. “We uh, we weren’t sure if it was a good idea. Don always keeps a cache of morphine in the medical supplies … but it’s strong stuff, you know? I was afraid … I don’t know, that it might just stop his heart or something.”

Raphael just stood facing the wall, breathing heavy, taking it in. “I’m sorry Leo. I just had to try.”

“I understand, little brother. But you - and I – we both have to get it together. I’m not ready to give up on him either. But we can do better for him by sticking together. Going out on your own accomplishes nothing.”

“Not nothin’,” Raph replied. “I didn’t come back completely empty-handed.” He looked at the entryway and she was there like an angel. She looked sad but when she smiled, it filled both of them with hope.

“April…” Leonardo breathed, “April, you’re here!”

“Oh Leo.” She ran up and hugged him. “I’m so sorry. I should’ve been here - it’s a long story.”

“No need to explain, I’m just so glad you’re here now. What about Casey, how’s he doing?”

“He’ll be fine. He’s still at the hospital, but it looks like he’ll be okay. I just talked to him a few hours ago and he sounded normal, so that’s a relief. God, I just realized - I need to call him back, he doesn’t know about Donnie!”

“Of course. But if you don’t mind, I’d like to go over our gameplan first. Don, he’s … I don’t think he has much time.”

“Right. What can I do to help?”

“Well … I was hoping you could tell me that. I don’t know how much Raph told you, but we’re at a total loss. We don’t know what we’re doing April. Don’s the one that usually handles these sorts of situations, and I just don’t know what to do without him.” She’d never heard Leonardo like this. He was always so confident, so in control. It was heartbreaking in and of itself. She could feel tears threatening to well up, but stifled them.

She swallowed, composing herself. “Well, Raph told me what happened, but there isn’t much to go on. From what I understand, we can narrow it down to blood poisoning, but that’s a pretty wide spectrum.” She went on. “What I can do is examine him thoroughly, get a good assessment of his symptoms, and try to narrow it down further from there. Is he conscious? Can I talk to him?”

Leo shook his head.

“Alright, that’s okay. I know you guys have been with him, so you’ll just have to tell me what you’ve observed. Let me get to the computer, and I’ll start by taking some notes. The key is figuring out what type of poison is in his system – if we can get close at least, we’ll have a better idea on how to treat it.”

With that, she and Leo headed for Don’s lab, but Raphael did not join them there.

**\----------------------------------**

_You should have been here, with the rest of us._ Looking down at Don and Mike lying there together, he heard Leo’s words in his head again. He should have been here for Don, Leo was right. But there was more meaning in those words. His brother was also mad that he’d escaped and left Leo here to deal with all of this on his own. It wasn’t easy for him; Raph had seen the weight of leadership bear down on his brother often enough. With their master shut off, Raphael gone … that just left Leo here to deal with this alone. _Keeping Mikey from losin’ it must’ve been hard enough,_ he thought.

It was easy to forget that Leonardo was still in training himself, still finding his place as leader. And it was easy to forget that this whole thing was just as hard on him as it was for the rest of them. _He acts real sure of himself all the time, but it ain’t like that on the inside, I know. I know it, but he pisses me off … and I just forget sometimes._

Raphael kneeled by the bed, watching Don, afraid that every labored breath he took might be the last one. He reached out tentatively and laid a hand on Donatello’s arm, overcome by the need to touch him, suddenly. The arm was hot to the touch. _He’s burnin’ up,_ Raph thought, and noticed that the bed was soaked with sweat. _I better let April know._

Before he left though, he looked over at Michelangelo beside him, sleeping deep and quiet, with a pained expression frozen on his face. _You should have been here, with the rest of us._ Raph reached out and gently laid a hand on Mike’s shoulder. Sleepily, Mike slowly opened his eyes. The confusion disappeared in an instant and he snapped to, looking towards Donatello worriedly. He relaxed a second later, satisfied that Don was still there. 

“Raph,” Mike whispered, “you’re back.”

“Yeah.” Raph gave Mike’s shoulder a small squeeze, before letting go. “Here to stay.”

“Good.” Mike sounded relieved, and exhausted. He hung his head. “It’s been … it’s been, uh …” He couldn’t finish. Tears were beginning to blur up the youngest turtle’s vision, and his throat seized up.

“S’alright Mikey, I know.” Mike’s head hung low, and his body hitched with each quiet sob. A little awkwardly, Raphael reached an arm out and brought Mike forward, letting him bury his face in Raph’s shoulder. _Fuck, I’m an asshole,_ was all he could think. Pulling away, he finally said, “Hey, guess who I found while I was out?” Mike looked up suddenly. “She’s in the lab with Leo right now.”

“April’s here?” Mike’s face lit up.

“Yup. Why don’t you take a break here an’ go say hi to her? I’ll keep an eye on things.”

“Yeah, I will!” He sniffed, wiping his face. “Heh … can’t let her see me cryin’ though.” Replacing his mask, Mike stood up and stretched.

“Mikey, before ya go-” Raph stood as he spoke, making his way to an available chair “-tell Ape that he feels pretty hot. Probably a fever comin’ on. Maybe she can find somethin’ in the cabinet to bring it down.”

Mike’s face went serious, but still retained that spark of hope. “Will do.” He went to the door but paused there. Without looking at him, Mike said, “I’m glad you’re back, Raph.” With that, he left.


	7. Chapter 7

April knew it was going to be bad. Raph’s warning aside, his demeanor alone had been more upsetting. She’d never seen their resident tough guy so broken up. And then there was Leo. He sounded so disturbed as he spoke, like he'd been witness to some act of atrocity. Mike had come to her last, his red eyes betraying the smile on his face. All three, so unlike their usual selves. 

So when April entered Donatello’s room, she thought herself prepared. But when she finally laid eyes on him, the tears came fast and hard. She sat there for a while on the edge of the bed, stroking his head and face. He moved, nuzzling slightly into her touch, but otherwise he seemed oblivious to her. It was hard to tear away, but eventually she gathered herself and went to work. 

The hours passed. April helped them set up an IV drip, so Donatello wouldn’t become dehydrated. She also located some medicine to help with his fever. It wasn’t much, but it made them all feel better. At least they were doing something. On several occasions, she came back into Don’s room to check something, and then she was back to the computer, furiously typing away again. They also felt better about her administering his pain medication; Leo mumbled something about being afraid that he’d given Don too much that first time. Overall, just having April there lifted a large amount of weight from them all.

“How’s it going, any luck?” Leo didn’t sound too hopeful.

She sighed. “Not much, I’m afraid. I’ve been checking his vitals systematically. Even so, and with all the info you guys have given me, I can’t seem to pinpoint it. He has a myriad of symptoms – it’s all over the board. Whatever this is, it’s no common poison.” Leo exhaled slowly. “Don’t worry Leo. I’ve hardly scraped the surface here, there’s still so much information to go through.”

“Thanks, April. You know we really appreciate the help.”

“Hey.” Raphael stepped in. “I just put some coffee on, should be ready in a few.”

“Thanks Raph, that sounds great.” 

“So uh … you gettin’ anywhere?”

She gave Raphael a strained smile. “Nothing too substantial. But we’re not beat yet, guys. I found a few general antidotes in stock – some Vitamin K and stuff like that – I started by giving him those, they’re known to help with most general types of poison. But like I said, his symptoms don’t really match up with the common ones. So I wouldn’t expect a cure per se, but it may help slow the attack somewhat. It’s just a shot in the dark, but it certainly doesn’t hurt to try.” She paused, adding, “I’m actually impressed that you guys had that stuff in there at all … it’s like a small pharmacy in there.”

“Yeah,” Leo said distractedly, “that’s all Donnie. He always puts a lot of effort into keeping us stocked. It’s tough for him too, because I guess a lot of that stuff doesn’t have a very long shelf life.” _He probably never thought he’d be the one lying there, in need of them though._ And on the tail end of that thought came another: _I don’t know what we’ll do if he … doesn’t make it. I don’t even know how he comes across half of that stuff, let alone what each one is used for._

“So that’s it then? Just prolong the inevitable,” Raph muttered, sounding more than bitter.

“Well, I was also thinking that I could give my sister a call. She used to date this guy who was a botanist. Maybe if I could get a hold of him, describe the symptoms … he might be able to tell me if it’s a poison found in nature, at least.”

“Yeah.” Raphael sighed. It didn’t sound promising, but what else could they do? His eye caught Leo just then. His brother was checking the clock on the computer. _That’s the third time I’ve seen him check the time in the last hour,_ he thought. “What’sa matter with you? You got a date or somethin’?”

Leo looked at him, a little shocked. He mumbled, “Uh, yeah. Something like that.” But before he could elaborate, April cut in.

“Listen, guys … I‘ve been thinking. I could maybe try and get him some real help? Maybe I could find someone at a hospital willing to take his bloodwork and run some tests?”

Leonardo sighed. “The thought had crossed my mind, but I just can’t see how you’d do it. Who would you approach? What would you tell them, exactly?”

“Well, I probably don’t want to immediately go into a long story about mutant turtles …”

“They’d lock you in the loony bin,” Leo said.

“Yeah. But maybe I could play it off like I worked for some big mafia boss or something? Or a celebrity that doesn’t want the attention? Those guys are always slipping in under the radar, right? I’ve got some cash in savings, I could offer someone a bribe to keep quiet about it.”

Leo shook his head. “You could get in all sorts of trouble with that. Bringing in blood containing a deadly poison … it would raise a lot of flags.” He paused, adding, “Plus, there’s something else – you have to consider that our DNA is totally unlike a human’s. What happens when your lab guy gets the results back and realizes that the blood you gave him is neither human nor animal, but somewhere in-between? You think that curiosity won’t get the better of him?” He sighed, shaking his head again. “It’s just too risky.”

Raphael barked, “Dammit Leo!” 

“Don’t fucking start, Raph.” Leo rarely cursed. The word sounded foreign coming from his lips, and it visibly startled the other two. “It’s not a solid plan, and I’m not about to let April ruin her life over it.”

“Please, Leo …” She pleaded, “I’ll do anything, whatever it takes. You guys are family.” She sniffed, going for a Kleenex on the table. “I love you all so much. Please - let me do what I can.”

He slumped a little. Leonardo just looked so tired. And the sight of his older brother so worn started to fill Raphael with regret. _Leo’s just tryin’ to do what’s best for everyone ... I gotta remember that._ “Look,” Raph said, the anger gone from his voice, “I ain’t happy about it either, but … I dunno, maybe we should let her try. We’re kinda low on options here, y’know?”

Leo sat contemplating, the gears in his head turning over and over. He looked up at the two of them. “Low, yes. But not out. I’ve … got something I need to do.” He stood up. Taking a deep breath, he spoke in a low, serious tone. “If I don’t return, then it’s all up to you guys.”

“W-what? What’re ya talkin’ about, ‘if you don’t return’? Are ya serious?” Shocked, Raph was on his feet instantly.

“One hour. Just give me that. If I’m not back in an hour, proceed however you see fit.” He zeroed in on his brother. “Just remember, Raph - don’t sacrifice everything. You still have Mikey to look after. And Master Splinter. And April and Casey.” He headed for the door.

“Leo!”

Leonardo ignored him and kept on towards the lair entrance. _Sorry Raph,_ he thought, _but you were right all along. I can’t sit back anymore … I have to try._

**\----------------------------------**

The night was cool, and Leonardo was glad for it. He stood with a tall and straight posture, his arms crossed against his chest. He remained perfectly still, the only movement coming from the tassels on his mask as the occasional breeze swept by. He was out of view from the street, but didn’t make more effort to conceal himself beyond that. He wasn’t out here to fight, though he was sure it would come to that regardless.

He kept close watch on the water tower, located on the nearby rooftop, the place he’d requested this meeting with Karai. So far, there had been no sign of her or her soldiers, but he was sure that he was being watched.

It was why he’d chosen not to stay hidden here; no sense in drawing this out. He meant to speak with her, and hopefully his message had reached her in time. Leo was aware of a few spots where the Foot were likely to hang out, and so, during Raph’s little excursion, he’d headed out himself towards the closest one and prowled around. He didn’t have to wait long, thankfully, for a couple of Foot soldiers to exit one of the buildings. The first fell unconscious before the other was even aware, but a swift punch to the face a second later certainly got his attention. Clutching his shattered nose, the soldier held out a shaky hand to receive Leo’s note. He was given explicit instructions to deliver it to his mistress in private.

Leonardo waited now for her on the rooftop. He took this time to reflect somewhat on the events that had brought him here. He went back, centering in on that fateful brawl with the Foot. He’d been locked in with Karai himself for the duration of the fight, so he knew that it wasn’t her hand that actually held the poisoned blade. _But that means little,_ he thought. _The Foot are under her command … so was she the one to give the order?_ It didn’t feel right, but he wasn’t so sure. _And why go after Donnie?_ Sure, Leo was always afraid that the Foot might target Don out because of his particular talents, but maybe that was just coincidence after all. _If it was Karai,_ he thought, _she could’ve been using him to get at me. She knows attacking my family is a stronger blow to me than anything else._ That thought caused the anger to bubble up inside him. _But would she really resort to such a thing?_

He had a hard time believing Karai would do something so underhanded and sneaky; she may serve under the Shredder, but the woman fought by a strict code. Or so he thought. _What do I really know of her?_ Doubt was beginning to get its hooks in him. _Maybe she’s been playing me all along, just letting me think that. Using me._ He sighed quietly. _Maybe I’ve been a fool._ Suddenly, at that very moment, a figure stepped from the shadows below him, standing erect beneath the water tower. She wore a thin, tattered cape and hood over her normal gear; the hood obscuring her face entirely. He stared at her form, sparing one last thought before joining her: _if I find it was you that caused this, Karai – then this game is over. I swear it now. I will take the life of the one responsible._ He leaped down, joining her there.

**\----------------------------------**

“Karai.” She was still; there was no reaction from her. “My brother is dying,” he said, going straight to the point. “I have come for answers.”

She did not say anything at first, and then a voice emerged from the darkness inside the hood. “What answers do you think I would have? And why would you think I care what happens to your family, when you are a constant thorn in the side of mine?” She sounded defiant, but her response did ease some of that doubt Leo had been letting get to him moments before.

He played along, speaking to her as if she was actually ignorant of the situation, but not believing it quite yet. “My brother, Donatello – he was wounded with a poison-tipped blade. It was one of your Foot soldiers that caused the injury.”

She cocked her head slightly. “Impossible. You are mistaken.”

“I’m not.” Leonardo was having a difficult time keeping his frustration at bay. His blood was boiling and he was gripped by a desperate need to fight right now. Part of him – a large part, he was surprised to find – wanted to just beat the information out of her right this second but he held back his rage, needing to know the truth first. The effort to maintain himself was so great though, he felt lightheaded with it. He thought offhand, _I wonder if this is how Raph feels all of the time._ He continued. “I know that you know something. Just like I know that you did not come alone, as I asked.” He pulled one sword.

“How very astute of you, Leonardo. That knowledge does not help you, however.” She gave a sharp whistle, pulling her own sword in the process. Dozens of Foot soldiers began to pour in from every angle. They came fast, creeping over the lip of the roof like crawling bugs. Leo tensed, but held his position. They circled around, until the two of them were completely surrounded.

“Yield to me.” 

Leo did not. He stood at the ready, his single katana poised. Slowly, methodically, he pulled the other sword. His face eased into a sure smile as he did so. Though he was under cover of the water tower, his ears picked up the first sounds of rain beginning to fall.

Karai raised her own sword slightly, using the other hand to reach back and pull away her hood. Keeping her head cocked to one side, she now faced him bare, her eyes on fire. “There is no escape, Leonardo.” She frowned. “Why is it you look so pleased?”

He grinned wider. “Because I didn’t come alone, either.”

The words were barely out of his mouth when Karai heard a loud _thwup_ sound come from her right, followed by the same sound a second later on her left. Two more turtles were there, having dropped from the tower above, and were already engaging her minions. She brought her attention back just in time to meet Leo’s sword with her own. As she moved, her other cheek came into view, and Leonardo could now see the fresh cut that ran across it. _The price of failure,_ he thought sadly. _He threatens exile, but punishes her with violence._ Leonardo spared a quick thought to his own master then, knowing how fortunate he and his brothers really were. 

The scene, so still the moment before, erupted in battle. All three brothers fought with a new fervor, letting the last twenty-four hours in hell flow through each attack. Each felt a new desperation; this was their last real chance (albeit slim) at helping Donatello, and they all knew it. Foot soldiers were dropping like flies. Leo, as was his usual manner, divided his attention between facing Karai and keeping his senses tuned into Raphael and Michelangelo. So far they seemed to be fine, and with each passing minute, Leo felt his confidence in the situation grow. _You guys were right,_ he thought out to his brothers, _I never would’ve gotten this far alone._

Leo thought back to their exchange at the lair, marveling now at how differently things might have gone if Raph hadn’t stopped him. He’d made it out the front door, but before he could head down the sewer tunnel a meaty hand gripped his arm, turning him back. Raphael didn’t say anything at first, but had stood looking at him like he was crazy. 

“Listen, Raph-”

“Nuh-uh,” Raph cut him off, “you're gonna listen to me for a change. This is bullshit, Leo. You gonna go out an’ save the day now, all on your own? What about all that ‘we gotta stick together’ stuff you were on about before?” He was getting that agitated look again. “So it’s ‘do as I say, not as I do?' Fuckin’ typical.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I know. But you were right. I can’t wait for a miracle to happen, I’ve got to do something.”

“Okay I get that, but why the secrecy? Why don’t ya just tell us what you’re up to? You finally come up with some great plan and now you ain’t even gonna share it with the rest of us?”

“It’s too dangerous. It probably won’t even work.” 

“Sounds like ya need all the help you can get, then.” It wasn’t difficult for Raph to figure out what Leo was up to. If anything, he was surprised it took this long before his brother resorted to it. _He’s got somethin’ goin’ on with that woman – and he trusts her way too much._ Raph decided to drop it on the table there. “You really think _she’s_ gonna help us?” 

Leo stared at his feet. “I don’t know. But it’s all I’ve got. And I can’t drag you two back into this.” He looked back up. “You know I’d lay down my life in an instant if it could help Don. But there’s no way I’m going to sacrifice you and Mike as well.”

“That’s stupid.” Startled, they both turned to see Michelangelo in the doorway. “And selfish.”

“Mikey-”

“You really gonna do this to us now, Leo?” Mike had his mask loose around his neck again, and they could see the dark circles that had built up under his eyes. In the background of this conversation, the sounds of Donatello’s suffering still wafted through the open door. Mike just closed his eyes then and listened, swaying slightly from exhaustion. 

“Mike, a-are you okay?” Leo’s voice came out sounding small. He and Raphael both stared at the younger turtle with increasing concern. Raph reached up and squeezed Mike’s shoulder, giving him a little shake.

Mike’s eyes opened slowly, tiredly. He centered in on Leonardo. “No. I’m not okay.” He turned, including Raph. “While you guys run around arguing, doing stuff … I’ve been in there the whole time, with _him.”_

“I know. I’m sorry Mike. We’re doing the best we can-”

“Well, I’m sick of it! I don’t wanna just watch anymore, I wanna do something to help. You guys don’t always have to treat me like I’m a dumb kid.”

It was true that both Leo and Raph hadn’t really included Michelangelo in any of their decisions up to this point; they both had figured that Mike was too out of it, incapable of much else than babysitting Don. It was becoming obvious now that Mike had had the hardest job of all. The impact of it was so apparent now; he seemed so terribly sad, his spirit utterly shattered. Out of all of them, the emotion seemed the most wrong coming from the normally jovial turtle.

Raphael squeezed his temples. _Christ,_ he thought, _this is so fucked up. This whole thing is so fucked up._

“Whatever you’re planning to do,” Mike went on, “I want in on it. It’s especially dumb to try and go off alone, Leo – we’re not gonna let you do that.”

Leo looked at Mike steadily. “I’m walking right into a trap.”

“I don’t care if you’re planning to walk in the Shredder’s front door. Raph and I are coming.” He looked at Raphael for support.

“Mikey’s right,” Raph added. “Ya ain’t leavin’ here without us.” He changed gears. “C’mon Fearless, we know how ya love to give orders. So let’s have ‘em – what’s the plan?”

Eventually, Leo had given in and revealed his secret meeting with Karai. Mostly it had been Mike’s haunting cadence that had convinced him. The quality of Mike’s tone so disturbed him, he understood now that putting his own self in danger wasn’t fair to the youngest turtle either. _If something happened to me too,_ Leo thought, _Michelangelo would never recover. Raph maybe – but not Mikey. Hell, he might never recover from this anyways._

Now, as Leo looked on at the two of them, he was no longer consumed by the worry for their safety. Instead, he felt great pride. He was glad they were here, fighting by his side. _Definitely couldn’t have done this without you guys._

**\----------------------------------**

The rain was coming down in a torrent. It mattered little to the turtles, since Master Splinter had made sure they were all extensively trained in the art of blind-fighting. The weather was certainly hindering the ability of their enemies though, and it gave the terrapins a much needed advantage. _I don’t think I need to tell you both to play careful with the ones carrying blades,_ Leo had said to the others, _we don’t need a repeat of what happened earlier._

The water collecting on the roof was beginning to take on a red hue, as soldier after soldier contributed to it. Raphael was a turtle possessed, his weapons jabbing and retracting with terrible speed. If not for the rain, his skin would have been coated in gore. Instead, it all slid into a grotesque soup at his feet. He tried to keep moving to better ground, but a slick patch got the better of him, and he went down hard. It was just enough opening for one of his enemies to get through.

 _“Argh!”_ Raph yelled. He’d managed to turn just in time, so instead of slicing his throat in two, the small blade entered his shoulder, near the collarbone. He had a hold of the attacker’s hand in an instant; in the next he snapped the wrist. Raphael then grabbed the howling Foot ninja by the neck.

“Was it you?” He screamed into the soldier’s face. “Were you the one that got Donnie?” As he squeezed tighter, the soldier frantically clawed at his throat with his good hand. There was terror in his eyes, and Raphael drank it in. The soldier gagged, trying to shake his head slightly. Keeping his grip on the man’s windpipe, Raphael replaced one sai to his belt and reached up with his other hand. He slid the steel blade out from himself, feeling the metal scrape across the bone on the inside. He removed it without flinching, looking like a madman as he did so.

Raphael threw his hand back instantly, driving the dagger into the jugular of another Foot coming at him from behind. The man fell away screaming, and Raph returned his attention back to his captive. “Answer me! Did you poison my brother?”

Again, the confused-looking Foot soldier attempted to shake his head no, but he wasn’t able to manage much before his eyes began to roll back into his head. Raph let loose another yell of frustration, lifting the man and tossing him into the oncoming wave of approaching Foot.

“Raph! What’s going on, you okay?” Leo shouted.

“I’m fine, Leo!” _And if I’m not,_ he thought, _well, I should have enough juice left to see this fight through, at least._

Leonardo managed a quick look at his hotheaded brother and saw him still fighting strong. Satisfied that the noise was just another one of Raph’s rage-filled outbursts, Leo checked in on Mike instead. 

Michelangelo was pissed. It was hard to get him really riled up like this, though his brothers (mainly Raphael) had managed to do it a few times in the past. The thing about Mike was, he didn’t scream or yell, or punch things like Raph did; instead he just got quiet. When Mike was angry, it was easy to tell by the unusual silence that surrounded the normally animated turtle. Even in a fight you couldn’t shut him up, much to their leader’s constant aggravation. Leo was sure one day Mike’s lack of seriousness was going to come back to haunt him but oddly enough, it never had. Even in his most manic moments, it seemed like something else took over the younger turtle’s movements. It was funny how he could hardly follow a single train of thought in normal situations, yet in battle it seemed as though his brain could multitask like crazy.

Don had some interesting theories about it. He felt that their training had a lot to do with it; at this point they were all skilled enough to react without thinking most of the time. _“But it’s like his body completely moves on its own, independent of any actual thought,”_ Don had said, _“I sometimes think that if he wasn’t running his mouth constantly, it might actually cause him to make mistakes.”_

And so, as the bloodshed escalated and the water began to pool, the lack of banter coming from the youngest brother caused an unease to build in the oldest one. Ordinarily, Leo didn’t have to use his eyes to know that Mike was alright, and that fact alone felt wrong enough. Nevertheless, the few times Leo had been able to check in so far, Mike had seemed to be doing fine. The ground was far less red on his side than on the bladed turtles’ terrain, but the body count was the same regardless; the fallen piling around the nunchaku-wielding brother being more of the ‘smashed skulls’ variety.

Mike was in pretty close proximity and though most of Leo’s attention went towards Karai, he and his brother were sharing a few of the same enemies here and there. Still, there was a great number of Foot left to deal with, and Leonardo found his view of Michelangelo often obscured by the constant throng. He darted and dodged, trying to get into a position around them. Avoiding another swipe, Leo moved swiftly, throwing a roundhouse kick into Karai’s face. It wasn’t enough to dispatch her, but it bought him enough time to get a good, long look at Mike.

Mike was overwhelmed. One of his hands was missing a weapon completely; the other held a nunchaku firmly locked around a Foot ninja’s sword. The two of them struggled against one another with every bit of strength, and Mike was slowly being forced to his knees from the effort.

_“Mike - behind you!”_


	8. Chapter 8

It seemed that the Shredder had grown in size; standing next to Michelangelo he dwarfed the youngest turtle like some sort of monstrous caricature of himself. Mike, having to abandon his remaining weapon, moved just in time to avoid the Shredder’s first strike, but he wasn’t so lucky the second time. One of Saki’s jagged gauntlets tore through Mike’s thigh, slicing right to the bone. 

Mike screamed in agony, clutching the wound and falling to the ground at the Shredder’s feet. Blood was gushing from him in lethal amounts, spurting between Mike’s fingers with each beat of his pulse.

 _“Mikey!”_ His brothers cried his name in unison. But it was too late. They just couldn’t make it in time.

The Shredder drove a hand down onto Michelangelo’s face, pinning him to ground like a struggling animal. Mike thrashed in vain, looking on helplessly through the Shredder’s gnarled fingers. The other gauntlet came around fast, neatly slicing Mike’s throat in two.

_(No …)_

Leo and Raph were there an instant too late, Leo propelling himself at the Shredder while Raph saw to Michelangelo. He kneeled, cradling his brother’s head. Mike looked at him frantic and terrified, making awful choking noises as he struggled for air. “Easy Mikey, s’alright …” He spoke softly, knowing it was too late, just trying to ease Mike’s descent.

 _“R-raph-”_ Michelangelo managed to gasp his brother’s name. Angry tears started to stream down Mike’s face. 

“S’alright,” Raph repeated. “Don’t try an’ talk …” He swallowed hard, staring into his brother’s eyes. “We-we love ya Mikey. I’m sorry …” 

It took less than a minute, though it seemed like forever. Raphael laid his brother’s body down gently, standing slowly and drinking in the enormity of it. Michelangelo - goofy, funny, childlike Mikey – was dead at his feet. He had just been there, had just been alive and fine a moment ago – and now he was gone. It happened too fast. Raphael looked at his own hands, covered in his brother’s blood, sick at the sight. He looked up, seeing the Shredder; seeing his brother’s murderer. It was there that he let it go. There were no tears for Mike yet, no sadness; first came the hate, the rage – and revenge. 

Leo heard the guttural scream of Raph’s approach, and his heart broke at its meaning. It had been too long since they’d faced Saki in the flesh, and it was depressingly apparent now that he’d somehow become much more powerful in that time. _Mikey,_ he thought, devastated, _Mikey’s gone. I–I couldn’t get to him in time …_ One of Leo’s arms hung at his side, broken and useless. The other gripped his remaining katana in desperate defense. The Shredder was relentless, inhuman in his attacks. He landed a crushing kick into the side of Leo’s head and it looked like the end for him as well.

But Raphael was there. Leo fell, temporarily forgotten as his brother entered the fray.

Raphael was mindlessly insane with fury. He drooled and sputtered, cursing with each attack and looked more and more like a rabid animal with each passing second. Raphael wasn’t thinking anymore. He went fully on the offensive, not letting up or even bothering to defend himself. As a result, he was becoming increasingly injured, as the Shredder took every opportunity.

Leonardo was only out cold for a few seconds but it took him a few moments more to get his bearings. At last, he managed to get himself into an upright position but paused again there, waiting for the world to stop spinning around him. Eventually, he turned towards the sound of fighting and realization set in. 

Dragging himself to stand, he swayed, struggling to remain conscious. He moved forward zombie-like, using every bit of effort to maintain his balance. Unsteady perhaps, but the determination in his eyes burned bright. Now he could see what Raphael was doing and knew he had to get over there. His brother’s lack of self-awareness was terribly apparent now. 

Raphael was covered in wounds from head to toe, his entire body slick with his own blood. Still it did not slow his pace. Raph drove forward, drawing the energy from some unknown well within. The sounds coming from him were mostly unintelligible, but one distinct shout came though.

_“You're gonna pay for Mikey, you bastard!”_

“Raph!” Leo screamed at him, knowing he wasn’t going to make it in time. _“Don’t!”_

In the end, it was as they had always feared; it was his blind aggression that caused him to falter. The blood loss was no doubt beginning to take its toll, the outcome being that Raphael lunged in close for a jab at the Shredder’s face, but missed entirely. He stumbled forward and Saki caught him, Raph’s own weight forcing the gauntlet’s spike deep into his left eye.

_(No!)_

Their leader watched horrified, helpless as Raph’s body went limp. The Shredder tossed the skewered turtle aside like a discarded doll. He stepped heavily, ominously, making towards Leonardo, now the last of them.

It was over for Leonardo. _Raph, no … not you too … my brothers…_ He fell to his knees and dropped his sword to the ground, his chest heaving. The Shredder pulled a long katana from the sheath at his side, raising it for the final blow.

Leo looked up. “Donnie,” he said. “Donnie - why weren't you here? Why didn’t you save us?” 

**\----------------------------------**

_(It hurts …)_

The pain was immeasurable. Worse than anything Donatello had ever thought possible. Watching, helpless, as his brothers died one by one ... it was too much for him. His mind broke and the rest of his body followed, manifesting this horror as physical pain. It began in his chest, ballooning outwards through his body until every nerve was affected. He screamed and screamed, but there was no one to hear.

Those were the worst, the soul-wrenching visions that toyed with that same old fear – the fear of loss, of death and failure. Others weren’t so emotionally devastating, but the pain was ever there. The only consistent thing about the nightmares was the endless physical pain that permeated each one. In one dream, he was literally on fire – unable to put out the flames, he just burned and burned. But his skin would not peel, the flesh stayed intact and the fire refused to consume him. In another, he was submerged in a measureless ocean, drowning for eternity. His lungs strained to the point of bursting, but they would not burst; instead lingering on that last ledge before death, taunting him with release. Here the pain was always; here there was no respite. 

_Please,_ was his only coherent thought, _please just end it. Please let me die._

Donatello opened his eyes and found himself strapped to a table. Electricity shot through him, frying every nerve ending. The only sounds in his head were those of his own screams reverberating with each shock.

“I have some bad news for you, Donatello,” Agent Bishop said. “It seems your body has mutated further and given you a new ability.” He smiled sadistically, his mouth home to too many sharp-looking teeth. “It seems that you cannot die, no matter what we do. And while that makes you the perfect test subject for us, I’m afraid it isn’t going to be pleasant for you.”

Bishop began shrieking laughter like a maniac, holding up an electric saw high into the air. The blade came down and split Donatello’s torso in two, exposing his inner workings. Still laughing, Bishop began pulling out Don’s organs one by one and placing them on a tray. _Oh god,_ Don screamed in his head, _why can’t I die?_

And after hours (or days, or weeks … there was no concept of time here) of torture at the hands of one madman, his mind would break again, propelling him into the hands of another. Sometimes the dreams were of pain, just physical pain; and while these types of visions were maddening enough, they were nothing compared to the nightmares of death, watching helpless as those he cared for fell around him.

Donatello opened his eyes. Someone was screaming - a woman, but not just any woman. _It’s April!_ He felt panic. _I don’t see her!_ “April!” He heard himself shout. “April, where are you?”

He sat upright. Again, the motion caused him great pain, but he was unsure why. The scene was coming slowly into view. He looked around and saw that he was mostly in the dark. A sliver of light pouring through a crack in the door brought the realization that he was in his own bedroom. April’s screams were coming in from the living area, and it sounded like she was in terrible agony.

“April! Hold on, I’m coming!” He tried to get up, but fell out of the bed instead. The pain coursing through his body was mind-shattering. _I don’t understand … what’s wrong with me …?_ There wasn’t time to think about it though. He crawled for the door.

He smelled the blood a second before he saw it. As his hand gripped the side of the door, Donatello was startled to see that his arm was coated. Pulling the door wide, light spilled into the room. He turned around to see that his bed was soaked in the red liquid and he’d left a smear across the floor in his effort. His body was covered in deep gashes. He could see muscle protruding from several. His right arm was broken near the elbow and two jagged, white bones were sticking through the skin there. The portions of his skin that weren’t bleeding were instead heavily bruised and swollen; indeed, the extent of his injuries was so much that he could not recognize the sight of his own body. Nevertheless, he gritted his teeth, forcing himself to stand. _I–I’ve got to get to April …_ Her cries ate at him; it was all he could think of.

Limping, Don tried to steady himself by placing his good hand on the smooth brick of the hallway. He struggled to hurry, but it proved to be too much for him. After a few feet, he came crashing down hard, smashing into the door of Michelangelo’s room and sending it flying open. The compound fracture in his arm tore further, causing him to scream out in terrible pain. 

Don’s cry caught in his throat. Mike was lying in his bed, his sheets also soaked in blood.

He scrambled along the floor, desperately grabbing at the bed in order to pull himself up. There was Mike, his eyes frozen open, with his throat torn out. “Oh Mikey ...no.” Don choked. _They–they got him in his sleep, looks like._ Don couldn’t believe what he was seeing. _How - who did this …_

Another terrified scream erupted from April’s lips. Donatello tore himself away and made for the sound again. _Got to … get to her …_ He stumbled again into the hall, seeing that Leo’s bedroom was next, and dreading what he might find there. He couldn’t stop himself. With a shaky hand, he eased open Leo’s door.

A candle sat glowing on the desk. It had burned low but still offered just enough light to see by. And Leo was there, seated at the desk with his back to the door, only something was missing. Several feet away, having rolled from where it had dropped, was Leo’s head. Donatello averted his eyes instantly, the sight too much for him to bear. “No,” he cried, thinking, _I don’t understand this._ He struggled to stay conscious, feeling suddenly faint.

Pushing on, he already had no hope for the last of his brothers. He could easily see bloody footprints leading away from Raphael’s room, but still he forced himself to look inside. It appeared that Raphael had put up the most fight, but that fact offered Donatello little comfort. The entire room was trashed and it looked like one hell of a brawl had gone on. But the victor was nowhere to be seen. Only his brother’s body remained, slumped in the corner, his head resting on his breast. His flesh was riddled with weaponry; dozens of shurikens and small blades littered his corpse, from top to bottom. The final blow, it seemed, had come in the form of a short sword, which coldly penetrated his chest near the heart.

Don’s tears were coming hard now, but still he pushed on. _April’s still alive … I must get to her …_ He entered the great room, and saw the cause of all this sorrow.

April was there, bruised but still alive. She was on her knees, being restrained by a Foot soldier. And standing over her, administering her beating, was the Shredder. He stood in full regalia, his armor glinting in the dull light of their lair. 

“Stop!” Donatello, still broken and limping, had no idea where his bo was. Certainly he was in no shape to fight. But he couldn’t think to do anything else. Driven by anguish, he shouted at them, just wanting to stop the Shredder from hurting his family further.

The Shredder paused mid-strike and looked up at Donatello. His eyes became slits. “I see that my Foot have been careless,” he said, sounding almost amused. "One has survived after all.”

“Shredder …” Don breathed. “H-how did you find us?” 

“Did you think your pathetic security measures were enough to keep us away? Did you think you were well hidden here, in your filth?” He laughed. “I, who have unlimited resources? With armies at my command?” He laughed again. “You have become overconfident in your intellect, _turtle._ It was not difficult for those in my employ to find ways around your safeguards.” He turned back to the shivering woman on the floor. “And now, as punishment for your arrogance, you may witness the demise of this woman – the last of your pathetic allies.”

 _“Let her go.”_ Donatello sounded uncharacteristically enraged. “Saki, you have murdered my family - I will not let you leave here while I still stand!”

The Shredder did not retort. Instead, he drove his fist into April’s chest, the long blade on his gauntlet piercing her straight through. She let out a choking cry.

 _“No!”_ Donatello propelled himself forward, but the effort brought him crashing to the ground again. He struggled to raise his head. _No,_ he thought, _all dead … everyone’s dead ... it’s all my fault ..._ His vision was blurring. _I wasn’t good enough … I wasn’t smart enough … it’s all my fault …_

Things were getting hazy and the scene before him started to fade. He could hear screaming again, but didn’t know where it was coming from. Eventually he felt hands on him, somewhere – strangely enough they felt comforting. It was an unusual sensation through this madness, but he clung to it. Don’s eyes fluttered open and he thought he could make out his bedroom again, only this time the lights were on. He saw April standing over him, but the image seemed far away still. _April! She’s okay?_ The pain was still there, but he couldn’t exactly see why now. _Sick,_ he thought brokenly, _I’m sick, I think._ He felt so confused. He wasn’t sure what was real, but he clung to the sight of April, trying desperately to stay there with her. It was a battle he eventually lost again, slipping back into a sea of nightmares and torment. As he went, he pleaded outwards, crying for mercy. 

_Please … please just make it stop …_


	9. Chapter 9

_“Mike - behind you!”_

Michelangelo, who was still very much alive for the moment, was still poised with one nunchaku wrapped snugly around the Foot soldier’s blade, though he was temporarily incapacitated with his back vulnerable. Leo dodged Karai’s sword again, falling back with a roll along the ground. With some distance between himself and the lady ninja, Leo shot to his feet, throwing one of his katana in Mike’s direction. He got his other weapon in the air just in time to block her next move. The airborne sword met its target perfectly, impaling the enemy that was creeping up in Mike’s blind spot. Michelangelo finally broke his hold and dispatched the soldier he’d been face-to-face with. The man sprawled backwards and Mike got a quick look at the dead soldier that had nearly gotten to him. He exclaimed, “Thanks Leo – I owe ya one!” Mike then went on the defensive, knocking back a few more. When he was able, he reached down and removed the sword from the man’s corpse. “Leo! Head’s up!”

Leonardo caught the sword mid-air with precision. As less and less Foot filtered towards him, the fight between him and Karai ramped up. _She’s getting angry - she knows that she’s losing. Still_ , he marveled, _I’m not seeing any reinforcements yet._ There could’ve been several reasons for that, he knew. She may have thought Leonardo would’ve come alone himself (and part of him did feel that it wasn’t honorable to deceive her in that respect, but again, his brothers gave him no choice regardless). Or she may have known that they would all show, letting overconfidence tell her that she’d brought with her a sizeable enough army to take them down. _Especially if they’re armed with poison,_ he thought bitterly. He felt that anger well up in him again and pushed towards her even more aggressively. But he was still conflicted. _She brought enough Foot with her to keep up appearances,_ he thought deep down, _she may be traveling light for our benefit after all._ Even if that was true, he knew that her pride would not allow her to face him without a fight. If he wanted anything from her, he’d already known going in that he’d have to contend with her sword first.

Nevertheless, he attempted to appeal to her with words. “All I’m after-” he said with a grunt, slamming both katana into her single blade “-is information, Karai! Your men are dead! Cease this!”

She did not reply, attacking again as though he’d said nothing at all. “Dammit!” Leonardo growled at her, “Enough! I don’t have time for this!” He could see that Raphael had done his job in its entirety, being that there were no more enemies standing on that side of the tower any longer. Raph had now made his way to Mike’s side and the two of them were making quick work of the remaining foes there.

He addressed her again. “Look to your soldiers! It is _over,_ Karai!”

“Never!” She flew at him again and again. 

“Karai please! Listen to me!” He nearly caught the tip of her sword, dodging at the last second. “My brother has little time. I do not wish to fight!”

Finally, she hesitated. He just had time to think, _good, I’m starting to get through to her_ – when a green fist connected with the side of her head.

_“Raph!”_

She stumbled and turned, reacting much faster than Raphael expected. Nevertheless, he was ready. She went in, but a sai appeared in front of him, catching her sword and knocking it aside. Her momentum brought her right into Raphael’s face and before he knew what was happening, she spat directly into it.

 _“Gah!”_ Blinded, Raph fell back half a step and threw a hand to his eyes. “What the fu-!” Her kick landed directly into the middle of his abdomen, knocking him back with such a force that he skidded several feet when he landed. 

Leo gave a quick nod to the turtle in orange. Mike had run out of Foot soldiers and was now cautiously circling around Karai, attempting to get into a flanking position. Leo was careful to keep her attention forward, giving him time to close the gap. He could hear Raph sputtering and cursing, and knew that the dam was about to burst.

Raphael had no reservations about destroying anything associated with the Foot Clan and that included Karai. On a normal day he would’ve taken any measure to end her life. Leo might think that there was something redeeming in her, but all Raphael saw was another threat. And now, with his brother lying near death in his own bed, he burned with hatred towards the ones responsible. He needed an enemy, needed to release the violence that had been building inside since that moment when they learned Don had been attacked.

And now the bitch had spit in face. After all of this, she’d spit in his goddamn face.

Raphael tilted his head upwards, oblivious to the fat raindrops cutting sharply into his skin. He gripped both sais with such fierceness that his knuckles turned white with the effort. He let loose a low, primal scream towards the sky; it was a sound that contained such fury and hatred that it forced the only other living beings on the roof to freeze in their tracks.

 _Dammit,_ thought Leo, _there he goes, right on cue._ Knowing what was coming, Leo ignored Karai for the moment, instead centering in on his brother. Sure enough, with another animalistic howl, Raphael lunged directly at her, murder glinting in his eyes.

 _“Raph!”_ Leonardo intervened just in time, having to engage Raphael himself to defend Karai. _He’s got that look again,_ Leo thought worriedly (and not a little disappointedly), _he’s gone._ Over the years he’d seen Raph lose it too many times to count, but there were only a handful of instances when he’d seen his brother in this particular state. Raph’s eyes were glazed over; the pupils so dilated that he seemed not to be focusing on any one thing. He bared his teeth and growled with each strike, seemingly not even aware that he was trading blows with his own sibling.

“Raphael! _Snap out of it!”_ Leo was desperate. Raph was entranced, the rage completely taking a hold of him. Mike often joked that "you wouldn’t like Raph when he’s angry," but when facing his brother in the heat of this mindless anger, it was a terrifying thing. Leo twisted both katanas, keeping the blades along the length of his arms and coming at Raph with the hilts instead. Finally, he connected hard into the whole of Raph’s snout, shouting at him once again as he did, “Raph, it’s me!”

He fell back a step. He shook his head once, looking confused. “Leo? What-?”

“Raph! We need to keep her alive – remember Donnie!”

Blinking back the fogginess, Raph gathered his wits. “Uh. Right. Alright, I’m with ya.” He gave Leo a serious nod. He looked suddenly exhausted, like someone who’d just woken up from a heavy sleep.

“Raph.” Leo’s eyes suddenly went wide. “You’re bleeding.” He saw the wound on Raphael’s shoulder at last.

Under control now, he responded quickly. “I’m fine, Leo – c’mon, Mikey needs our help.” That was partly true, but Raphael really wanted to avoid this conversation right now. He moved in, Leo following just a step behind.

So far, Michelangelo had done a fine job of keeping her busy. He was locked in with her now, the two of them going head-to-head. Leo and Raph paused just a few seconds, waiting for an opportunity. It was Raphael that acted on it first, but Leo stayed in close, afraid his brother might lose control again.

Mike had seen his brothers come towards them and knew it was time to end this. He changed his stance, easing up on her and letting her come to him instead. Sure enough, she lunged predictably and he sidestepped, catching her sword in one nunchaku. Raph threw a kick into her side instantly. Mike kept a tight grip on her weapon, and though his wrist would be swollen for it in the following week, he held on with everything he had. Disarmed and sprawling on the ground, she looked up into the faces of the three menacing figures looming over her, knowing that it was over. Without a word, she gathered herself into a kneeling position, her head hung in shame and awaiting her fate.

Raphael stowed his sais and circled around the back of her, roughly grabbing her arms and forcing her to her feet. He looked up at his older brother.

Leonardo stood still for a few seconds, looking on and trying to read her. He allowed his eyes to flit sideways, taking in the wound on Raphael’s shoulder. “Karai.” He stowed his katanas, trying hard to keep his patience, though he could feel it waning. “You must tell us what you know.”

She sneered at him, ever defiant. “And if I refuse?”

That was enough. Leonardo snapped, laying into her. “Is this _amusing_ to you? I suppose relying on such cowardly tactics is the way the Foot operates these days? My brother suffers in sickness like I have never seen – he is _delirious_ with pain – is that what you consider honor in winning?” Leonardo’s chest heaved. He leaned in closer to her, speaking through his teeth. 

“I’ve never seen a body be so sick and not die. I didn’t know that it was even possible to suffer so much.” Leo was losing his composure slowly, his voice sounding more and more desperate. “Do you know what I did today? I watched his fingernails fall off. They _rotted_ right off his hands! He vomits blood. He is dying - _slowly_ \- from the inside out.”

Leo stood straight again, and closed his eyes. “But he won’t die.” He opened them again, looking at her hauntingly. “No. Instead, he screams. He screams, and cries. He begs us to put him out of his misery.” Leo’s voice was shaking now. “My brother – my poor brother, Donatello, who I swore on my life to protect - he _begged_ me to end his life today.”

Raphael looked at his brother in shock. This was not a ploy; he could tell that Leonardo meant every word of it. Leo had been acting strange ever since Raph had come home with April. _I just thought … I mean … we’re all upset over Donnie,_ he brooded. No wonder Leo had been so angry with him. _He had to handle that on his own. Him and Mikey both._

It was all too much for Michelangelo. His head fell to his breast and he began to shiver all over. A moan started low in his throat, emanating from the very depths of his soul. He suddenly slumped to the ground cross-legged, letting his nunchaku fall with a clatter. He buried his face in his hands and wept uncontrollably, the sound echoing above the rain, blanketing the small area with the din of his sorrow. 

It would’ve taken the most hardened of hearts not to have broken at the sound. But Karai’s heart was not made of the same stuff as her master’s. Leo’s words had startled her badly enough, but the pure anguish that now poured from the youngest turtle was enough to tell her that he had not been embellishing in the least.

Leo was not unaffected by the sound either. His instincts pulled him towards Mike, wanting nothing more than to comfort his little brother, but he was forced to stand his ground. Barely audible, he said, “You see, Karai. See what you have done to my family.”

Her face, typically a mask of little emotion, showed that sign of self-doubt Leonardo had come to recognize throughout their encounters. “Upon my honor Leonardo, I swear that I know nothing of this.” The words were barely above a whisper. She stared into him, through him.

“Lyin’ bitch!” Raphael squeezed his hold on her, and she grunted in pain. “Tell us what you did to him!”

“Raphael! _Enough.”_

“But Leo-”

“I said that’s enough. She’s telling the truth.” Raphael thought he detected a note of relief in his older brother’s voice, a sound that only added fuel to his welling anger.

Raphael let out a growl. “Bullshit! You don’t know that.” He squeezed again, causing Karai to stifle her cry a second time.

“Raphael! Wait.” Not _stop,_ or _don’t_ \- wait. He chose the word carefully. It was enough to placate his furious brother for a moment. He returned his attention back to her. “It was one of your Foot soldiers. The night we last faced each other.”

“Impossible,” she breathed. “I gave no such …” She trailed off, the realization setting in. She looked down, finishing in a whisper, “... I gave no such order.” Leonardo said nothing, but his look was one of pity. She sounded desperate, trying to convince herself more than any. “It must be a mistake. My master, he would not-” 

“He would. He did. It’s not a poison that kills quickly, Karai. He wanted Donnie to suffer.”

**\----------------------------------**

In the end, it came to another argument between them, as so many things did. Regardless of how this situation played out, Leo knew it would ultimately lead to a blowout with Raphael. That loss of control he’d been dreading had already presented itself once, and though Raph wasn’t currently in a blind rage, he was anything but calm. Leo just hoped that he could keep Raph on a leash until their business with Karai was done.

Satisfied that Karai was indeed ignorant of Donatello’s attack, Leo moved ahead. “Help us.”

“Why should I?” Still she resisted, but her manner was much more subdued now. After Leo’s outburst (and Mike’s total breakdown), he could tell that her exterior was beginning to crack. Mike was still seated on the ground where he’d dropped, quiet now, with his elbows on his knees and his head buried in his arms. Karai looked down at him. The wound on his thigh had burst open again, the bandage there now soaked and seeping blood in a slow trickle. He didn’t seem to notice. There were no jokes today, and if he felt ire at the lady ninja for inflicting it in the first place, he sure wasn’t making it known. 

“To right a wrong,” Leo replied patiently. “To restore some of your clan’s honor.”

“It is hardly honorable for me to go against my master, you understand.” 

Leo could feel that old frustration at her building again. “So you have no mind of your own, then? You follow orders blindly, whether it’s right or wrong?”

“I do not pretend to know the mind of my master,” she said. “It is for me to serve, not question.”

“Oh? And what possible underlying reason do you think there is for bringing this hell down on my brother? If your father seeks to demoralize us,” Leo stated coldly, “I promise you, that doing this only drives us forward even more.”

She looked at him for a long moment. “As I said, I do not know.”

“Out of the four of us, Donatello is the only one that _doesn’t_ use lethal force.” She looked taken aback by that, so he continued. “That’s right. Don takes great pains – often at his own expense – to avoid taking the lives of his own enemies even. I have easily slain hundreds of your clan with my own hands, but did your master come for me? No. No, instead he goes after the least deserving of us.” He clenched his fists tight. “You tell me what you think is honorable about that.” He went deeper. “Tell me what’s honorable about letting him die of a slow sickness, denying him a warrior’s death?” He knew that the last part would ring the truest to her. 

He expected more fight from her, but was surprised at her answer. “There is no honor in this.”

“Then help us,” he pleaded. “Help us save our brother before it’s too late. Karai, please – whatever you want in exchange. Take me captive – take my life, if you must. Whatever I have to give, I will.”

Raphael was livid. “Fuck that! You think Mikey and I are just gonna stand here, let you give yourself over to the Foot?”

“Stay out of this Raph!” Leo barked at him. “I know what I’m doing.”

“The hell you do! Forget this bargaining shit - in case ya hadn’t noticed, we’re the ones callin’ the shots at the moment!” To emphasize his point he twisted her arms again, pushing the bones to their breaking point. She yelled out in pain.

_“Raph!”_

Raphael ignored him. He suddenly threw Karai to the ground and kicked her. “She ain’t gonna help us! But I’ll be damned if I’m gonna let her walk outta here.” He pulled a sai and moved in for the kill.

“Raphael!” Leo’s katana was out in time, bashing into Raph’s weapon and throwing it aside. “Stand down! That’s an order!”

He shoved Leonardo away. “And why should I?” he yelled. “Why do you keep defending her!”

“Enough.” Karai was standing, her sword in hand. There was a tense second when they were sure she was going to attack, but instead she surprised them by returning her blade to its sheath. “I will aid you, on one condition.”

They both looked at her, shocked. Leonardo agreed, “Anything. Name it.”

“You and your family leave the city, never to return. You stay out of the affairs of the Foot _indefinitely.”_

Leo paused, but not for long. He pictured Donatello writhing in agony, wondering if Don would still be alive when they got back. _He could be gone, even now while we stand here arguing._ The thought turned his stomach. 

He spoke softly. “Alright. I accept.” Predictably, a string of curse words began flowing from Raphael. 

“I want your word that _all_ of you will go, no exceptions.” She cast a sideways glance at Raphael.

Raph huffed, posturing. “Make me.”

“Raph.” Leo was firm. “If I agree to this, then we have to back off. You know I can’t go back on my word.” He looked at Karai as he spoke the last part, emphasizing the point more to her.

“Yeah? Maybe you can’t – but I ain’t agreein’ to nothin’!”

“Then I will do nothing for you, and your brother will die,” she stated it very matter-of-factly.

Raph yelled, lunging towards her again, but Leonardo was there again to block his attack. “Raph! That’s _enough,_ dammit!”

“Screw you, Fearless! How do we even know she’s not behind the whole thing? She’s just leadin’ us into another trap, usin’ your bullshit ‘code of honor’ to bait us! I say we off her now, and toss her body back on the Shredder’s doorstep.”

“Calm down, dude.” Mike was there, startling them out of their conversation once again. Mike’s tone gave Leo that same uneasy feeling and he thought, _how does he keep doing that?_

Mike went on, in that same dull, grey tone he’d been locked into since it all began. “The more you flip out, the more time you’re wasting. Leo’s right, dude - we don’t have any choice.”

Still angry but seeing that he was outnumbered, Raph turned his back to them and looked out over the city. “Fine, whatever. Do whatever the fuck ya want.” 

Addressing Leonardo, Karai laid the deal out for them one last time. “I will look to our research laboratories for information. I cannot promise you anything, but I believe I know where to begin looking at least.” She straightened. “Return to this place in two hours, and I will be here.” Leo nodded, a look of hope passing over his features. Karai added, “Despite what some of your family may believe-” she flicked her eyes towards Raphael, “-I do not condone this. And I could not hold you to your end of our bargain unless I provided something useful.” With that, she turned to leave.

“Karai!” Leo shouted after her. She turned back to look at him. “Thank you.” She said nothing in return, but held his look for just a second before disappearing into the darkness.


	10. Chapter 10

“My son.”

Don struggled. He was helpless, choking on his own blood, watching the blade come at him again and again, stabbing and slicing and rending his body to shreds. _Hurts so much … why am I not dead …?_ It was the only thing he was able to think.

“My son!”

_So much blood …_

“Donatello my son …”

_Father?_ It was a beacon, very faint but there. A warm, familiar voice. _Why can’t I die?_

“It is not real, Donatello.”

_It hurts … so much …_

“It is in your mind, my son. You must free yourself.”

And so, it had been like this, over and over again. Donatello awoke in each new nightmare, sure that it was the real thing, only to hear the voice of his father urging him to wake. It was an endless, remorseless hell.

“Donatello.”

“Yes father!” Don ran full tilt to the old rat. He stumbled and fell a little, his stubby legs tripping over themselves. Scrambling back up, he made it to his sensei, having to crane his neck upwards to see eye-to-eye with him.

“Donatello, I have something for you.” He smiled, warm and inviting.

Don looked at his father with the deep, intense love that only a young child can know. So unconditional in its purity, so blessed in its awesomeness it was akin to worship. It was a good life, here with his family, with his brothers and father. He felt safe. He felt loved. And he felt a great love for them all, wanting nothing more than to be here with them, right now.

Master Splinter reached down and slowly brought both hands to the sides of Donatello’s face, caressing it lovingly. He looked so proud. Donatello felt the urge to hug his father tight, to bury his face in the safety of his soft, warm fur. “Father?” Something … something was there; something not right. Suddenly Donatello felt very confused.

Master Splinter’s hands continued down Donatello’s face and clasped around his throat. He put them there gently at first, only adding to Donatello’s confusion more. “Father?” He repeated. 

The hands squeezed tight. Master Splinter said, “Donatello, you are a great disappointment to me.” A darkness filtered over his features, his face twisting into a menacing grin. It was terrifying. He began to lift the small turtle off of the floor by his throat, until they were eye level.

“N-no, father!” It was all he could manage, his voice box crushing under the weight of his master’s hands. _Please!_ He thought, _why are you doing this?_

“As I said,” Splinter growled, showing his fangs, “You … have … disappointed … me.” His master was changing, growing and looking more like some horrifying monstrous version of himself. His voice was guttural and beastlike. “YOU … HAVE … ALLLL … DISAPPOINTED MEEE …” 

Donatello looked over his father’s shoulder and saw. The bodies of his three brothers, all children, all lifeless, lay in a pile there. His ruined mind went over every detail. Leonardo’s body was propped against the wall, as if he were just sitting there, his eyes open and soulless. Michelangelo’s mouth was open in a frozen scream. Raphael was cold and pale, tears still drying on his face.

_No! My brothers!_ He cried out inside. Nothing made sense and he couldn’t think anymore. He squeezed his eyes shut. 

“Donatello!”

He screamed and screamed in his mind. He could feel his throat crushing under the pressure. His lungs contracted helplessly, crying and straining for air. _Why! Why is this happening! How could you do this?_

_“Donatello!”_

The word was so loud in his head, it forced his eyes open.

“Donatello it is not real! I would never do this to you, my son – you know this!” It was his father’s voice, but the monster-father in front of him was not moving its lips.

_What? I don’t understand!_

“Donatello my son, you know that I could never hurt any of you - I love you all!” Something about that voice made sense, somehow. He began to come out of it.

_It’s not real._ He looked at the thing in front of him. _You’re not my father. This isn’t real ..._

_… again. It’s - none of this is real._

Donatello had lost his mind. He was sure of that now. He skipped from one horrible scenario to the next, unable to understand where he was or what was happening. Sometimes there was continuity; sometimes he could at least remember some of the past horrors and was able to assess that he was in some sort of continuous, relentless nightmare. Other times he was an amnesiac; unable to recall the previous dreams, he suffered through the current episode as though it were all he’d ever known.

Right now, he floated in darkness. Right now, he had clarity. In his family he was the logical one, the one always looking for answers. So this unknown, this confused madness that he’d somehow succumbed to – it was perhaps most terrifying to him. He knew something was wrong with him, that something must have happened to him; but he had no idea what. _Whatever it is,_ he thought, _my mind has gone. This is not reality, I know that now._ That last nightmare had reminded him of something important though. It started to come to him slowly, and he thought hard, trying to put the pieces together. The sight of his brothers lying dead flashed before him. _My brothers - my brothers! Master! My family …_ It was making more sense. In the dream, they’d been children. _But … but we’re not. We’re older now … and we live together, in the lair … our home … my lab … oh!_ Images and memory were coming fast and strong, and he suddenly understood.

He remembered himself. _I am Donatello, one of four. My brothers and I live with our father and master. Master Splinter …_ He remembered his father’s voice cutting the dream and realized something else. _He’s … he’s trying to help me._ He was sure that his father’s voice was real, possibly the only real thing in this never-ending world of illusions.

“Father! Where are you?” He cried out to the darkness. “Please … please, help me!”

But there was no answer. Instead, something was breaking into the darkness. Sound and light were creeping, shapes were forming but not substantial enough yet for him to understand what was happening. But the fear hit him instantly and he began to panic. _No! Please, not again! Don’t let me forget – I have to hold on! Father ... help me …_

“My son.” The voice came to him, barely audible, but he was sure of it. 

“Father! I don’t understand what’s happening!”

The voice came again, reverberating and weak, but definitely there. “My son … I can only serve to guide you … you must find the way yourself …”

“I-I don’t understand! Please, where am I? What's happening to me?” But there was no response this time. Instead, he began to feel confused again, the haze taking over his brain as his vision was assaulted by more color. Other senses were joining in. Sounds and smells came, and the clarity he’d so briefly had began to slip. With the function of his senses came something else – the pain. Pain exploded throughout his being, lighting up his entire body and erasing what was left of rational thought. In his madness Donatello was sure he heard the voice once more, before it was lost to the horror again.

_“Donatello … you must fight it … remember your family, and remember that we all love you, my son.”_

**\----------------------------------**

“One of us should stay behind, in case she comes back sooner,” Leo said. “I’ll do it. You two head back to the lair to check on things.”

Raphael spit into the ground at his feet. “Great idea. So when she comes back here with a bigger army of Foot this time, I guess you’re just gonna take ‘em all on solo.”

Leo frowned. “That’s not going to happen. She’s going to help us, she gave her word.”

“How you think we could ever trust one a the Foot, is beyond me. _She’s_ the enemy, Leo – no matter how pretty she is. Her word don’t mean squat!” Raphael snapped, sounding bitter, “An’ she’s got you wrapped right around her little finger.”

“Karai is bound by duty and honor – not something I would expect _you_ to understand.” He shot back. It was a low blow, but Leonardo was fed up with his brother at this point, and it came out before he could stop it.

“Damn! Will you guys knock it off, already!” Michelangelo again cut into the conversation. “It never _ends_ with you two.” Both of his older brothers looked away guiltily, their expressions a mirror image of one another.

“… Sorry, Mikey.” Leo turned to Raphael next, sounding calmer now. “Look Raph, I know you’re angry. I’m not thrilled about this either, I just don’t know what else to do.”

“Yeah. Yeah I know.” Raph looked away, standing silent for a minute before adding, “I dunno, I just don’t have a good feelin’ about all this.”

Leo suddenly snapped to attention. “Raph – that reminds me! How _are_ you feeling?”

“M’fine.”

“You’re sure? Now’s not the time to play macho, Raph – if you’re feeling off at all, you have to tell me.” He paused, lowering his voice. “How long do you suppose it took before we first noticed with Don? I don’t think our first fight lasted much longer than this one, overall. You’d be starting to feel the effects pretty soon, I would think.”

“What are you guys talking about? Why wouldn’t Raph feel okay …?” Mike inquired, panic building in his voice. He zeroed in on the wound on Raphael’s shoulder right then, and lost it. “No, no, no – c’mon you guys, not funny!”

“Easy Mike-”

“No way! This is NOT happening!” He was backing up slowly, like a cornered animal.

Leo stepped towards him. “Mike, take it easy! We don’t know anything for sure, it could be nothing!”

Mike was beginning to hyperventilate. He had both palms pressed to his temples in disbelief. He was staring at Raphael. 

“Mikey!” Raph belted, “Get a grip already!” Raphael looked terribly fatigued to the youngest turtle. Had he been more rational, Michelangelo would’ve remembered that they had now clashed with the Foot twice, with little or no rest between. Add that to the strain of worrying over Donatello and either reason could have been responsible for the haggard look that Raph now sported. If he’d been more rational, Mike would’ve realized that Raphael looked no different than either Leo or himself. But the panic overtook whatever logic might have existed in Mike’s brain to begin with, and he snapped. He didn’t say anything. Michelangelo just turned tail and fled, tearing across the rooftop and over the side, leaping down the fire escape there.

“Mikey - wait!” Raphael started after him.

“Raph, let him go.” Raphael turned back, unsure. Leo said, “He’ll calm down. I can’t just let you run off anyways - somebody’s got to keep an eye on you, after all.”

“I told ya, I’m fine.”

“Just humor me. Besides, it might be good to let him go, let him blow off some steam.”

“Hmph.” Raph wasn’t so sure, but stood his ground.

Leo pulled his phone. “I’m going to call home real quick.” His heart began pounding as he dialed the number, fearful of what she might say. _C’mon,_ he thought, _good news, good news._

Raphael stared off into the night, listening to the one-sided conversation. Don was still with them, that much was apparent right away. He relaxed a little. The call went on just a little too long though, and he wondered what they could be talking about. Halfway through, Leo had turned away from him, and though he couldn’t pick the words out, it sounded as if his older brother was trying to console her.

Leo flipped the phone closed and stood there a moment with his back to Raphael. 

“Everything okay?” Raph said. Leo was acting strange. Raph thought maybe he’d been mistaken, that Don had passed away after all. “Leo!”

Leonardo turned back around. “Yeah. Sorry Raph, he’s okay. Well, not okay … but you know. Alive.”

“What about April, she alright over there?”

Leo shrugged slightly, looking down. “Yeah. She’s just … really upset.”

Raphael nodded. The rain had finally let up some time ago, but the shower had left a sharp chill in the air. It bit at Raph’s skin, but felt good after the intense workout. He breathed in deep. His shoulder was on fire, but otherwise he really did feel fine. He’d been keeping pressure on it using just his hand; he lifted it now and looked at the damage. The bleeding had slowed, but the wound was deeper than he’d originally thought. Nevertheless, he wasn’t in any immediate danger, assuming the cut hadn’t been an entry point for something much worse. _Gonna need stitches,_ he thought, _Don’s gonna bitch me out again–_

He stopped midthought. It had been so natural to assume Donatello would be there, needle and thread in hand, waiting to patch him up. It wasn’t a big deal, anyone else in the family was certainly capable of doing the job, but it was just now starting to hit him what it meant not to have their house doctor on call.

He remembered coming back home with a good gash on the back of his neck one time; Don had been out and so Leo had offered to do the deed instead. In the end, he and Leo had almost killed each other, and Don came home to two furious brothers – one with a half-stitched cut on his neck, the other with a sewing needle buried in his hand.

Not only was he much more skilled with the actual stitching, Donnie always checked on them diligently following an injury, looking for signs of infection and whatnot. He was the only one who knew what to do if it got worse, what medicines to take, and so on. And that was just general wound care. Anything more serious than that and they’d really be at a loss.

Raph sighed, bending down and washing the blood from his hand in a nearby puddle. _Leo was right. We’re not gonna make it without Don around._

Leonardo had been watching his brother closely, but refrained from asking how he felt a third time. _Raph isn’t going to tell me anyways,_ he thought tiredly, _I won’t know until he collapses._ He sat down heavily on a nearby ledge. He stayed planted there, thinking and staring at his hands. “Raph.”

“Yeah?” 

“I don’t know if I want to do this anymore.”

“What’re ya talkin’ about?”

Leo’s voice sounded strange and detached. It gave Raphael the creeps, a little. “Do this.” He said, gesturing outwards with his hands. “All of this. Fight and risk our lives all of the time. Fight this pointless war with the Foot.”

“I had enough drama for one day Leo, really.”

“I’m serious. Maybe we should leave the city after all, like Karai said.”

“You take a blow to the head or somethin’ back there?”

Leo sighed. “I mean it. We could just leave, forget everything. Maybe it’s time to end the feud, just disappear and let Saki go.”

“Now I know you ain’t thinkin’ straight. What the hell, Leo? You’re not serious.” Leo just looked at him, without a word. “Ya honestly think you could just give it all up?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Bullshit. No you couldn’t. I know you, brother’, and you got the same desire to kick ass that we all do. You wouldn’t make it a week in ‘retirement’.” 

“We’d still train.”

“And not put our skills to use? Yeah, right. It ain’t the same, an’ you know it.”

“At least we’d be safe!” he snapped. Lowering his voice, he added, “We’d never have to go through this, again.”

Raphael studied his brother for a moment. “I get it. So you think Karai’s gonna come back here with the cure in her hands, and then you’ll have to keep yer stupid promise to her, that it?” 

“Well maybe … yes! I don’t know. You know what, I just don’t want this job right now. I don’t feel cut out to be making these decisions. Everyone’s coming to me for an answer, and I just don’t have the right one. April was a mess on the phone, Raph. I did my best to calm her down, but it’s like putting on a show all the time. She’s crying, hysterical, and I’m soothing her … but really, I feel like joining into the hysteria.” He sighed. “It just makes me realize what this lifestyle does to us all, and I don’t know if I can keep putting us in danger like this.”

“So you’d take the coward’s way out? Let the Shredder win, just like that?”

He looked back down at his hands, rubbing at a small scab there. “Karai’s giving us an out, maybe we should take it.”

“Oh fine. So while we’re sittin’ back on our asses, the Foot just take the city. ‘Cause you know, Leo, that without us here there’d be nothin’ to hold the Shredder back.” He looked at Leo intensely. “But forget all that. We’re _ninjas,_ Leo – that’s who we are. You don’t just walk away from that.” 

Leonardo sighed again. “I know you’re right, Raph. This just hasn’t been easy.” He mumbled, adding, “You haven’t exactly made it easier.”

“Huh. Dealin' with you ain’t a walk in the park itself.” 

Leo ignored him, slipping back into that far-away, dreamy-sounding tone. “Mike asked me … afterwards, he asked me why.” 

“Why what?” Raphael said sharply, now thoroughly exasperated with this conversation.

Leo swallowed. He looked pale. “When I gave Don that injection, it would’ve been so easy … easy to give him too much. I almost ended it myself, right there.”

There was a tense, quiet moment as that sunk in. Raphael suddenly sputtered, “W-what? What do you mean - you wouldn’t a done that!” Raph looked at his brother in disbelief.

“You didn’t see him Raph. He … pleaded with us. Begged us to do it. Begged _me.”_

“He wasn’t in his right mind, Leo-”

“Yes. Yes he was. That was the worst part. He’s been in and out of it ever since we brought him home. Mostly, he’s been out of it. While you were gone, he just … he just got _so_ much worse. It took both me and Mike to hold him down, he was thrashing around so much. He just kept screaming the whole time … screaming like he was set on fire.” He face twisted up with the memory. “It was bad, Raph – real bad. Even Master Splinter had to leave the room for a while.

“Through all that, he wasn’t really there … the few words we could understand didn’t make any sense. I think he was hallucinating. It went on like that for hours. I thought I was going to lose it. I thought Mike would lose it for sure.

“When he asked for the drugs, I almost fell right out of my chair. It was the first full sentence he’d actually said. I know we agreed not to give him anything too strong, but I-I couldn’t deny him. He just looked so desperate. I didn’t know then what he was asking.

“When I came back with it, I asked him how much to use.” Leo’s face twisted up. “He said, _‘all of it.’”_ He stopped there for a second, trying to collect himself.

“Christ, Leo.” Raphael couldn’t think of anything more to say, and so they remained there in silence for a while.

Eventually, Leonardo spoke up again. “At first, I thought like you said, that he was just out of his mind, that the pain was getting to him. We tried to encourage him to hold on a little longer, tried to tell him that help was coming – even though it wasn’t, really. But, um …” Leo again looked down at his hands, taking a long breath and exhaling slowly. “He told us it didn’t matter anymore. He started talking a bunch of medical gibberish. You know how he does. I didn’t catch everything, but I can understand things like ‘organ failure’ and ‘irreparable damage.’ He was basically saying that it was already too late at that point. That he knew there was no chance of recovery. 

“And so he begged me. He looked right at me Raph. He said, _‘please don’t send me back there.’”_

Raph’s throat felt tight. “What do ya mean? Back where?”

“I don’t know exactly, he didn’t say any more. But after watching him for so many hours, I can only imagine the kind of hell he thinks he’s in.” Leonardo looked straight at his brother. “That’s what I keep seeing in my head. The way he looked at me, right at that moment. And … and I almost did it, Raph. I really almost did it, right then.”

Raphael sighed deep. His eyes burned into Leonardo’s. “But you didn’t do it.”

“I didn’t do it,” Leo said disgustedly, “because Mike stopped me. He literally pushed me away, blocking me from getting to Don. He actually pulled his nunchaku, Raph. _Mikey._ Even as kids, he never threatened me like that, never once. You should’ve seen the way he looked at me. There’s no doubt in my mind - he would’ve beaten me within an inch of my life. As it is, I don’t think he’ll ever trust me again.

“Eventually I managed to talk him down. We decided to give Don a small injection, and it knocked him out for a little bit … but as you know, that didn’t last. That’s why April is freaking out right now - the drugs she’s been giving him since have worn off, and now she’s afraid to give him more. He’s just so weak, it’s not safe.” He hung his head. “It wasn’t really safe in the first place.”

Leo went on. “That’s also why Sensei won’t come out of meditation now, he’s been down ever since that happened. He said that he had to, it was the only way to keep Don hanging on. So then it was just us, me and Mikey, from there on. And after Mike passed out, just me.” He paused there, adding, “It wasn’t hard to slip out unnoticed. I wasn’t gone very long.”

_So that’s when he got the message out to Karai,_ Raph thought. _An’ in all this, what am I doin’? Runnin’ around topside like an asshole._ He didn’t speak his thoughts, but the guilt he felt came through all the same. “Leo. I am really sorry, for takin’ off.”

“Yeah. I know you are. I was pretty mad that you weren’t there, but now I’m actually kind of glad that you weren’t. The memory … it’s going to haunt me for a long time, little brother.”

As hard as this ordeal had been for Raphael himself, it was that much harder seeing it unfold on the faces of his brothers. Listening to Leonardo tell his story was nearly as bad as if he’d been there himself. To say that he was uncomfortable would’ve been an understatement. If he was someone else – hell, one of his other siblings even – he would’ve known how to ease his brother’s mind. He felt like he should do or say something, but it was too awkward for him to slip into this role of comforter. It wasn’t in him to do something as drastic as reach out and embrace Leo full-on. He loved his brother as much as any; even despite all of their clashes and arguments, no one would ever question his loyalty to Leo. But their relationship just wasn’t like that. He – _Raphael_ – wasn’t really like that.

_Ah … fuck it._

Raphael settled down heavily on the ledge next to his brother, letting out a long, deep breath. Staring straight ahead, Raphael reached out one arm and wrapped it around Leonardo’s shoulders, pulling his body in close to his own. It still made him feel weird, sure, and it made his shoulder hurt like hell … but it also seemed like the right thing to do. Neither of them said anything, but he could sense Leo relaxing a bit, and that in turn made him feel a little better himself.


	11. Chapter 11

The minutes were ticking by. Eventually Raphael stood, putting a hand to the wound in his shoulder and wincing. That entire section of his body was throbbing now, down to his fingertips. 

Watching him, Leonardo finally broke the ice. “So … you really think what we’re doing is wrong? Was it stupid to trust Karai?”

“Yep.”

“Hey, thanks.” 

Leo’s sarcasm forced a tiny smile to appear on Raphael’s face. “But I guess it’s all we got. It ain’t like I’m comin’ up with any great ideas or nothin’ myself.”

“You know if she comes though, I do have to keep my promise. What you said was true, I know that. Who knows what the Foot will do to this city in our absence? It’s not right to unleash their kind onto so many innocent citizens, unchecked … and it’s selfish to allow that, even if it does mean life or death for one of our own.” He breathed deep. “I don’t know, maybe this was all a mistake.”

“Anybody else’d do the same, in your place. But your gettin’ way ahead of yourself here, Fearless. Gotta say I’m skeptical that she’ll even come back without an army. An’ even if she don’t, I’m _more_ skeptical that she’s actually gonna bring back anything that’ll help Don.”

“No, you’re wrong. I know that she’ll try. I could tell, Raph – this isn’t her way. She isn’t happy about what happened either. You heard her say it wasn’t under her orders.”

“Females are masters at the art of manipulation, Leo. And female ninjas … I can’t even begin to imagine.”

Leonardo rolled his eyes. “Oh right, I forgot how much experience you’d had with them, _Casanova._ You can’t believe everything you see on TV, Raph. And don’t let April hear you talking like that, you’ll hurt her feelings.”

“Oh I dunno, April has her ways too … you oughta hear some of the stories Casey tells me.” His mouth twisted into a small, devious grin. 

“Casey’s not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer. I don’t know how they do it, sometimes.”

Raph grunted a small laugh. “Yeah, it’s pretty hot and cold, ain’t it? Kinda like our own little soap opera, playin’ out day to day. Now, the spats are kinda funny … but I wish they wouldn’t kiss in front of us all the time. Ugh.”

“Why, you jealous?” Leo teased.

“What, April? C’mon, she’s part of the family now. It’d be like doin’ my sister or somethin’.”

Now Leo was smiling a little. “Who said I was talking about April? You and Casey _do_ spend quite a few nights alone together …”

“I ain’t even gonna dignify that with an answer.”

Leo had to chuckle a little at that. It felt good, in spite of everything. But he was feeling better. The more he talked with Raphael, the more he was beginning to get that spark of hope back, even if Raph didn’t agree. _I’m right,_ he thought, _I know I’m right about Karai – she’s going to help us somehow._

“Hey,” Leo said, “so, how’s your shoulder? And don’t just say ‘fine’ again – tell me the truth.”

“Alright, it frickin’ hurts. That better?”

“You’re … not feeling sick or anything though?” He looked serious.

“Nah, I think I’m in the clear. Not lookin’ forward to seein’ your girlfriend again, though. It’s gonna be a real pain in the ass to fight like this right now.”

“Yeah, well - I know it’s probably pointless to say this, but let’s try negotiating with words first, this time.” He looked at his phone. “It’s been about half an hour. If you’re sure you’re okay, then you really ought to head back to the lair. I’ve got a pretty good feeling that’s where Mike was headed too, so see if you can find him and calm him down.” Leo leaned over, peering at Raph’s shoulder. “And try to get stitched up while you’re there.”

Raphael frowned. “I dunno how I feel about leavin’ you up here all alone.” 

“I don’t feel good about being here. But not because I’m worried about an ambush.” He looked off into the night sky. “As terrible as it is seeing Don the way he is, all I can think about right now is getting back there to him.”

“I know what ya mean.” 

“Besides, if she really comes back with an army as you said, having you here isn’t going to make much difference. Especially with that injury. I know you like to think you’re invincible Raph, but let’s face it, I’ve seen you in better shape.” Leo had noticed that Raphael wasn’t moving the arm on that side very much. 

“I got enough in me for one thing. If she don’t come back like she promised,” he snarled, placing his good hand on the butt of his sai, “I’ll make sure she regrets it.”

“Yeah, yeah. You’re a force to be reckoned with, I remember. Now would you please get out of here? And make sure to let me know if you don’t find Mike.”

**\----------------------------------**

_Donnie … Raph … everyone’s dying … I never thought … never thought this would happen ..._

Michelangelo ran and ran, trying to escape this. He couldn’t think straight. They’d trained their whole lives to be the best, and they were – he’d always been sure of it. In a way, the four of them were invincible in his mind. 

_Master Splinter always said this was serious … always said we had to be careful … I didn’t listen. I never thought it would be like this …_

He was at the lair door before he even realized he’d been running towards home. Don had made their living quarters completely soundproof, but when the door opened, screams erupted through the opening like a slap to Mike’s face. He stumbled in, leaning against the wall as if he were inebriated. He put his back against it and shut his eyes, and that was how he looked when April walked in.

“Mike! I thought I heard the door - hey, are you okay?”

He opened his eyes reluctantly, but when he saw her, he couldn’t say a word. Instead he bolted, heading for his room. 

“Mike?” She heard his door slam.

A minute later, Mike was vaguely aware that she was knocking and saying something through the door, but it seemed so far away to him now. He sat, heels of his hands pressed into his eyes, until he could see white spots. His mind wandered back to memories from long before, blotting out the world around him.

He didn’t know why Donnie had asked him to go along that day. It was usually their leader that accompanied Don on his more intellectual pursuits; Mike and Raph just didn’t have the patience for that sort of thing. Maybe Leo was sick or something, he couldn’t really remember. In any case, he must’ve been bored enough to accept, because he and Don started out together that very evening.

_Oh! That’s right!_ It suddenly came to him. _Zero Comix used to be down there … I must’ve been hoping to snag a few from the bin out back._ They had only been about seven or eight years old at the time, but the memory was still as fresh as anything in Michelangelo’s mind. Don had been going on about some science exhibit for weeks, and they knew he was going to try and sneak out to see it. He actually went topside a lot more than anyone knew, even at that young age. _Because he was always trying to learn stuff, that’s why – he could never get enough. Sensei used to get pretty mad at him about it._ Once Donatello’s genius really began to blossom though, Mike couldn’t remember Don getting in trouble so much. It was possible that Don had just gotten smart enough to know how to get away with it; but the reality was that Master Splinter had most likely decided to turn the occasional blind eye to Don’s little excursions. 

_Yeah, especially after he started "inventing."_ Even as a child, Donatello was building things they didn’t understand. His brother had this uncanny ability to pick up any device, take it apart, and be able to put it all back together in functioning order again. He understood the inner workings of just about anything at a glance. Mike would never forget the look on his master’s face when Don first rigged up their plumbing. After that came other basic necessities, such as gas and electricity, before he was on to much more sophisticated projects. Before long, they had an elaborate system of security set up around the lair; and these days, it was comforts like cable TV, internet, video games – even Raph’s motorcycle was custom built by Don himself. The list of his accomplishments just went on and on. When you really took a step back like this and looked at everything, it was pretty incredible. All of this, and without a proper education of any sort. His brother, self-taught, reverse engineered so much technology for them in their small home that they essentially wanted for nothing. 

_Out of any of us, our life is probably the most unfair to him._ It was easy for Mike to forget that he was so brilliant by normal standards even; Don was just his geeky brother after all. Sometimes he was an annoying know-it-all, other times a total bore. But the truth was, if they hadn’t been mutant turtles exiled to living outside human society, Donatello could’ve aspired to even greater intellectual heights. He might have been one of the world’s leading scientists, if things had been different. Mike wondered if that fact ever got to him, if he was bitter about their life in the sewers. No, he didn’t really have to wonder; he’d seen the look of disappointment on Don’s face too many times in the past, whenever he was denied that knowledge he so thirsted for. The addition of the internet eased that strain somewhat, with Don being able to converse and share theories anonymously, but he suspected that his brother would always long for more.

And so, on a chilly night over a decade ago, the two of them had sneaked out after everyone else was asleep. The museum was closed when they got there, but even as young as they were, it wasn’t difficult to slip past security. Not at first, anyways.

Mike had never had much of an attention span, especially for the sorts of things Donatello was interested in. Donnie had run from exhibit to exhibit excitedly, explaining each in a language Mike could barely understand. It didn’t take long before Mike had begun looking for other ways to amuse himself, and Don was too wrapped up in what he was doing to notice that Mike had wandered off. He remembered thinking that he was ready to just leave Don there, when something caught his attention. It was a huge model of the human eye, with a large, plastic laser pointer mounted on the front of it. To Mike, it looked just like an arcade game. His interest was soon quelled, however, when he realized that there was no power to the machine.

Disappointed but still determined, Michelangelo looked around the back to see if he could locate the on/off switch. Sure enough it was there, but it was secured behind a small metal gate with a padlock on the side, most likely intended to keep the other human children from messing with it. Now, if it had been Donatello (or anyone else for that matter), they may have just looked around for some sort of tool to stick between the bars. Not Mikey. He impulsively jammed his hand right into the opening, straining and squeezing until it hurt from the pressure. To this day, Mike had no idea why he did it; in retrospect it seemed like a completely idiotic thing to do.

And so, Mike had found him self very stuck. _And what’s worse,_ he remembered thinking, _the dumb switch didn’t even work._ That was because the main power to the building had been shut off, Don would explain exasperatingly later. But that wasn’t something Mike would’ve considered, and right then, he was paying for it.

_“Donnie.”_ He whispered, hoping his brother was in earshot somewhere. When Don didn’t respond, he tried again, slightly louder, _“Donnie – help me!”_

But Donatello didn’t come. He struggled, beginning to panic a little. He pulled and pulled, until he felt a _pop_ in his wrist. That was when the real fear started to set in. The pain shot up his arm, and he stopped, unable to pull anymore. A small yelp escaped his lips before he could stifle it. His hand was completely jammed between the metal bars now, the fingers on the other side turning purple.

“Don’t worry Mikey, I’m going to get you out.”

Don had sneaked up on him so quietly that Mike had almost yelled out a second time. He looked at his brother wild-eyed. “I think my wrist’s broke!”

Don didn’t miss a beat. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a tube of Chapstick. He used the entire thing, applying it liberally over Mike’s hand and the surrounding metal. As he was finishing up, they heard the sound of footsteps coming their way.

“Donnie! Hurry!” Thinking back on it now, Mike could still feel the terror he felt then. 

“Here we go, Mikey – I’m sorry, this is going to hurt.” He grabbed Mike’s arm and pulled with everything he had.

Mike hadn’t been able to help himself. He yelled loudly, his cries echoing off the high ceiling. Nevertheless, his hand came free, the force of it causing both of them to fall backwards. The footsteps from before were running now, and they heard a voice exclaim, _“Hey, who’s in there! Stop where you are!”_

They scrambled. Don grabbed a hold of Mike’s good arm and dragged him, the two running as fast as they could. Even after they made it down into the sewer, they ran for nearly a mile before either paused. The memory here was a little sketchy; Mike didn’t remember how they got out of the museum exactly, just that Don had led the way. What stood out was the fear, the one that ate at them the most as children. Being discovered – it was the one and only threat to them, back then. Their master had not kept the truth from them, wanting to ensure that the fear was there, and that they took the matter seriously. They knew the dangers involved. There were more than a few nights, in their younger days, that one or more of them would wake from nightmares in which they were trapped in some dim laboratory, dissection imminent.

In the end, Mike and Don had made it home. As it turned out, Mike’s wrist hadn’t been broken after all, just sprained, but it still wasn’t something they could hide from their sensei. They were both grounded for several months for the little adventure. _Boy, we were really stupid back then,_ Mike thought back, _no wonder Master flipped out so hard about it._ Luckily, they’d had enough sense to conceal their appearances with clothing (Don’s foresight again), or things might have been much worse. The videotape played that night on the evening news showed only the blurry recording of two small, hooded figures. Just a minor b/e, by a couple of kids screwing around in the museum after hours.

When they were older, the incident would get mentioned occasionally and everyone would usually have a laugh about it. Mike laughed along too, but he always felt a little serious about it on the inside. He’d been really scared that night. But something else always stuck with him after that. Until that night, Don’s intellect had always put the two of them at odds a little, and Mike was relentless in his teasing because of it. But after that day, Michelangelo gained a new respect for his geeky brother. It was Donatello’s quick thinking that had freed him, and the ordeal made him suddenly aware of what an asset Don’s brainpower really was. It wasn’t until they were a little older that the others started coming around. _Come to think of it,_ Mike realized, _Donnie used to get a lot of shit from all of us._ Of course, between four brothers, there’d always been a lot of teasing all around. _Still is,_ he thought. But Don had always been a little bit of a foreigner in the group; he just seemed to think on a higher level than the rest of them did.

Mike sat on the edge of his bed, head in hands, letting the memory repeat over and over in his head. There was one thing in particular he kept coming back to; the conversation he and Don had had in the sewer, shortly after their escape. 

_“Can you wiggle your fingers?” Don said, examining Mike’s hand._

_“Yeah, but it hurts ...”_

_“I know, Mikey, we’ll get you some aspirin as soon as we get in.”_

_“Donnie? That was really scary.” Mike began to sniff a little. “Thanks for um, saving me. I thought maybe you were gonna leave me there.”_

_Don looked surprised. “What? Why would you think that?”_

_“I dunno.”_

_“I’ll always look out for you, Mikey. Count on it.” Donatello smiled a proud, big brother grin. Leo and Raph always walked around with that "big brother" chip on their shoulders all of the time, but Don didn’t get to do this too often and he seemed very pleased with the opportunity to do so._

_“Why?”_

_“What do you mean, ‘why’?” Don laughed. “I don’t know … because you’re my little brother. I won’t ever let you come to any real harm, Mikey, you know that, right? You, or Leo, or Raph. You’d do the same for me, right?”_

_“I don’t know, I was pretty scared. I felt like running away.” Mike wiped his nose with the back of his hand._

_“I don’t think you would. If I was trapped there instead, do you really think you’d just leave me?”_

_Mike thought for a second. “Nah, I guess not. But I wouldn’t have known what to do, that’s for sure.”_

_“Well, I guess we’re just lucky that things turned out the way they did. Not that I would’ve exactly gotten my hand stuck in that machine in the first place, mind you …”_

And so, an older-looking version of that terrified kid sat here now, in his room, feeling not so different despite the passing years. He kept seeing Don smile in his mind’s eye, hearing his words play over and over in his head. _I’ll always look out for you Mikey … you’d do the same for me, right?_

_You’d do the same for me …right?_

“Yeah,” Mike said aloud to the empty room. “Yeah, I would, Donnie.”


	12. Chapter 12

_No Mikey …_

“I’m sorry, Donnie … so sorry …” Michelangelo truly looked it. His voice was broken, his body slumped and looking tired to the point of wasted. He began to tear up. “I just don’t want you to suffer anymore.” He brought a large needle into view.

_Please,_ he tried to say, _please – I’m still here! I can still fight!_ But nothing came out. Donatello found that he was unable to make a sound, or even move for that matter. He couldn’t communicate in any way. _My eyes though,_ he thought frantically, _Mike – look into my eyes!_

He didn’t. Instead, Michelangelo just paused there, sitting by the bed and looking at Don sadly. Tears quietly fell down his face as he spoke. “Um ...” He laid a hand on Don’s arm. “We tried to find a cure … April tried, anyways …” He cleared his throat and went on. “And Leo even had us meet up with the Foot. But I dunno. Raph says it’s pointless, the Foot won’t help us … and besides, you told us it’s too late now. I think maybe the other guys can’t really accept it.” He stopped again, trying to collect himself.

_No – Mikey!_ Don pleaded with his brother internally, trying desperately to connect with him somehow. He tried to speak, but his lungs wouldn’t work. His mouth couldn’t move. But he was aware. So very aware. He didn’t understand this paralysis exactly but - _it must be the poison._

The thought came out before he even realized what it meant. _The poison! That’s right, I was poisoned … it’s all coming back now._ The fight with the Foot, the frenzied escape to the lair, the sickness and nightmares that followed - it was all there, suddenly. Overwhelmingly. He reeled for a second, feeling loopy with the rush of memory that followed.

_I remember. Oh, Mikey, I’m sorry! Sorry I asked you guys to free me … it wasn’t right, I was weak ... Master showed me that I must fight. That I have to keep going, no matter how hard it is. Because now I understand - it’s not about me. I have to do this for you, for all of you ..._

Michelangelo was staring intently at the syringe in his hand. “D-donnie …” he said, “I’m sorry, but - but this is what you want, isn’t it? I’m gonna help you. The others … they don’t see everything you’re going through.” He wiped at his face abruptly, clearing away the mess. “But I do. I’m gonna … I’m gonna end it for you.” He was sobbing, his body rocking back and forth with the effort. “I’m sorry,” he repeated it over and over, “I’m sorry … I’m so sorry … please forgive me …”

As he watched the needle puncture his flesh, Donatello silently pleaded in vain. _Mikey, No! Not like this!_ He’d known from the beginning (when he could think rationally, that was) that there wasn’t much to hope for. He had accepted that death was near long ago. _But not like this … I can’t let Mikey do this!_ He fought to see his brother, to make eye-contact. _Mike! Just look at me - please!_ But Michelangelo did not see. And what’s more, Donatello was aware of something else, something permeating this scene. It was like white noise, in the background of the real show, the one playing out with his anguished brother. _Is - is someone yelling? No, screaming._ There were screams coming from somewhere, but it was so far away he wasn’t sure. He looked down then, and saw another strange thing; his body below him, convulsing and jerking around. He thought, _I don’t feel that … what’s going on here …?_

The haze was returning. With it, the panic began to creep back. _No – no not again!_ But this time it was more serious. This time, he knew, would be the last time. He hadn’t felt the needle enter, but he’d seen it, and that was enough. It wouldn’t be long now. _It’s okay,_ he thought to himself, _it’s finally over. No more nightmares, no more pain._ But the relief was small as he drank in the sorrow of his younger brother, again begging for him to look at him, to hear him. _Mikey, please … it’s not your fault …_

His vision was blurring. _This is it,_ he thought. _I’m ready, it’s okay._ But there was something in the doorway, he could just make out the shape. Someone was there – someone big and green with a splash of red. Donatello tried hard to make sense of the shape, but it was fading. 

And he was gone. Donatello slipped into oblivion.

**\----------------------------------**

Leonardo ran as fast as he was able. He could still hear her words in his head, so sweet, so wonderful. _“I have done better than that, Leonardo.”_ He looked at the small, red vial in his hand. _“This contains the antidote.”_

She had come early, she had come alone, and with no army in tow as Raphael had feared. And with an antidote! A cure … he couldn’t believe it. He heard little, as she explained how easy it had been to infiltrate the hidden laboratories deep within the Foot research labs. With her status, few questions were asked on the outside; with her skills, none presented inside. If Leonardo had been paying more attention, he might have noticed the slight satisfaction in her voice as she gave her report.

But Leo did not notice; did not even give her a chance to finish her speech. To her surprise, he’d snapped both hands around hers, clasping the vial and holding them there just a bit too long. He thanked her quickly, his eyes conveying all he really needed to say. He stepped back and gave her a low bow, brief but formal, before disappearing to the darkness.

It had been a small hope in the back of his head but he’d always know what a long shot it was. At most, he’d hoped to learn what Donatello was afflicted with and go from there – but this, this was too much. That Karai would come back with a cure … it really was almost too good to be true.

_“That’s ‘cause it is, Fearless.”_ His elation was broken by the voice of Raphael in his head. He knew very well that Raph wouldn’t share in this happiness. His brother was more wary of this allegiance – and with good reason, he knew – but Leonardo still felt like this was the answer. This was what they’d been searching for, he knew it.

_But do I?_ He looked down again, giving the long cylinder a shake and looking closely at the liquid inside. _What if it’s something worse?_ He thought back over the past twenty-four hours, thinking of how Donatello lied in agony … how he cried and begged for mercy. _What could be worse?_ Possibilities ran through his head. _It could just outright kill him,_ he answered himself. _It could hurt him more, cause him even more pain … and then kill him._ He knew Raphael would be suspicious of the vial’s contents and wondered if he himself should be. 

He tried to clear his thoughts. _No, no this is it – I know it is. I know she wouldn’t do that. Karai swore to us – to me. I know she will keep her promise._ But still he couldn’t completely shake the bad feeling he was having. 

He held his head high, breathing deep the night air. _This is it. This is what it is to be leader. It’s not just about battle strategy, it’s a title that I carry always, though all things in life. Master chose me because I have this ability and excel at it. I have made my decision, and I know it is good._

_… And what if I’m too late?_

His heart, pounding hard with the exertion, skipped a beat. What a cruel joke that would be. To be this close, only to fail. It was certainly possible. They’d all been amazed that Don had even held on this long. Leonardo couldn’t help but think of the worst, it was in his nature after all. He forced himself to prepare for it mentally. _If I’m too late …_ He grimaced. _I–I have to deal with it. I have to be there for the others. Mike and Raph, Master Splinter … they’re going to need me to be strong, and I can’t let them down._ The thought made him feel very tired suddenly, but he forced it away. His legs were rubber now, adrenaline masking the pain at maintaining this pace. But nothing would slow him now. _I’m not going to be too late though,_ he affirmed, _I’m not! I have the cure, right here, in my hand!_ He looked down at the vial again, loosening his grip slightly in the fear that he might shatter it.

He pushed on, faster, his body crying for him to stop, but he was deaf to it. He ran for the lair, ready for the confrontation he knew was coming. _It’s okay,_ he thought, _I can handle Raph, or whatever … just please, please don’t let me be too late. Please Donnie … just hold on a little longer._

**\----------------------------------**

Even before Raphael entered the lair, he knew that something was up.

The very second the door opened, April came running in to greet him. She looked pretty distressed; much more than she had when they’d all left earlier.

_“Ohmygod Raph-”_ she started, “I’m so glad you’re here. Everything’s just gone crazy!” She ran towards him, ignoring the fact that it was Raphael. She nearly tackled him, burying her face in his chest.

“April, hey – hey! It’s alright! It’s alright.” Raphael stiffened at first, arms frozen outwards and looking extremely uncomfortable at her touch. But before he could control them, his arms were wrapping around her, returning her embrace.

It was almost painful, how warm she felt. How good it felt to hold her. And because it felt so good, he was instantly, and incredibly, filled with guilt. He’d never hugged her like this before, and just being this close to a female, smelling her scent … it was a rare, wonderful thing, despite its inappropriateness. He broke away from her a little harder than he meant to. 

“Uh ...” He faltered, catching himself. “… what’s up? What’s the matter?”

April was in tears. “Ohhh … I-I…” She tried to get the words out, but they just degenerated into sobs. 

She didn’t have to say. Raphael had been able to hear Don’s agonizing howls the second he’d entered the lair. Again, for the second time that evening, Raph found himself put on the spot, unsure of what was expected of him here. “Uh, Ape ... why don’tcha sit down.” He wrestled with the words, feeling like he needed to help calm her down, but was uneducated on the proper procedure to do so.

He led her over to the couch. She was still crying uncontrollably. The sound made him more than uneasy, and he felt consumed by the need to make it stop somehow. _What can I do? What’s the right thing to say?_ He felt flustered. _There’s gotta be somethin’ instinctual about it,_ he thought, offhandedly. _Whenever a woman cries, I swear it does somethin’ to us guys on some primal level._

Raphael tentatively reached out a hand and gripped her shoulder. “C’mon, it’s … uh, gonna be alright. Just, y’know … tell me what’s wrong ...?” _Oh yeah, that came out perfect,_ he thought, _I got a real knack with the ladies. Casanova, indeed._

If he was struggling, she didn’t seem to notice. “I-it’s just been … Donnie, he’s just hurting so much …” She lost it again, managing, “I’m sorry …”

“Don’t be sorry. It’s okay.”

She sniffed, wiping her eyes. “No, I am sorry. I need to be stronger than this, for you guys.” She buried her face in her hands. “I just haven’t found anything … I keep looking for something that will help, but …” She broke into fresh tears again. 

“April …” He looked hard into her eyes. “We’re just glad you’re here. Nothin’ else.”

They sat there for a few minutes, until April finally began to relax. “Um, listen. Have you seen Mikey at all? We kinda … lost track of him.”

She looked up, her eyes huge. Blowing her nose lightly into a tissue, she said, “Yeah, he showed up a while ago. But I don’t know, he was acting strange. He wouldn’t talk to me.” A sudden revelation hit her. “Raph, where’s Leo? Why isn’t he with you?”

“Leo’s fine. He’s just ah ... he’s just waitin’ on some information. It’s kind of a long story.” 

“He’s okay though?” The worry in her voice would’ve been heartwarming, if it wasn’t tinged with so much terror.

“He’s fine April, really. I’m actually supposed to get Mikey so we can go meet up with him.” He stopped there, adding, “He … might be on to somethin'. I dunno yet. As soon as we get any info, we’ll let ya know right away.”

She nodded sullenly. “Well, just whatever you guys do - please be careful.” Her face twisted up again and it looked like she was going to lose it a second time. Instead, she took a deep breath and turned away from him, saying, “Mike ran into his room, if you want to go talk to him.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I need to.” That’s what he said, but he couldn’t move. He didn’t feel like it was right to leave her. “Uh, you gonna be okay?”

She turned back to look at him. Teary but smiling slightly, she said, “Yeah. Thanks, Raph. You really – _ohmygod you’re bleeding!”_ She grabbed his shoulder suddenly, zeroing in on his wound. She must have grabbed a little too hard though, because he gave a pained grunt as she did so. “Sorry! Oh, that looks bad, you need stitches!”

“Yeah, prob’ly.”

“Hang on, I’ll get you patched up. Let me just go get some stuff from Don’s cabinets …” 

“S’alright, Ape, don’t fuss. I’m fine.”

Her hands went right to her hips. “Raphael, it’s still bleeding! I’m going to get the sewing kit – you stay put!”

“Eh.” Raph felt trapped. “Look, I’ll make a deal with ya – lemme go talk to Mikey first. When I come back, you can play sadist. I ain’t gonna bleed to death before then.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Well, alright. But don’t you dare leave here again without letting me take care of it!”

“Alright, mom.” 

“Smartass,” she mumbled, leaving the room.

**\----------------------------------**

Raphael felt the need to look in on Donatello first, but Mike’s room was on the way so he took a quick look inside. The room was empty. He didn’t know why, but looking it over gave him a bad feeling. He walked at a slow pace through the lair, feeling like he was in a dream, the sound of his brother’s death throes becoming louder as he went. Again he had that surreal feeling that none of this was really real. After what felt like a long time, he made it to Don’s room.

Mike sat in a chair, staring at Donatello. He had something in his hands, but Raph couldn’t see what. He didn’t look up when Raphael came in.

“Hey.”

Mike turned slowly, acknowledging him. His voice sounded foggy, like he was far away. “Raph …?”

“Yep.”

“You’re not dead.”

“Nope.”

“Okay, then.” He went back to staring at Donatello.

_Jesus Christ,_ he thought, _first Leo, then April … now Mikey. Why do I gotta be the one holdin’ this shit together?_ He thought he would feel some sort of relief at seeing Mike, but that bad feeling he’d had only increased as he laid eyes on his little brother. And he was sure that Mike would snap out of it once he was standing in front of him healthy and free of poison … but no, Mike was in la-la land. _Fuckin’ perfect._

Again, he didn’t know what to say. He sighed, sitting down on the edge of the bed and laid a hand down on the ridge of Don’s shell. There was a basin with water and a towel on the table nearby. He leaned over, wringing out the cloth and using it to pat Don’s face and forehead. Donatello was breathing heavily between moans. When the cool cloth touched his face, his eyes fluttered opened a little.

“Hey Donnie,” he said quietly, “s’me, Raph.”

_“… mmmnnn … rr … Raph …”_

“Yeah, I’m here.” He laid down the cloth, putting one hand on the side of Don’s face and attempting to make eye contact with him. “Mikey’s here too, and Master Splinter.”

_“… Mmmikey …”_ Raphael looked over at Mike, but Mike’s expression didn’t change.

“Yep. He’s right over there.”

_“… m-master … s’been calling me …”_

_I’ll bet he has,_ thought Raph. _That’s good that he’s gettin’ through some._ He looked over at his father, who remained in the same position as when they’d left. He barely looked like he was breathing. If they hadn’t known better, they might have believed he was actually a statue.

_“… Leo …”_

“Leo’s out right now.” Raph paused, choosing the words carefully. “He’s, uh - he’s gettin’ help. Just hang in there, Donnie, we’re gonna get ya outta this.”

Don’s whole body shuddered. _“… tooo laate …”_

“Don’t say that.” Raph swallowed. “You’re doin’ great, just hold on.”

_“… love you guys … sorry … sorry it happened … like this ...”_

Raph’s heart was breaking. _Goddammit._ “Don’t be sorry, none of this is your fault.”

_“… mmm … Mikey … s’okay … tell ‘em it’s okay …”_

Raphael looked slightly confused. “He’s okay, Donnie. Don’t worry about us. Just - just save yer strength, okay?” He sighed, again hoping that he was saying the right thing.

_“… Mikey … s’okay … I forgive you …”_ With that, Donatello actually smiled. He looked calm, for the first time since this horrifying ordeal had begun. He was so calm, in fact, that it scared Raph half to death. Donatello closed his eyes slowly, the smile still frozen on his lips.

“Don? Donnie!” Raph took hold of his brother, shaking him. But Donatello did not answer, nor did he open his eyes. The bad feeling that had been slowly bubbling inside of Raphael suddenly intensified to the point of sheer panic. He looked over at Mike and saw what was in his hands at last. 

“What did you do.” It was more of a statement than a question, really. Mike just looked up at him, eyes wide and guilty, and Raphael snapped. _“What the hell did you do!”_ He bolted upright, grabbing Michelangelo and lifting him up, throwing him backwards against the wall. The chair Mike had been sitting in fell to the side with a loud _crash._ With his hands gripping Mike’s arms, Raph pinned him to the wall, searching his younger brother’s face for an answer.

“I-I didn’t-” Mike stammered, new tears beginning to fall. “I didn’t do it, Raph.” He raised his hand, slowly opening it. The syringe was there, still full, still untapped. Raph looked at it for a few seconds, trying to make sense of what he was seeing. Michelangelo broke down all at once, dropping his head and letting the full sobs come.

With Michelangelo still pinned, Raph turned back, looking at Donatello. Don’s eyes were closed, but he wasn’t moving. No, that wasn’t right – there was a slight motion in his chest. He was still breathing. “Aw hell, Mikey. I’m sorry.” He loosened his grip. “I just saw the drugs an’ I thought-”

“No, it’s okay. I-I was gonna do it. I was gonna do it, Raph!” Mike slumped to the ground. “I think I would’ve … if you hadn’t shown up.” He threw the syringe to the floor and crossed his arms over his chest, again rocking back and forth with the force of his sobs.

Raphael squatted down until he was eye-level with his brother. “No you wouldn’t.” It came out in a growl, but Raph didn’t look angry, just very concerned. “Now enough of this kinda talk. I just had it out with Leo, for chrissakes.”

Mike gasped air. “So Leo told you? About what happened earlier?”

“Yeah, he told me. Look, kiddo – I’m sorry I wasn’t around to help. It was a dumb thing to do, to run off like that and leave you guys here. I, uh … I know this whole thing’s been real hard on ya. It ain’t been easy for the rest of us either. But like ya said before, you're the one that’s been in here the most, an’ that would wear anybody down.”

“B-but Raph, I was gonna … I almost …” He couldn’t finish. Instead, Mike just stared at the object on the floor, shaking all over.

“Yeah, I know. An’ I wish I could say I wasn’t pissed about it either.” He sighed. “But it ain’t like I don’t understand.” Again, Raphael found himself raising a very stiff arm and trying to initiate some sort of physical contact, entering again into this foreign persona of comforter. He wrapped it around Mike’s neck and pulled his brother in. The embrace was hard and chilly by normal standards, and Raphael again felt that awkwardness of not knowing whether he was doing the right thing or not. He needn’t have worried. By normal standards, yes – a hug from Raphael was like hugging a cold brick wall. But because it _was_ Raph, their resident badass, any contact from him at all was so extraordinarily rare that it held so much more meaning. It was more than enough to console his younger brother. To Mike, it felt as warm as anything, and the relief that washed over him was great. 

As Mike’s sobs lessened, Raph let him go, keeping his good hand planted firmly on Mike’s shoulder. Craning his neck down to meet Mike’s eyes, Raph said, “S’alright though, Mikey – nothin’ happened. Ya don’t gotta feel so bad. I know ya just don’t wanna see Donnie in pain anymore. Besides, Leo told me it was you that stopped him from doin’ the same thing.”

“Yeah.” He sniffed, wiping his nose. “But I dunno. What’s the right thing to do? There isn’t any real hope for him, is there Raph? I mean, Karai’s not really gonna help us, is she?”

_Not a chance,_ he thought. But instead, he said, “I dunno. But Leo knows what he’s doin’. He’s … pretty smart, when the shit really goes down, y’know? Guess that’s why he’s our leader, after all.”

Mike looked at him dumbfounded. “I can’t believe _you_ just said that.”

Raph grunted a small laugh. “Yeah, well – don’t go tellin’ him, his ego’s big enough as it is.” It was true that Raphael had managed to complete the entire compliment without even a hint of sarcasm. _Well … guess I do kinda believe it. I don’t think I’d really be doin’ better in his place, anyways._

“So where is Leo? Did you just leave him up there to wait alone?”

“Uh, yeah. I didn’t wanna, but y’know - _Leo’s orders.”_ Raph’s sarcasm returned with that statement. “He wouldn’t take no for an answer. Speakin’ of which, we really oughta get back to him. He’s so sure his girlfriend’s gonna save the day, but who knows. Could be a shitstorm of Foot on their way to him as we speak.”

“Oh jeez.” Mike looked really conflicted. “But what about Donnie, Raph? Can we just … leave him, right now? I-I mean, look at him …” Mike was right. Donatello was incredibly still, the only movement the small, shallow breaths his body labored to take. How they’d wished for his pain to ease up, for his tormented screams to cease – but now that they had, the silence was so much more unnerving. As Raphael looked over the bedridden figure of his brother, he couldn’t help but think that the body lying there already looked like a corpse. _This is the end, no doubt about it,_ Raph thought dejectedly, _it can’t be long now._

Raphael didn’t answer his brother. Instead, he made his way to Don’s bedside and sat on the edge, unsure of what to do. Without looking at Mike, he said, “It don’t matter. Sittin’ here ain’t doin’ nothin’ for Donnie. We gotta look to … what we got left.” He rose slowly and started for the door. “Let’s get goin’, before things get worse.”

**\----------------------------------**

“He’s not responding to any external stimuli ...” April said, “I can’t be sure yet, but it looks like he might be slipping into a coma.”

In the end, they’d decided to have April examine Don before heading back to the meeting place. It seemed like the right thing to do, somehow. The possibility that Don might die here alone, without them – it was almost too much to bear. Raph had suggested that maybe even Mike stay behind, but ultimately his little brother refused. With Raph injured, he was already at a disadvantage. Taking Mike out of the picture was just reckless. And though Mike was still limping a bit from his own injury, two injured turtles were still better than one. 

“So uh, what’s that mean exactly? Is he … is he, uh …” Raphael wrestled with the words, but April thankfully answered before he could finish.

She stroked Donatello’s face. “Well, it’s hard to say. But he doesn’t appear to be in any real distress, so that’s good. We’re going to have to keep a close eye on him, to make sure his breathing doesn’t become too irregular. I’ll have to pick through Don’s stack of medical junk – there might actually be a respirator buried in there somewhere.” She sighed, reaching down and retrieving a small case from the floor. “I’ll be here, while you guys are out, so not to worry. But before you go-” she said, opening the case “-I’m going to take care of _that.”_ She nodded at Raphael’s shoulder, which was looking quite swollen at this point. 

“Ape, we really gotta go-”

“Raphael.” She looked at him squarely, her voice stern. “Don’t be an idiot. You should’ve bled to death already. Sit down.” She nodded at the chair across the room.

“Eh.” He started to protest, but moved towards the chair anyways. She followed and began dressing his wound amidst his grumblings. She tried to be as careful as possible, but as the needle pierced through his raw, angry flesh, she shuddered to think how unpleasant it must feel. For the most part, he hardly flinched, but eventually he broke his silence.

“Jeez, Ape! What’re ya doin’ t’me?” He complained, “Gettin’ the damn blade in me didn’t hurt this much.”

“Oh quit crying, already.” As she pulled tight on the thread, he grunted again. “I thought you were supposed to be Mr. Tough Guy.”

“Hmph. Everybody cracks under torture, eventually.”

She giggled slightly. _“Torture._ You big baby.” She finished tying the knot. “There. Nice and neat. Just let me get a bandage on now …” She wiped the excess blood away and began affixing white tape over the stitches. 

“Ape, we gotta go.”

“Just another minute, I’m almost done.” But as she was finishing, a voice shouted abruptly in the small room, startling them both.

_“Donnie?”_


	13. Chapter 13

“Donnie!” Leo cried out a second time. Leonardo was there, suddenly. This may not have applied to April so much (though she _was_ currently in basic training), but for the two conscious ninjas in the room, being surprised by any presence, even that of another skilled ninja, was an unlikely enough thing that it surprised the hell out of both of them. Neither had heard Leo enter the lair, and his shout had nearly given both of them a heart attack.

“L-Leo!” Mike stammered.

Leonardo didn’t seem to notice them. “Donnie, is he …?” He lunged towards Don’s bedside, falling to his knees. 

Raphael found his voice. Standing, he took a step forward. “S’okay Leo, calm down. Don’s alright. He just … went quiet a little while ago. Been like that since.”

Leo placed a hand on Don’s chest, feeling the slight rise and fall as his lungs took air. He let out a long breath, hanging his head in relief. “Okay. Okay …”

“What’re ya doin’ here? Karai didn’t show, did she?” There was no satisfaction in Raphael’s voice though, only disappointment. “Told ya we couldn’t trust her.”

“No, brother. I was right to trust her.” He held the small tube high, triumphantly. “We owe Karai a huge debt.”

**\----------------------------------**

The debate didn’t last long and Leo was thankful for it. He had expected Raphael to put up much more of a fight, but in the end, it wasn’t hard to convince his more temperamental brother that this was the right course of action. Raph again started in with the same speech from before, warning that it could be a trick, that Karai surely meant to double-cross them; but there was much less fire in his words this time around. Though he protested, he did so in a fairly calm fashion (‘calm’ meaning that there was only a little bit of shouting, and a chair or two thrown over, but no _real_ violence) and eventually he gave in to Leo’s insistence that they follow through with it.

Karai had given Leo quick instructions, which he recited word-for-word to April now. She injected the red liquid slowly, evenly, careful to use the entire amount. “One vial should be enough to halt the poison’s progression,” Leo said, “but she couldn’t tell me much more than that. She did say that what he was hit with was very powerful. And that it wasn’t natural, that it was manufactured there.”

April nodded. “Well. If this stuff stops the poison, that’s all we need. It’s a good chance, Leo – I’ve got a good feeling about it.” She looked up at him and smiled. “I’ll keep a close watch on his stats; I should be able to tell if it’s having any effect fairly soon. I would think within a few hours, at least. Um …” She hesitated, unsure of how to continue. “That said … he could be out for a while. So I don’t want you guys to lose hope. He may not wake up right away, even if his body is recovering from the poison. From what I’ve gathered, most comas don’t last more than a couple of weeks though, so we’ll just have to wait and see.”

April had been right. As dawn broke on that first night after administering the contents of the vial, Don’s condition improved slightly. It was a huge relief to all, but the question of when Don would wake (or if he would at all) still hung over them.

“April?” 

“Mikey, hey. What’s up?”

He looked at his feet. “What’s it like when someone’s in a coma? Is it like sleeping?”

Mike sounded so timid, it softened her heart just to hear him speak. _It’s no wonder why they call him the "kid brother,"_ she thought. She smiled wide at him, trying to put him at ease. “Well, yeah, it is, kind of. Most people who’ve woken from one say that it’s like sleeping very deeply, that they dream and everything. Some say the dreams are very vivid and real.”

“Oh.” 

She rubbed his shoulder reassuringly. “I wouldn’t worry too much. Don’s been sleeping peacefully. I’m sure he’s having nothing but good dreams. I think we’d know if he wasn’t.”

**\----------------------------------**

Donatello watched as a large, sinewy muscle disappeared into the beast’s jaws. His muscle. He was flat on the ground, again unable to move or stop the events playing out in front of him from happening. Blood sprayed wide, hitting him across the face as the monster pinned him down, feasting on his body as any carnivore would tear apart its prey. He looked on helplessly as his body parts were torn and devoured, piece by piece, the feeling of each tooth sinking deep into his wasted flesh and driving him right to the brink of madness.

 _I should be dead,_ his logical brain pleaded, _this makes no sense … why can’t I die?_

Salvation came, but not in the form of death. A familiar piece of wood suddenly connected with the side of the beast’s head, temporarily knocking him away from his meal. Donatello just had time to think, _I know that walking stick,_ when his sensei came into view. The old rat fought vehemently, pushing the animal back from his child with the skill of a ninja master and the fury of a protective parent.

Delirious, Donatello watched as the beast was eventually vanquished. His father came to him then, kneeling beside Donatello’s torn body. His limbs were useless, more than one of them utterly devoid of substance, only held to his frame by raw tendon and bone. His intestines lie in a pool off to one side, steam rising from them and cutting the chill air. And the blood - so much blood. The metallic, iron smell of it made him want to vomit. _I don’t understand … I shouldn’t be alive … I–I must be in shock …_

“Donatello, my son - you must wake!” the old rat pleaded with him.

_Wake?_ “Sensei … it’s too late for me … I’m sorry …”

“No my son! This is all in your mind!” His father reached out and touched his face. “Donatello, my son … please wake up, I beg you.”

It was that touch – it did something to him. It was electrifying, shocking his body and mind into sudden awareness. Before he knew what was happening, the scene began to fade to white. A blinding, white light obscured everything, intensifying and washing the vision away until there was nothing. Nothing but white.

Donatello opened his eyes.

The first thing he saw was the ceiling. He struggled to focus on it, letting his eyes wander over each crack in the concrete. He saw the pipes that ran along the length of the room. More details came, the stains and water spots coming into view now, the cobwebs in the corners taking shape. Slowly, he turned his head and took in more of the room.

“Raph,” he croaked out.

Raphael actually slipped out of his chair. Scrambling, he crawled up to Don’s bedside, a look of complete amazement on his face. “D-Donnie?”

Don was a little confused at first, but it didn’t last long. To be sure, most anyone else that had just awoken from such an ordeal would probably have taken much more time to recover. But again, Donatello’s brain was a lot more adept than most. Within hours even, he was aware of what had happened. He remembered almost everything, with a few blank spots – but the others were there, to help fill in the missing places.

There was a lot of emotion. But the tears now were tears of joy and relief, and Donatello felt overwhelmed with the amount of attention that followed. Though he couldn’t recall much after the nightmares had begun, he could tell by his family’s reactions that things had gotten pretty bad. He felt it somewhere deep down; he understood on some level that he’d been very close to death and was extremely lucky to be alive.

As the days passed, Donatello became stronger, both in body and spirit. A mere week after his recovery, he insisted on leaving bed to begin daily exercises. There was much protesting from his brothers (Leo especially), but eventually he was able to convince them all that he felt well enough to start easing back into normal life. 

He didn’t remember the nightmares. He remembered that there _were_ nightmares, he just couldn’t recall the exact nature of them. It was a dark place in the back of his head always during this period, like a door that was left open just a crack; but he was too disturbed by it to peek inside. Unwilling to look, but unable to lock it shut, he instead decided to pour his focus into his training. His body had weakened considerably, even in that short time he’d spent fighting off the toxin in his veins. The poison had taken quite a toll on him overall, but thankfully there didn’t seem to be any permanent damage. He considered himself very lucky for that, if nothing else.

More time went on. Donatello felt better each day, as the broken memories of that time spent in nightmares began to fade. His master was very concerned for his state of mind, spending quite a bit of time talking with Donatello in length over it. In the end, Master Splinter had concluded that Donatello was healing just as well on the inside as he was on the outside. His pride (and relief) at that fact were not lost on his smartest son, who in turn felt happy that his hard work pleased his father so.

It was a good feeling; a time of recovery and redemption. Gaining back what he’d lost. His brothers were so attentive to his every need that it was a little awkward at times, and definitely embarrassing other times – nevertheless, it felt great in the end. Being here with his family – it wasn’t something he would ever take for granted again. 

_It’s true – I love you guys._ The emotion was overwhelming, and his eyes became glassy just at the thought. 

“Don? You okay?”

“Heh. Yeah, Leo. I was … just thinking.”

They sat there on the ledge of the roof, legs dangling over the concrete edge. It was something they always did a lot in the old days, when they were first beginning to come topside. Even now there was something a little thrilling about it, to look down and see the alleyway between his feet, a dozen stories away.

Don spoke up again. “I was just thinking about everything that happened. I’m … just so grateful to you all. I know you guys went through a lot for me, and well - I guess I just want to say thanks.” He looked a little embarrassed. “Heh. I thought it was over, you know? I was sure I was going to die, Leo.” The tears spilled over, but he smiled, looking even more embarrassed for letting them go. “But you guys saved me. It … feels really good to be here, right now.”

“Aw, Donnie.” Leonardo laughed a little, throwing an arm around his brother and giving him a hearty squeeze. A little more serious, he said, “You don’t have to thank us. You know we’d do anything for you.”

There was a voice behind them. “No doubt, dude!” Michelangelo flipped over, propping himself up into a one-handed handstand. Snapping back onto his feet, he dodged just in time as Raphael entered the conversation.

The turtle in red laughed gruffly. “S’good one, Mikey, I almost had ya that time.” Raph tucked his sai back into his belt and leaned back, arms crossed and smiling. Addressing the other two, he said, “So uh, what’s all this then? You guys havin’ a little moment here?” 

They laughed. “Yeah, something like that. You want to fight about it?” Leo looked up at him cheekily.

“Oh, far be it from me to interrupt. But when you two ‘hardened warriors’ feel like maybe, doin’ some sparring … well, us real ninjas will be over there kickin’ some ass.” His grin widened. “You ladies need a hanky, before we go?”

Mike was cracking up, holding his sides. “Raph, you are _such_ an asshole.” 

The two seated brothers joined in the laughter, in spite of themselves. Leo said, “Go on – we’ll be there in a second.”

Donatello smiled wide, squeezing his eyes tight. _So good,_ he thought, _it just feels so good. To think that I might have missed out on this, that I almost wasn’t here …_ He reveled in it, feeling lightheaded with elation. _I’m finally home. I’m just so happy to be home._

Don turned, looking across the rooftop and taking in the sight of the two rambunctious brothers trading blows in the distance. Slowly, his smile began to fade. Dark clouds suddenly billowed in from above, reaching towards them with unnatural speed. The darkness spread. It spilled from the clouds, falling downwards and reaching across the rooftop, over his brothers, permeating every aspect of the world before him. It was like black water, splashing and filling the scene, before it changed to something else – something almost sentient in its movements. It was a shadow on the objects it touched, but so definite in itself that there was no question that it was there. 

He watched, stunned, as this shadow pulled back and gathered itself, sending out tentacles of black in different directions. To his horror, it swirled its appendages around in a spiral, centering the whole of them onto Raphael and Michelangelo. Don blinked, and a sudden flash of white light blasted his eyes. The flash lasted only a second, but the image that accompanied it burned a hole in his mind’s eye. 

“Don?”

Donatello was suddenly aware that Leo had been speaking. The vision faded, and everything returned to normal. “Ah - y-yeah Leo?”

Leo looked at him sideways. “I said, are you ready to go join them?”

Donatello swallowed. _Strange,_ he thought, _but probably nothing to be too concerned about._ He knew that the toxin that had assaulted his body had powerful hallucinogenic qualities and he was sure that it was just an aftershock of that effect. _What the bohemians call a ‘flashback,’ I believe._ He’d had a few here and there since it had happened, but the illusions were usually a lot less intense. Also, they never lasted more than a second or two. Don guessed that they’d go away entirely given enough time and didn’t think it important enough to mention to any of the others. _But why would I see … that?_ He shuddered. The flash of white, though it had been quick, had brought with it some very gruesome images. _Ah,_ he thought, _probably best not to read into it too much. Just more runoff from the nightmares; common fears, manifesting themselves in my weakened psyche._ He shook it off. “Uh, yeah, Leo. Sorry - just thinking, again.” He smiled a little nervously and stood up. “Let’s go.”

**\----------------------------------**

When the Foot arrived, Don felt almost happy to see them. They hadn’t been topside much since his recovery, and a good part of him was ready to get back into the real action.

Raphael, still feeling pumped up from the workout, was grinning at the sight himself. “Alright. Some real competition, _finally.”_ The statement was directed at his sparring partner, who sneered back at him.

“Whatever. You’re just tired of getting your butt kicked. Don’t worry Raph, I’ll take it easy on ya next time – it’s gotta be tough going up against a _champ_ like me.” Michelangelo twirled one nunchaku, egging his quick-tempered brother along.

Raph shot him a sour look and opened his mouth to retort, but was cut off. “Guys, enough.” Leo stepped forward. “Damn. I wasn’t expecting this tonight.” The Foot held their ground, standing still on a higher rooftop just above their location. Dozens were waiting there already, and Leo could see more filing into formation in the distance. _What are they waiting for,_ he wondered, then realized. _They’re waiting for orders._ Not wanting to waste the opportunity, he gave his own.

“Mike, Raph – stay to my six and two, and let them come to us. Donatello-” He stared straight at him, “I want you to fall back.”

“What? But Leo-” Don began to protest.

“Don it’s too soon. You’re not ready, and there’s too many of them.” So many, in fact, that their leader was becoming increasingly worried as he watched their numbers grow.

“Forget it, Leo, I’m not leaving you guys-” But before he could argue the point further, Donatello was interrupted; not by words this time, but by action. The Foot soldiers were moving, creating a gap between them. Karai stepped into view and waited there, centering her gaze on Leonardo.

Raphael growled low, gripping both sai. “What’s she doin’ here?”

“You know why she’s here.” Leo didn’t look at him, just stared up at her. “I told you, Raph - you knew she wasn’t going to just forget about us.”

“Well, t'hell with her. I don’t care what she did for us, we ain’t leavin’ the city, and we ain’t givin’ up the fight! You agreed that we couldn’t let the Shredder take control, no matter what – don’t go back on that now!”

“It’s still not right. I gave her my word.” 

Raphael didn’t say anything back, for once. He just looked at Leonardo. Leo stood there staring at Karai with one katana in his hand, the tip of it resting just above the ground. _She’s waiting for a response,_ he thought. _What’s it going to be? Do we fight, or back down?_

With a sigh, Leo gave a troubled look to Raphael, but drew his other sword at the same time. “Okay, Raph. Let’s do it.” He cocked his head. “Mikey? 

“Yep.” Mike was on his toes, nunchaku already in motion.

Don …?”

“Don’t worry about me Leo, I’m ready. You guys are going to need my help, and you know it.” 

Don sounded confident, and it made his older brother feel a bit more relieved. _He’s right,_ Leo thought, _we’re getting in pretty deep here – we might not be able to do it with just the three of us._ “Alright, fine. Mike you move to my ten, Don you stay on our backside. Let the three of us take the front line, is that understood?” He looked up apprehensively, then back to Don. “Don’t worry, I have a feeling you’ll be getting plenty of leftovers.”

Donatello nodded. He wasn’t really worried about his physical condition. He’d been pretty weak at first, but he’d focused quite a bit of effort into training over the last few weeks–

_Wait. Weeks?_ He stopped for a second, feeling confused. _Has it been that long?_ Strangely enough, he couldn’t really remember how much time had passed since the night he’d been poisoned. Had it been a week or two? A month? Longer? Thinking about it gave him a weird feeling. And he was getting that lightheaded sensation again. _Oh jeez,_ he thought, _I’m not going to start seeing things again, am I?_

Don squeezed his eyes shut for a second, trying to get control. When he opened them again, he saw his oldest brother raise both swords in a threatening gesture. Karai didn’t hesitate at its meaning. She immediately gave a command and the Foot started dropping to their position in droves.

_Alright,_ he told himself, _keep it together._ He took a deep breath. _Your brothers are counting on you._ As he watched, his three brothers moved into their positions, spot on with Leo’s instructions. Don fell back a few steps, as he was told. The world around him looked a bit unsteady for a second, but it soon passed. Thankfully, no hallucination came on and he began to feel good again, ready for the impending brawl.

Leo gave his last minute orders. “Everyone stay focused, stay on each other, and listen for me! Keep in tight, I don’t want any of you straying out of formation - that means _you,_ Raphael.” 

“I’ll try my best, Fearless," he said, but his tone was mischievous.

Leo looked at him, annoyed. “I’m serious.”

“Huh. When aren’t ya.” Raph grunted, still smiling. “Heads up - here we go!”

**\----------------------------------**

“Hey Raph!” Mike threw a howling ninja over his shoulder. “Wanna play a game?”

“Whatcha got in mind?” Raphael ducked, a sword slicing the air where his body had just been. 

“Uhhh … how ‘bout numbers? Loser gets the winner’s chores for a week?”

“Nah, you always cheat – _oof!”_ Raph took a kick to the stomach, but shook it off quickly. “Bastard,” he muttered, eviscerating the unlucky Foot a second later.

“I do not! It’s not my fault they all look the same.” The Foot facing off with Mike jabbed his sword in a forward strike, but Mike dodged with ease. The soldier’s sword missed its target, instead running through another one of his clan by accident. 

“There’s too many for that anyways. I don’t wanna be stuck here countin’ bodies after.”

“Well, okay.” Mike did a back flip, moving just in time to miss losing his feet at the ankles. “How about, first one to Karai wins?”

“What, an’ leave Leo outta the action? I wouldn’t wanna take the satisfaction of smackin’ around his girlfriend away from him.” Raphael grinned, taking a quick peek at their leader, whose swords were currently spewing blood around his frame in all directions. 

“Not funny, Raph.” Leo spoke through clenched teeth. “You guys need – _ungh_ \- to focus!” He wrenched a katana from the midsection of another Foot, swinging it backwards and catching another coming up on his rear.

“Ooh!” Mike exclaimed. “I got it! How ‘bout ‘last man standing’?”

Raph considered it. He felt confident that he had the stamina. Usually the last Foot remaining was running away from them, so it would just be a contest of who would get to the guy first. “A’right, you’re on. Chores for a week?”

“Yup.”

“An’ Karai don’t count.”

“Yup.”

“Deal.” He squatted, picking up a fallen Foot soldier by the ankles and swinging him around, bashing him into several more. Another ran towards him but he ducked down at the last second, throwing his shoulder into the man’s middle and launching him backwards, towards Leonardo’s direction. “Heads up, Leo!” he shouted.

Leo moved just in time and the body fell to the side, crashing into two more enemies in his proximity. “Dammit, Raph – take it easy! That was sloppy!”

Raph chuckled. “What’sa matter Fearless? I thought you wanted me to hold hands with ya. Told ya I needed room to work.” He laughed again under his breath. “Maybe you won’t keep me so close next time, huh?”

“Huh. Noted.” Leo sounded sour, but he wasn’t really mad. Even though he wished Raph and Mike would take things more seriously, it was good to see them in high spirits, at least. The fight was going well for them all so far, but there were still a lot of enemies to contend with. The three of them had stuck pretty close to one another and had been able to thin the herd considerably, to Leo’s satisfaction. Quite a few more were making it through as time went on though, and he began to notice that there was some stagnation building up around Donatello. He caught glimpses of Don here and there, but worry was setting in as more and more Foot separated them, blocking his view of the brother in purple.

Leo threw both swords up in an ‘X’ shape, just in front of his face. He waited - one second, two. Both katana went outwards in a flash, and two heads dropped to the ground in unison, with a wet _thump_ sound. The two headless bodies remained standing for a couple of seconds, the arterial spray from each neck showering the entire area in an impressive florid mist. The other enemies around him paused for a few seconds at the shock of it, allowing Leo a precious opportunity to turn his attention away.

“Donnie! You okay over there?” There was no response. More worried now, he afforded another look in Don’s direction, and caught a glimpse of his long staff swinging around. That was a good sign, at least. He shouted out again, louder this time, _“Donatello!”_ But again, to his increasing concern, Don did not answer.

**\----------------------------------**

_They’re – they’re getting up again! All of them!_ It didn’t make sense to him at first. _I just need to put more into my attacks,_ he thought, _Leo was right – I just don’t have all of my strength back yet._ Again and again he knocked them back, sure on at least a few occasions that he’d incapacitated a few. But again, to his dismay, each enemy rose and returned to the fight; the end result being that he was quickly becoming surrounded by more and more as time went on. And worse, he was also beginning to get that lightheaded feeling again.

Donatello dodged, affording a quick look in the direction of his brothers. So far, each was holding his ground, but even more Foot were approaching, and Don now realized that he was too overwhelmed to offer support from his direction. Things were taking a bad turn for him fast, and Don knew he had to do something.

_This is it,_ he thought dejectedly, _maybe it’s time to … to grow up._ His heart racing, Donatello threw the end of his staff into a Foot soldier’s nose, shattering it and sending the man to the ground. But instead of moving onto another foe, Don raised his weapon high above his head with both hands, centering his eyes on the fallen man and readying another blow.

The Foot soldier, helpless, had just enough time to look up. Don paused only a second, taking in the fear in his enemy’s eyes. _I have to do this,_ he thought, _I have to prove to my brothers that they can rely on me in battle._ He brought the wood down fast, splitting the Foot soldier’s skull in two.

The body convulsed for a few seconds, and was still. Time froze. He watched as the man’s brain matter slipped and oozed from the new opening. He realized right then that the man’s blood would stain the end of his staff, most likely forever. _I killed him. I killed that man._ He knew it might not have been his first kill; what with the fact that they’d fought hundreds of Foot over the years, statistically it was unlikely. He didn’t exactly wait around to ask each one how they were feeling afterwards, and as such, some may have succumbed to their injuries in his absence. Knowing that didn’t change things now. This was his first intentional kill. Donatello always looked at fighting as self-defense in the truest sense of the word, and never intended to use lethal force. Until now.

So he watched, in that brief moment, as the life escaped from this random Foot, this faceless grunt. And he realized something else just then. _He’s not getting back up._ Donatello had dispatched this enemy for good, with half of the effort. _He’s not getting back up._ Don gritted his teeth, raising his weapon and zeroing in on his next opponent. _None of them are._

His blood was boiling. _My brothers_ \- he grunted, swinging wide and knocking several off of their feet – _have never respected me fully as a warrior._ He leaped up, focusing on the fallen once again. _This is why. It is time to grow up. Leo was right, this is war and it’s us or them. And if I can’t contribute, I’ll always be a burden to them._ He brought the staff down again and again, watching almost as a casual observer; watching, as his body moved with a mind of its own, as his hands dealt death. The world began to swim and swirl around him again and he reeled slightly, trying to get a handle on what was happening to him.

_It – it feels good?_ He connected with the side of another Foot soldier’s head with so much force that the man’s eye socket collapsed; the eyeball bursting forth and hanging down his cheek in a gooey mess. It did not affect him; it brought no remorse. Donatello moved in aggressively, swinging his staff around like a bat. It collided with the man’s jaw, twisting his head with such a force that it snapped his neck with a dense _crack._

_It feels good!_ Something was happening to him. His senses were getting wonky again, but that wasn’t all. The scene before him was suddenly looking much darker again; though it was night out already, the lights from the city didn’t allow for too much loss of visibility. But like before, this darkness creeping in didn’t appear natural, and though he could see it plainly, he knew it wasn’t real. As he watched, even the Foot soldiers themselves began to take on unreal characteristics, some looking as though their arms and legs had lengthened, giving them a gangly and spiderlike appearance. Others seemed to have weapons fused into their skin, bearing claws and blades directly from their flesh. And still others took on even more monstrous qualities, eyes burning red through the masks, hissing and sputtering nonsensical gibberish as they came at him.

_It’s not real,_ he told himself, _just concentrate on the action._ The hallucinations, as intense as they were becoming, were still of little concern to Donatello. _It will pass,_ he told himself, _I just have to ride it out._ But as the fight intensified, the visions did not pass. If anything, they were becoming stronger. And it wasn’t just what Donatello was seeing with his eyes that appeared altered; there was something much more intense happening to him internally. He felt stronger, driven by a primordial urge to destroy, to eradicate this threat. He gave himself to it, utterly. _Yesss … more._ Looking down, he saw a discarded katana blade and snapped it up, abandoning his beloved bo staff for a weapon more lethal. _I never knew … no one ever told me that it felt so powerful …that it felt so good to kill._

Eventually, some of the Foot started turning from him, fleeing while they had the chance. Don looked at the pile of bodies around him, saw the blood and bits of gore that slid down along his own skin, and it pleased him. He smiled, sadistically, drinking in their fear and thriving on it. _Can’t believe … all this time … I never realized how good it feels. You bastards … I’m going to kill you all. I won’t let you hurt me or my family any more._

He paused for a second, catching his breath. _My family … where - where are my brothers?_ He looked in the direction that they should have been in, but the visions were getting stronger, and he was unable to pick them out of the tangle of bodies. _Must get to them … must help._ His thoughts were getting harder to form and he struggled to stay focused. He pushed his way through the throng, slaughtering with a bloodlust he never thought possible, moving towards the direction he’d last seen his brothers in.

**\----------------------------------**

_“Donatello!”_

“What’s the matter? Donnie okay?” Raph asked Leo. The fight was an intense one, and for all of his teasing, Raphael had elected to stay close to his other two brothers after all. Leo had called out to Donatello more than once now, but there had been no answer from him. When Leo had begun changing formation, moving in closer to Don’s position, the other two had followed suit without even having to be told.

“I don’t know, it’s like he can’t hear me or something-” Leo froze, the color draining from him. “Oh–oh my god. Raph, _look!”_

A gap had appeared in the swarm of endless Foot, allowing Leo to finally get a good look at their genius. Donatello was coated head to toe in blood and entrails. His eyes were wide and crazed, and he was fighting like a monster had been unleashed from within. To their further amazement, he had a sword in his hands, of all things – which he was using to cut down foes even as his brothers looked on. 

“Holy shit,” Raph breathed.

Leo was in utter shock. He stumbled over his words. “R-raph, something – something’s wrong with him!”

**\----------------------------------**

_… SO GOOD …_

He was transforming. Some part of him knew that something wasn’t right, but it was a very small part; a very tiny, insignificant voice inside, drowned out by the chaos. He looked down at his hands. They were drenched in blood, but he gripped the weapons (currently one short tanto sword in one, a handful of shurikens in the other) so tight that his hands were shaking with the effort. One finger was bent and twisted away from his hand unnaturally, but he felt nothing from it. Even as he studied them, his hands seemed to blur and trail color as they moved. It didn’t seem to faze him. Rational thought was long since gone. He was a thing, a being bent on one purpose. He looked up just in time to catch another attack before it hit, sending the perpetrator to join the other corpses at his feet.

_… FEELS SO GOOD …_

_No … this makes no sense!_ The small voice inside said, but it was lost; lost amongst a hail of blood and brains and madness. He couldn’t stop. He had no control over this. He pushed harder, not noticing that the sea of enemies had lessened to a trickle, unaware that his brothers were now screaming his name.

Donatello saw him. One Foot, rising higher, shining out amongst the others. Blackness poured forth from this one, spilling out to the other Foot circled around. _He must be the leader … giving them power … must take him …_ His thoughts were feral, now completely enveloped in this unreality, now believing the visions to be real. 

Regardless of his mental state, none of this had any bearing on Donatello physically. He leapt deftly into the air, making for this imagined ringleader. He thankfully felt no pain or exhaustion, having reached a state of consciousness beyond that, despite its costly price. He cut down a Foot in his way without even looking at him. He belted another in the face, knocking him back but ignoring the extremely fortunate man for the greater prize. 

Donatello wasted no time contemplating his attack, instead hitting the monster with everything he had. This soldier was bigger in stature, thicker and more muscular, and his clothing seemed different too; as if there was some color creeping through the black, but he was unable to focus his eyes fully on it. This Foot beast-man was also without a mask, and when he showed his teeth Don saw nothing but rows of sharp incisors. The blackness spilled from them as well, so this monstrosity appeared to be vomiting the dark liquid from every facial orifice.

He went in aggressively, but his enemy was quick; dodging each attack with expertise. _More skilled … than the others …_ he thought brokenly. Two razor-sharp claws came at him again and again, but he dodged both with ease. Don ducked another blow, throwing a hard kick into the creature’s abdomen and knocking him to the ground. With inhuman speed, Don was on top of him, pinning him to the ground and flailing wildly with his borrowed weapon, bent only on getting the kill. Somewhere he’d lost the shurikens, but the tanto blade was still in his hands, and he wielded it like a being possessed.

It didn’t take too long. This one was harder to eliminate, but the end result was the same. He stood, drinking in the sight of the dead enemy at his feet. He was vaguely aware of metal sticking out of him. A prong from one of the Foot-monster’s claw-blades was buried in his shoulder up to the hilt. He paid it no more than a fleeting thought, for at that moment he caught a motion to his right side, bringing the blade in his hand up just in time to meet another attack. It was another of these highly skilled Foot, the ones that bled darkness. _Elites,_ a spot of logic squeezed through and told him, _they must be Elites. Karai … she always has Elites with her ... Karai … she’s here … Elites are here … where are my brothers …_

The thoughts made his head swim, and he shook them off, having to go in defensively for the first time that evening. This Elite’s attacks were so intense, Donatello felt overwhelmed at first. This one, though he looked similar to the other, spewed darkness from his eye sockets only; the two orbs black and soulless at their core. This one was armed with _tanbo,_ two short, heavy wooden sticks which made contact with Don’s body more than once, though again, he hardly felt it. What was worse was that for some reason, this being was screeching at him, making a terrible, high-pitched noise; so horrible was the sound that Don wanted nothing more than to just quiet it by any means possible. 

The thing in front of him, though relentless in its assault, was no match for the turtle. Don, driven by whatever demon now had a hold of him, lunged at his opponent, taking a severe blow to the head in the process. It wasn’t enough to stop his motion however, as he drove his blade deep through the beast’s throat. As the thing gurgled and gasped, the inhuman wailing that had been coming from it ceased, much to his satisfaction. It lay on the ground before him, choking on blood, staring at him with its absence of eyes. Donatello went in to finish the job, but all at once found that he couldn’t. He tried to move forward, but was caught on something. He looked down.

What Donatello saw next set into motion a chain of events. The first thing he noticed was that, even though he didn’t feel pain from it, there was a long katana buried in his side. A wave of nausea hit him the instant he saw it; even in his altered state it was obvious that he’d just taken a mortal blow. Panic threatened to take him, but he instead looked up, needing to see the face of the one who was responsible.

Leonardo stood there, his face twisted in absolute horror. He had a shaky grasp on the sword in Donatello’s side. His entire body was shaking all over.

Donatello saw his brother. He didn’t see all of Leo in the first second; no, his first thought was that it was yet another Elite, for that was the shape that the thing in front of him had taken at first. But it changed, instantly, shimmering and losing its fake skin, revealing the awful truth.

“L-Leo ...?” Donatello swayed, drunkenly, trying to make sense of it all. 

“Donnie … oh my god … _what have you done …”_ Leo pulled the sword away suddenly, looking at the patch of ground near Don’s feet.

The world was swirling around him as the hallucinations began to disappear. Information was coming too fast. Donatello looked down, to the fallen soldier he’d just eliminated and saw a pair of nunchaku there. He thought, _those are … those are Michelangelo’s … did this guy take Mikey’s nunchaku? Then where’s …_

“Mikey.” 

Michelangelo was at his feet, cold and dead. With a tanto blade through his neck.

_No._

_No, no, no._ He looked at his shoulder, the one with the claw-blade buried in it. Only it wasn’t a metal shard after all – it was a sai. One of Raphael’s sai. _No._ Donatello looked a few feet away and saw the body of the red-banded turtle, lying as lifeless as the youngest at his feet.

He understood. _Not Elites … not Elites … my brothers … I killed my brothers. I killed my own brothers._


	14. Chapter 14

“Donnie, I’m sorry … I’m s-so sorry. I-I couldn’t stop you …” Leonardo stood shaking uncontrollably, his sword tips resting lazily on the ground. The swords were red to the hilt. “We knew … we knew you weren’t better yet … we knew you’ve been … having episodes. I knew it was too soon …” He choked on the words. “I knew it was too soon.”

Donatello was aware that Leo was talking, but his older brother’s words did not register. He fell to his knees, unable to look away from the horrifying image of his dead brothers. Dead by his own hand. _It’s not possible. I don’t understand. This – this can’t be real._

He laid a hand down to steady himself and felt something there. It was warm and wet, and suddenly seemed important. Tearing his eyes away, he looked down and saw that he was kneeling in a substantial puddle of blood, which was still gushing from the hole in his side.

He looked up at Leonardo then, thinking, _something’s not right. I don’t feel it. I should feel pain … I should be dying. Why am I not dying …?_ Those words in his head seemed to trigger something, some memory. _I can’t die? Am I - am I dreaming again?_ It seemed crazy. _No, impossible. I woke up. Everything that’s happened, I know that it’s real! I remember the fight, being poisoned. I remember waking up weeks ago …_

He froze. _Weeks ago. Is that right? I can’t remember._

The timing felt wrong, somehow. But he wasn’t sure exactly why; it could just be another side effect from the sickness. There was no question now that he was still having symptoms, but how far did it reach? _I don’t know what’s real anymore. I’m … losing my mind._ He stared at his only living brother, who was still standing where he’d been. Leo kneeled down himself and dropped his swords at last, reaching a shaky hand towards Donatello. He looked half-mad himself, stammering apologies and nonsensical things. Don thought, _he would do that. The real Leo would._ But Don also knew that his worst nightmares were the ones that mimicked real life so perfectly. “This isn’t real.” He said it aloud, as if to confirm it. “You aren’t real - none of this is.”

Leo’s face twisted in pain. “Donnie …” His head fell, and his body began to hitch.

_It’s happening again._ Memories were hitting him. Memories of nightmares, memories of real things; the distinction between the two was so blurry that he didn’t know what to think. It seemed impossible to live a life in dreams, to pass each day normally as he had been, and think that some or all of it wasn’t true. He wasn’t sure when this particular nightmare had begun, but he suspected that he was still out from the poison, that he had just never actually woken up. _But so many days – or weeks? – have gone by … is it even possible to dream sequentially for so long?_

And if it was true, then how long had he been asleep? Donatello wondered, but knew time spent in one world had little bearing on the other. _I’m trapped inside my mind, time has no meaning here. I must escape somehow._ Donatello stood up, suddenly. He thought, _but how do I wake up?_ He looked around frantically. He gave one last look towards what he now suspected was his imaginary brother, but couldn’t help but feel heartbroken, nonetheless. _No,_ he steadied himself, _it’s not the real Leo._ He turned and fled across the rooftop, making for the fire escape and ignoring the imposter, even as he shouted Donatello’s name.

**\----------------------------------**

Don ran as fast as his legs would go, heading for the lair. It was the only thing he could think to do. Though he still felt no pain from the wound in his side (or from any other, for that matter – there was still a sai protruding from his shoulder), it became apparent early on that he was not unaffected. He was having trouble going, feeling his muscles weaken with each step. Fatigue began to hit him hard, threatening to drop him at any moment.

And there was something else troubling him. _If this is a dream … why hasn’t it ended yet?_ All of the other nightmares had finished once he’d become lucid enough, and the cycle continued from there, sending him into a fresh torment each time. _It was Master Splinter,_ he thought, _he’s been pulling me out of them._ But his Master hadn’t intervened this time. He didn’t know what to do. Driven towards the only place he knew as safe, Donatello ran home, hoping that his father – his _real_ father – might be waiting for him there.

The journey through the sewer tunnels passed in a blur. Donatello hardly took notice of anything around him, subconsciously turning down one of many paths leading home. He didn’t have to think about what direction to take, having memorized each twist and turn ages ago. He was thankful that there were some rules here at least, and that the lair still occupied the same spot in this dream-place as it did in the real world. Once he arrived, he tore through each room, wasting no time in seeking out his father.

_“Master, help me!”_ Donatello fell to his knees exhaustedly in the old rat’s chambers, barely able to remain upright. He had his left hand plastered over the hole in his side, the blood still seeping from between his fingers.

The old rat was kneeling on his mat in meditation. Slowly, he opened his eyes, but made no move to stand. “Donatello, my son.” There was a knowing, frightening look in his eye. He breathed deep and spoke again. “I have always known that you were weaker, not as skilled a ninja as your brothers.” He looked utterly devastated, his disappointment fierce. “It was forgivable, given your extraordinary intellect. But I did not understand that this weakness reached as far as to affect your mind as well.”

“No Master, please …”

His sensei went on. “Perhaps I should have known. The strain was too much for you in the end. I did not think that you needed as much mental training as the others, since you appeared so adept naturally. But now, too late, I see what a fool I was.”

“No, Master - tell me this isn’t real!” Donatello sunk into the ground, having lost so much blood at this point that he could no longer remain upright. He struggled to rise, but his wobbly arms gave way, sending him back down. 

“You should have been _stronger,_ Donatello. You alone are responsible for falling so far. And now your brothers have paid the price for that with their lives.” Still, his master did not move from his place on the mat, watching with sorrow as Donatello expired on the cold, stone floor.

Donatello lost it. _No, I was sure! Sure this was the answer …_ “Master, please!” He wailed. He was feeling weaker by the second. _I–I really am dying. This – this isn’t a dream._

It started to sink in. _Not a dream. I really did flip out and kill Raph and Mikey. Oh god it’s not a dream._

And with that thought, Donatello gave in. He laid his head back, feeling the coolness of the floor on his head and neck. He lay there motionless, staring upwards and awaiting the end, his only thought being: _it’s not a dream._

_(“Yes it is.”)_

He heard a quiet voice in his head, but dismissed it. _Mind still playing tricks on me … that sounds like Raph._ He squeezed his eyes shut.

_(“Donnie, don’t give up!”)_

_Mikey?_ Don didn’t want to believe it. _No, it’s not real … I’m imagining this …_

_(“Donatello,_ this _is the dream! You’re safe at home, in bed - you have to wake up!”)_

_Leo…?_

_(“My son, let go of your fear! You were right to think that the world you now occupy was a lie - you must allow yourself to believe it!”)_

_Master … no, it’s not real … I don’t know what’s real …_

_(“You are no murderer, my son – and I know that you would never harm your brothers, no matter the circumstances! This is not reality, but your own insecurities tormenting you. Donatello, we cannot reach you - you must free yourself!”)_

His head swam. _Free myself … it’s a dream, it’s not a dream - which is it?_ He thought in circles, spiraling along a train of thought that threatened to consume him. _Maybe it’s all been a dream, my whole life … then what am I? I don’t know, I don’t understand this … what’s happening to me?_ He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. 

_(“Donatello, my son - search your heart, and you will know the answer.”)_

_Stop! Get out of my head!_ He pleaded for mercy, willing death to come and take him from this madness. But the words of his family were strong, and echoed in his thoughts. _I’m so confused. Please, I love you guys … I’m sorry …_

His eyes shot open and he stared straight forward, unseeing. _My family,_ he thought. _My clan._ He suddenly realized, throughout the confusion and lies, that one thing had never changed. _That’s it - that’s the truth!_ Finally he had something solid, something he did not question; and from that realization came more. _My family … I would never hurt them - I would never hurt my brothers! It isn’t true! These are my fears, my nightmares._ He was gaining confidence. _It’s all a nightmare!_ He struggled to sit up, looking towards the being seated across the room. _And they’d never hurt me. He’s not real, either. My real father would never sit idly by while I bled to death, no matter what._

As if hearing his thoughts, the Splinter he was looking at finally rose and came towards him. He kneeled, the utter devastation present in his voice. “Donatello, my son. I have always loved you as much as any. But your failure has destroyed this family. You are dying, my son … and I am afraid I cannot help you.” He put a gnarled hand out, stroking the side of Donatello’s face. “Perhaps this is for the best. Go, and join your brothers on the other side.”

It was very convincing. The sound of his father’s voice, the feel and smell of his fur – every detail was there. But Donatello held on. “No.” He said, slapping the hand away from his face. “This isn’t real!” 

The voice spoke up inside his head again. _(“Good, my son! Trust not in your eyes, but in your heart!”)_

Donatello struggled to stand, lurching forward and trying to get any amount of distance between him and this fake image of his father. _Yes - the voices in my head - that’s my real family, not this thing in front of me._ After a few steps, he fell again. He looked down at his body, weak and injured, the sight of it making him feel sick. Forcing himself to his knees, he tried to ignore it. _That’s not real either. Have to fight it._

Donatello’s determination was strong. “Wake up.” He said out loud, focusing his eyes steadily on the objects around him. He paused.

_(“That’s it, Donnie - c’mon!”)_ It was Leo again. 

“Wake up!” More forceful this time, he steadied himself. The room before him shimmered slightly, as though it were flat and two-dimensional for a second.

_(“Yeah! Do it – yell louder, or something!”)_ Mikey, this time.

_Okay,_ he thought. _Got to concentrate harder._ “Wake up!” he shouted. The room quivered again, this time sending shock waves through the walls and ceiling. Cracks began to appear in the stone around him, a light seeping through those weakened areas.

_(“You got it Don, keep goin’! You're close, we can see ya!”)_ Raphael’s voice, shouting now.

_“Wake up!”_ he screamed, and the world around him crumbled. Everything bled out to white; a blinding light that ate his entire vision and engulfed him. He had no use of his senses at first, only the light was there, destroying, eliminating everything that was.

Then, there was something in the light. Slow at first, the outline of several figures began to bleed in and take shape. They were standing above him, looking down and smiling; his family, all three brothers and his father, welcoming him, the sight causing Donatello’s heart to swell with insurmountable joy.

“Rise, my son. We have come to take you home.”

**\----------------------------------**

Donatello opened his eyes.

He focused on the ceiling above, letting the details come; the cracks, the pipes, the stains. _Ugh, déjà vu,_ he thought. He turned his head slowly, expecting to see Raphael fall from his chair again, and prepared himself to begin the whole mess all over again.

Raphael was there, but not seated in the chair as before. Instead, he was sitting cross-legged on the floor beside Donatello’s bed, with Mike and Leo in identical positions beside him. As Donatello watched, all three opened their eyes simultaneously. 

“Donnie.” Leonardo smiled huge, and suddenly all three fell on the bedridden turtle. They crowded around, embracing him and saying things he couldn’t quite interpret. It was a lot to take in. Somewhere, he was aware of clawed hands on him, and knew his father was with them as well.

“How do you feel? Can we get you anything?” The intensity of it all was too overwhelming for Don at the moment. He thought it was Leo’s voice again. But he couldn’t answer quite yet, focusing the extent of his effort on blinking back the fogginess instead.

“Donnie?” Leo spoke again. “It’s okay, take your time.” He added, “We’ll be right here.” Donatello made no sound; did not look at them even. He stared upwards at the ceiling calmly. 

As they watched, tears began to stream down Donatello’s face on their own, but he seemed indifferent to them, just staring off into space.

Leo exchanged a worried look with his brothers. Placing a hand on Don’s head, he said, “Don, are you okay?”

Donatello turned his head then, looking directly at Leonardo. “Is this real, now?” He took a breath. “Am I really awake, or is this another dream?” 

Leo grinned wide once again. “It’s real, little brother. It’s over.” He lifted Don up slightly and hugged him fiercely. “You’re home.”

**\----------------------------------**

It took some convincing, but as Don woke up more, it began to feel right. He was still a little skeptical, especially after that last nightmare. He didn’t have to explain though. They’d all been there, at least at the end, and saw the soul-wrenching abyss that Donatello had been living in first-hand.

They told him it had been two weeks. He remembered Casey’s search and rescue mission fairly well and the fight that ensued in the warehouse afterwards. He even remembered the poison beginning to take effect, but after that point his memory was in bits and pieces. He couldn’t really recall how they’d gotten him back to the lair, and after that everything was a mess of feverish dreams and nightmares. 

“Defense mechanism of the brain,” he said to them. His speech was slow and tired sounding, but the words coming out were the same as always. “You see, when the body undergoes great trauma, memory of the incident can sometimes become choppy or even non-existent in some cases ...” He went into a long-winded explanation, but no one yawned, no one left the room, and no one told him to shut up. Instead, they all listened, smiling, as though it were the most interesting thing they’d ever heard.

None of his brothers went into too much detail about what happened in those first twenty-four hours, opting to just give Don the basic facts. They did convey how lost they were in that time though, and there were a lot of apologies (from Leo, mostly) over not knowing what to do or how to help him. Eventually, the important things came out, and Don began to understand more of the situation.

“So … it was Karai that came through?” Don was in disbelief. “How did you ever convince her to help?”

Leo looked startled at the question. Sharing a brief look with Raphael, he said, “We uh, met with her and explained our situation. It turns out that she never gave the order, and she wasn’t exactly happy that it was carried out behind her back.”

Don looked unconvinced. “And she did all of this for us for that reason alone? Either her pride is really overblown, or there’s something you’re not telling me here.”

Leo furrowed his brow, but he spoke softly. “We’ll talk more about that another time. For now, you just concentrate on getting better and let us worry about the Foot.”

He could see that it was a difficult topic for his oldest brother. _Well,_ he thought, _it’s Karai, so that goes without saying. But I have to wonder what kind of a deal he had to make with her._ “Whatever you say. I’m just sorry you guys had to do all of this. I must’ve worried you all so much.”

“Brother, you don’t know the half of it.” Raphael said. “But that don’t matter now.” He stood tall next to Don’s bed, arms crossed and beaming. “S’good to have ya back with us, Donnie.”

Mike didn’t say much, but it didn’t seem to out of the ordinary at the time. _But it should have been,_ Don would think later, _since we usually can’t shut Mikey up in any situation._ The tone in the room, while a happy one, still had a somber cloud looming over it. Raph and Leo had told him most of the story, each interjecting where the other missed things. Master Splinter joined in as well, and before long, Don had more insight on the truth behind his recovery.

“Raph came and woke me up early this morning, around four, I think.” Leo started. “He said you were moving around a lot, making a lot of noise. He thought something might be wrong.” He paused, collecting his thoughts. “He was right. I mean, two weeks went by and you hardly moved at all, or made a sound. But suddenly you were flailing around like crazy, and yelling things too – though I can’t really remember what it was you were saying now.” He grimaced. “So, we didn’t know what to do. I thought maybe you were waking up, so we just tried talking to you at first, trying to get you to hear us.

“That didn’t work though, so we got April up. Lucky for us she was here. You know, she’s been here most of the time, but once Casey was released, she had to go back and forth a lot.”

“Oh!” Don cut in. “Casey’s okay, then?”

Raphael answered him. “Yeah! He’s fine.” He started to chuckle. “Except for the bald spot on his head. They had to shave him - y’know, for the stitches? He looks pretty stupid.”

“And I’m sure you haven’t been giving him a hard time about it, at all,” Don said dryly.

Raphael laughed. “He’s already started wearin’ a hat whenever he comes over here.” 

“Jeez, Raph.” Don rolled his eyes, but he smiled anyways. “Between you and Mikey, I’m starting to get worried.” He lifted the blanket, looking himself over. “Should I be checking for Sharpie on my body, somewhere?”

“Ah, now there was a missed opportunity.” Raphael laughed again and looked over at Mike, but Michelangelo didn’t react. 

“Well anyways,” Leo continued, “as I was saying. After we got April up, she checked on you, and … well, it didn’t look good. She said your blood pressure dropped quite a bit, and even we could tell that you weren’t breathing right. It was pretty scary.” He looked downwards then, sighing. The jovial mood in the room moments before was broken suddenly by Leo’s statement. “We didn’t know what to do, but that’s when Master Splinter came to the rescue.” Leo smiled, looking up at his father just then.

Leo went on, his voice low. “Master spent a lot of time trying to reach you, Donnie. We were worried for him too, he was gone for such long periods at a time. We actually debated waking him right then, since it was some of the first sleep we’d seen him get in weeks.” Again, he looked over at their father.

“Ah.” Splinter smiled warmly, narrowing his eyes. “You underestimate your sensei, Leonardo. I assure you, I am capable of forgoing the necessities of the body for much longer than you think. These bones may be getting older,” he continued, “but age means little, to a master ninja.”

Leo laughed a little. “My apologies, Sensei.” He bowed his head slightly and turned back to Donatello. “So Master went into meditation once again, to try and find out what was happening to you. Well, once he was gone, we were just left standing here, not knowing what to do. I think it was actually Raph that went in first.”

“Yup.” Raph said, matter-of-factly.

“And Mikey was here by then, so he and I just followed suit.” He cleared his throat. “And well, you know the rest. It was really tricky finding you. I don’t think any one of us could have done it alone.”

Their sensei broke in there. “Leonardo is right. I had tried for many, many days, to bring you back to us, but was unable to do so.”

Don looked at his father intensely. “I know. I remember, Sensei.”

The statement fell heavily, and no one said anything for a moment. Eventually, Leo spoke up again. “Even with all of us deep in meditation, it was extremely difficult to reach you. We could see you, see what you were dreaming … but it was like there was something blocking us from making actual contact.” He placed a hand on Donatello’s shoulder. “It was you, Donnie – you had to reach out to us. And you did. You did it, little brother.” He reached up and gave Don’s forehead an affectionate rub, looking over him with great pride. 

Don was beginning to tear up again. “I couldn’t have, without you guys.” He looked around the room. “Thank you. Thank you all so much.”

They all came forward then, hugging him, all of them feeling the joy at their family being complete once more.

**\----------------------------------**

Master Splinter had insisted that they all retire shortly afterwards and allow Donatello time to rest. When the brothers left the room however, their father remained.

“Donatello, my son.” He placed a gnarled claw on Don’s arm. “I feel that my heart is whole once more.”

“Thank you Sensei.” Donatello was crying openly now. “I am so happy to be home.”

“I am so proud of you, my son. You have shown your true strength to us. For it is not victory on the battlefield that makes a warrior what he is, but overcoming the challenges within himself. The fear within is the greatest enemy of all, and you bested it by being strong and remembering the ones that love you.”

“Yes, Sensei, thank you. I owe my life to you, and my brothers. I will never forget that.” He wiped back his tears with a grin. “I love you, dad.”

“And I love you always, Donatello.” The old rat laid a hand on his son’s head, caressing it lovingly in the same way he did when he was a young child. Closing his eyes, he breathed deep before opening them again. “It would do my soul good, however, if you were to never become injured like this again.” He smiled.

Don laughed. “I promise, I’ll try.”


	15. Chapter 15

April wasn’t in the lair when Donatello awoke, but of course she hurried over the second she got the call. She and Casey both came, and the hugs and tears began all over again with their arrival. At that point however, April could tell that Don was feeling overwhelmed (even if Don himself was trying hard not to appear so), and she excused the both of them before too long, promising to return the next day.

April was true to her word, and by early afternoon on the following day, she and Casey returned for a proper visit. She was pleased to see that Don was looking a little better, even if he was incredibly weak. They had to help him sit up, but he seemed in good spirits, and that was definitely reassuring. She figured that it was going to be a little while before he would be able to get out of bed, and so, falling into what the others joked was her "mother hen" routine, she gave them a rundown of how to care for him, fussing over what he should eat, how much rest he should get, et cetera, even insisting that they leave the IV in his arm for a few more days just to be on the safe side. 

When she and Casey entered, Don greeted them warmly. His voice sounded exhausted, but happy. “Hey guys!”

“Hey, yourself.” April leaned over and gave him a small peck on the cheek. “How are you feeling?”

“Better.” He said, and smiled. “April, the guys told me how much you did for me … thank you for everything.”

“Oh, Donnie. No thanks necessary. I just wish I could’ve done more.”

“I don’t know, Raph said you hardly left the lair at all.”

“Well, maybe that’s true in the beginning.” She said. “Once you were … sleeping, I started leaving here and there, just to take care of a few things at the shop. And then there was this dummy to consider.” She nodded back towards Casey. “When they released him from the hospital, I had another patient to deal with.” 

“I’m sorry April! It must’ve been hard on you.”

“Not at all.” She smiled sweetly. “Truth is, you were the easier of the two.”

“Hey, I wasn’t that bad!” Casey brightened, feigning offense.

“He was hopeless, I had to do everything!” She turned to Casey. “For a big tough guy, you sure are helpless when you’re hurt.”

“Well, maybe I just like the idea of a pretty lady lookin’ after me.” He leaned over and gave her a little pinch on the rear.

“Hey!” She whipped around, slugging him. “Casey, knock it off!”

He chuckled, giving her a big, dumb grin. Settling down, he came over to the bed and addressed Donatello, his tone turning serious (as serious as Casey _could_ sound, that was). “Hey, Donnie though – seriously man, I feel terrible about gettin’ you in trouble like this. If I hadn’t chased after those guys, none of this ever would’a happened.”

“Oh, no – it’s not your fault. I mean, you were just trying to keep the Foot away from April’s place, after all.”

“Yeah, but … I dunno. I should’a just scared ‘em off and left it at that.”

“There’s no way you would’ve known that they’d set a trap for us. And if didn’t happen that night, it would’ve happened sometime. I guess we should feel lucky that things didn’t turn out worse.”

“So … no hard feelin’s, then?”

“No way!” Don chuckled.

“See, Ape? I told ya it weren’t no big deal. Us guys, we don’t hold grudges over stuff.” He leaned in close to Don, putting one hand to his mouth to shield it. “I got yelled at a _lot_ for this, I’ll have ya know.”

 _“Jones!”_ She growled, kicking him.

“Ouch!” Casey snapped back up. “Easy, babe! I’m still injured over here myself, remember?”

She didn’t look too concerned. “Will you just get out of here, already? I want to talk to Don alone anyways.”

“Sheesh.” Casey shuffled out of the room, mumbling. “Should've just stayed in the hospital ...”

**\----------------------------------**

“So what’s up?” Don asked.

“Nothing really. I just wanted to get him out of here for a minute.” She sat down on the edge of his bed and placed a hand on his arm. “Donnie, I’m so glad you’re okay.” Her eyes began to well up. “You really scared us.”

“Oh, April - I’m so sorry! Please don’t cry.” Her sudden change in demeanor surprised him.

She waved him off. “It’s okay, I’m fine, really. And don’t be sorry.” She sighed, looking at her lap. “But we didn’t know, for a while there, if you were going to make it. I’m just so relieved.” She smiled at him, but it faded quickly. “Between you and Casey both … I just don’t want to go through this again.”

He understood. _It has to be tough,_ he thought. _Yet she never complains, never asks Casey to quit doing it … she knows we can’t, this is our life._ “April? Thank you.”

She hugged him tight, her tears coming fast now, but she was smiling nonetheless. “No, thank you. Thank you for coming back to us.”

They stayed and chatted for a little while longer, the conversation centering mostly around how Don was feeling, what, if anything, he needed, and the like. Before long, she rose to leave, insisting that he needed to rest. Before she left however, she paused at the doorway and stared off a moment, looking like she wanted to say something else.

“April? Is something wrong?”

She glanced tentatively out the door, and back again. Satisfied that the coast was clear, she walked back in and knelt near his bed, keeping her voice low. “Um. Maybe I shouldn’t say anything, really. I don’t want to lay too much on you just yet …”

He looked at her quizzically. “It’s okay. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

“Well,” she paused, still looking unsure. “It’s just ... the other guys. This might have been tough for all of us, but it was really hard on them, Donnie. I know you don’t remember much, and I want to be careful what I say here, so that I don’t trigger anything …”

“It’s alright.” His face suddenly went dark. “I remember enough.” His closed his eyes and breathed deep, the sudden memories of pain and death causing him to swoon slightly.

“Oh, Don.” She reached out and shook him gently. His eyes fluttered back open. “There, you see? I shouldn’t be talking about this now, it’s too soon.”

“No, it’s alright.” He assured her. “What’s wrong with my brothers?”

“Well,” she started, “Raph seems fine, anyways. Really, throughout the whole thing, I think Raph kept it together better than any of us.” She laughed at the thought. “He and Casey were horsing around just earlier, as a matter of fact. And that reminds me – I’m afraid the living room furniture is going to need some patching up, once you’re back on your feet.” 

“I can only imagine how much work is waiting for me, after all this time,” he said dryly.

She smiled a little. “No kidding. You’d think they would’ve been more careful with things in your absence, but I’m afraid that’s not the case. I heard Leo shorted out one of your kitchen appliances last week too.” 

“Fantastic. Leo’s not supposed to be in the kitchen anyways, we banned him from it after the last disaster he tried to serve as dinner.”

That got a small giggle out of her. “So, speaking of Leo ... well, I don’t really know about Leo. He hasn’t been around much, but whenever I have seen him, he’s been in here with you. He wouldn’t let anyone else take watch for the longest time. Actually, Raph had to physically remove him and force him to bed, more than once.”

“Oh.” He looked down, a little guilty. “That sounds like him, though.”

“Yeah, I mean, of course he was worried about you. But, I don’t know. I can’t help but feel like something else is bothering him. I can’t say for sure, but he just seems … off, you know? And I thought when I saw him today - now that you’re better – I thought that he would be better too.”

“But he isn’t?”

She shook her head. “When I talked to him earlier, he just seemed … well, a little distracted, almost like he was worried about something. Like the weight of the world was still on his shoulders.”

“It often is,” Don told her. “Leo takes on too much responsibility, even in normal circumstances.”

“Yeah. I guess that’s true. I’m sure he’ll snap out of it. He’s the big brother, you know? He probably just feels a little down about you getting hurt in the first place.” She stopped there, looking at her hands and thinking. Her silence made Donatello feel uneasy.

“April? What about Mikey?”

She bit her lip. “Mikey,” she mumbled, avoiding eye-contact. “Mike’s not doing too good.”

“Why? What’s the matter with him?”

“Well, I think this whole thing has been hardest on him. He’s just not himself Don - and it’s kind of scary. The guys said he’s pretty much been locked in his room for the past two weeks. I would’ve thought he moved out if they didn’t tell me differently. Even Splinter hasn’t been able to convince him to come out. And what’s worse,” she stalled, drawing in breath, “I don’t think he’s been sleeping or eating, either. He looks terrible.”

Don sighed. “He seemed happy enough when I first woke up. But yeah, I guess I haven’t seen him since. I just thought maybe I was asleep when he came by.”

“Again, I figured he’d snap out of it once he knew you were fine, but I saw him today, and, well ... he hasn’t snapped out of it. I tried talking to him, but he wouldn’t even look at me. He just said a couple of words and stormed out, back to his room. Like a robot, there’s just no emotion in him at all.”

 _“Mikey?”_ Donatello couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t even picture Michelangelo not being his happy, goofy self. _What the hell happened while I was out?_

“Yeah. And I know the others are worried about him too, but nobody really knows what to say to him.” She brightened a little, looking up at him. “He’s just still a little freaked out, I guess. Maybe if you spent some time with him? I’m sure it would calm him down a little, just to be around you more.”

“I will, April. Thanks for letting me know.” Don looked very troubled now. “I can’t believe how much I worried everyone.”

“Please, don’t feel bad,” she said. “It really isn’t your fault. But it should show you how much we all care about you, huh?” She smiled.

His tone was serious, but he returned her smile. “Yeah. It does.” 

Noise from the living room was beginning to filter in. April rolled her eyes. “Sounds like those two are at it again.” Sighing, she stood up. “Get some rest, okay?” She winced as another loud _crash_ came from the living area. “I’m going to go and try to save what’s left of your furniture.”

**\----------------------------------**

Another day or so passed and April’s words began to ring more and more true to Donatello. He saw nothing of Michelangelo in that time, and very little of Leo, who stopped in mostly just to check in on how his recovery was progressing. Again, keeping in line with what she’d said, only Raphael made frequent visits to see him, often bringing him things from the lab to keep him occupied.

“So is that the right one?” Raph handed Donatello a worn book. “I swear it took me forever to find it. I dunno what kinda system you got goin’ on in there, but I couldn’t find a damn thing in that mess.”

“It’s called, ‘my own personalized filing system.’ Basically, I toss everything somewhere, and just try to remember what pile it’s in.”

“An’ I thought geniuses were supposed to be all organized an’ shit,” Raph grumbled.

 _“Au contraire._ Most true geniuses actually have very disorganized lives, some bordering on the wildly eccentric. Einstein, for example, would get so wrapped up in his work that he would often forget to bathe, sometimes for days or weeks at a time.”

“Huh. Yeah, well, if you start doin’ that, I’ll toss yer stinky ass into the shower myself. Bein’ in the same room as Mikey’s feet is bad enough. Y’know, I’m startin’ to think he’s doin’ it on purpose - workin’ it to his advantage? I dunno how many times we been in practice an’ I had one of those things in my face. He doesn’t even have to land a kick, the odor alone is enough to knock a guy out.”

Don chuckled a little. “Hey Raph,” he started, his tone suddenly serious, “About Mikey. Is something wrong with him? April said he’s been acting funny.”

“Eh, yeah.” Raph rubbed at the back of his neck, looking uncomfortable. “I dunno. He won’t talk to us.”

“He … hasn’t come by. I haven’t seen Leo much lately either, for that matter.” Donatello bit his lip. “Um. They're not mad at me for some reason, are they?” He wouldn't have thought so, but with the spotty places in his memory, Don wasn't entire sure he hadn't said or done something to set them off. 

“Nah, Donnie. They ain’t mad at ya.”

“Well, I’d kind of like to see them – especially Mike.” He sounded a little hurt. “I haven’t seen him since I first woke up.” The dream image of Michelangelo’s body, lying motionless with a sword in his throat, forced itself into his mind. He shuddered. 

“Is that so …” Raph trailed off, scowling. “Ah, don’t worry about Mikey - he’s just bein’ a little asshole right now. He’ll get over it.”

“And Leo?”

“Leo’s always an asshole.”

Don laughed. “Well, at least _you_ still have your sense of humor.”

“Hey, somebody has to around here! Seriously, you would not believe some of the shit I had to put up with for you.” He grinned wide, gesturing outwards with his hands. “April cryin’, Mikey cryin’ – people huggin’ me … _hugging me,_ Donnie!”

Donatello busted up laughing. “You?” He tried to imagine how uncomfortable Raph must have looked during those tender moments. The thought made him laugh even harder. “How did you manage ...” 

_“Barely,_ lemme tell ya.” Raph shivered. 

“Aw, Raphie. I always knew you were a big softie under that all that gruff.”

“Feh,” he muttered. “Well, you owe me big for this one.” He slapped his forehead, suddenly. “I had to hug _Leo,_ for cryin’ out loud.”

Donatello broke out in new laughter. “You’ve got to be kidding me! What I wouldn’t have paid to see that.”

Raphael sounded annoyed, but he was laughing now too. “I know! Seriously, what the hell? Don’t do this to me again,” he grumbled good-naturedly. “But hey, if ya want, I’ll talk to the guys. Uh, it wasn’t exactly _easy_ for us you know, while you were sick … but it ain’t right for them to be actin’ like this.”

“Well, I don’t know. I’m going to talk to Mike myself, I think. And Leo … hm.” Don paused, thinking. “I don’t know what’s up with Leo. I didn’t really expect this kind of thing from him.” He frowned.

“Eh, I wouldn’t worry about it so much. Ya know Leo’s always stressin’ about somethin’. He’s probably off mopin’ around in one of his _‘I’m not a good enough leader’_ funks.”

“Yeah, maybe. I don’t know. I think he actually is mad at me, a little.”

“Aw c’mon, that's crazy. Now what makes ya think that?”

“Well I mean, it’s my own fault that all of this happened. I didn’t follow orders, I got myself in trouble – just like Leo said would happen. If I were him, I guess I wouldn’t be happy about it either. I … put you guys through a lot, I know.” 

“Hey now, come on with that. None of this was your fault. An’ if Leo really thinks that, then he _is_ bein’ an asshole. It was the Foot who did this to ya – and you can believe we’re gonna give ‘em hell for it, just as soon as you're on your feet again.” A gleam appeared in Raphael’s eye just then, a sign of his hunger for the fight to come.

“I guess.” But Don didn’t look too sure.

“Hey, I’ll talk to Leo and straighten him out, don’t you worry.” But his tone told Donatello that Raph’s version of the word "talk" really translated to "fight." He hoped Raph would keep his attacks verbal rather than physical, but the way those two went at each other you never could tell.

“N-no, that’s alright. Thanks, but I think it would be best if you didn’t. Leo will come around on his own. I don’t want to force him.” 

Hearing the sadness in Don’s voice, after everything he’d been through, got the hotheaded turtle boiling. He knew that fire wasn’t going to subside until he’d had it out with the oldest, but he didn’t want to upset his brother further. “Yeah, okay. Whatever you want, Donnie.”

**\----------------------------------**

“Master?” Don said, “I’d like to talk to Mikey. Will you tell him, for me?” The day was drawing to a close and Master Splinter had just excused himself for bed, first making sure that Don had everything he needed, of course. Despite Don’s protests otherwise, his brothers had been instructed to check on him every couple of hours throughout the night. Don was too weak to leave his bed and it was in this way that they set up a "watch" of sorts over him, by still allowing him some privacy.

“I think that is a good idea, my son.” Splinter said, and the concern in his voice was not lost on the turtle. “As long as you feel up to it. I believe your brother is quite troubled over what has happened.”

“I know.” Don was afraid he might know why also, but didn’t say.

Splinter left, and minutes later a very wasted looking Michelangelo stepped into the doorway, leaning on one side of it. “Um …” He mumbled, not making direct eye-contact, “Master said you wanted to see me.”

“Yeah. Come, sit down.” _April was right,_ he thought sadly, _he does look bad. Thinner, definitely … exhausted too._ Mike walked into the room a few steps, but didn’t look sure. Don was almost afraid he might turn around and walk back out. “Mikey,” Don began, “Everyone’s really worried about you. You want to tell me what’s wrong?”

Michelangelo sighed, but didn’t look at his brother. “I dunno ...”

“C’mon, Mikey. This isn’t like you. C’mere.” He waved the younger turtle in, motioning for Mike to sit on the bed next to him.

“Well …” Mike plopped himself down with a sigh, long and deep. Donatello saw the kid in him right then, the scared version they used to see a lot when Mike was young. He seemed really interested in his fingernails all of the sudden. “I’m really stupid, Donnie.”

“Er, Mikey - that’s not true. Why would you say that?”

“C’mon.” Mike looked up suddenly, his face twisting up. _“You’re_ the smart one. _I’m_ the dumb one. That‘s how it is, and we all know it.” He dragged the back of his hand across his snout angrily. Don raised a hand in protest, but Mike continued before he could say anything. “But it was never really a problem before. It was never ... dangerous. It’s okay that I’m stupid, 'cause you and the other guys are always around to take care of the important stuff.”

“Mikey, what are you talking about?” Don was really worried. _I’ve never seen him like this,_ he thought.

Mike buried his face in one hand. “I-I tried to kill you, Donnie. I almost killed you, for real.” He let out a pitiful sob.

“I know.”

Michelangelo looked up, stunned. “What do you mean, ‘you know’?” 

“I mean,” Don paused, steadying himself, “I remember. Maybe you thought I was out of it, but I wasn’t.” He attempted to smile. “To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t entirely sure if it was real, or another dream. Until now, that is.”

“So - so you heard all that stuff I said?” Mike looked pretty horrified at the thought.

“Yes.” Donatello said quietly. “Actually, I remember it quite well. It was one of my more lucid moments, I suppose. I could hear you, see you – I could see everything. But I couldn’t move at all, or speak. It was weird, I remember trying to say something, but I couldn’t move a muscle – I was totally paralyzed, for some reason.” He shook his head slightly, a little perplexed.

Mike gave him a strange look. “B-but Donnie …”

“What? What is it?”

“Y-your eyes weren’t open. You were totally gone, like you’d been the whole time.” He swallowed. “I know … I kept talking to you, hoping you might snap out of it to - to stop me. But you didn’t. You just … you just kept _screaming ...”_ He looked a little ill with the thought. 

_Huh. More hallucinations. I must’ve heard him,_ Donatello thought, _and just … formed the picture in my own head, maybe?_ He thought back. There was some distinction there, something that felt more real about Mike sitting there talking to him, than the needle actually going in his vein. _That was where the dreams took over again. I thought Mike had injected me, but he didn’t, really. Ugh._ That line between reality and unreality blurring, it made him feel nauseous. He shook the thoughts away. “It doesn’t matter. I heard you – the real you – and I understand. I know why you did it.” He smiled sadly, looking at Mike with profound shame. “It was my fault, for putting you in that position in the first place.” He looked down. “I never should have given up like that. I never should’ve asked you and Leo to-” He froze, mid-sentence. _Leo._ Now it made sense. With this sudden revelation, had come another – _Mike was only giving in to my request. That means I actually did ask them to end my life … so that was real also._

“Donnie?”

“Oh, um - I’m okay. I think I’m going to have to have a talk with Leo, though.”

Mike nodded slowly. “So … so you don’t hate me?” 

“Mikey. I would never hate you, you know that.” He sounded slightly exasperated, as though it was a ridiculous question.

“I dunno, dude … I just keep thinking, what if I did? What if I did do it? Then you wouldn’t be here right now.” Fresh tears stung at his eyes. “I have never screwed up this bad.”

Don reached out and grabbed Mike’s arm. “Mikey, please,” he said, “don’t do this to yourself. Besides, you’re forgetting the most important thing.”

Mike wiped his face sloppily. “What’s that?”

“That it was you and everyone that rescued me in the end. You heard what Master Splinter said – it took all four of you to find me.” He shook his head. “I wouldn’t have made it out on my own.”

“Yeah, but-”

“No, listen to me. If it _wasn’t_ for you, I wouldn’t be here.” He grinned wide. “You have no idea how grateful I am for that.”

“Really?”

Donatello nodded, still grinning. “Of course.”

Mike looked like he was starting to come around. The corner of his mouth turned up slightly. “Well … I was pretty great in there, when we went inside to get you. I was the first one there, even though Raph started meditating before me.”

“Oh yeah?” Don said, encouraging Mike to go on. 

“Yeah!” He sniffed, hawking a large wad of phlegm into a nearby trashcan. “And it was _me_ that found the other guys, and Master too. Nice how Raph and Leo left _that_ out of the story.”

Don laughed. “It’s too hard on their pride. You always did have a knack for reaching higher states of consciousness.” Don mused, “Strange really, given your lack of focus in everything else.”

“I know, right?” Mike brightened more, much to Don’s relief. “I don’t know, I just sit down and do it. I dunno why the rest of you have so much trouble.”

“Well. An empty brain is the easiest to clear ...”

“Pff, yeah right. You’re just jealous of how awesome I am. Quit fillin’ up yours with all that geeky junk all the time, and maybe one day you can achieve my status.” Mike stretched, flexing his arms for emphasis.

“One could only hope to be so modest, as well.” Don rolled his eyes.

Mike paused, thinking. “It was pretty weird, though. I’ve never been inside someone else’s head before. So who’s ‘Kari,’ anyways?”

Don’s eyes snapped wide, his expression changing instantly. He looked like an animal caught. “M-Mikey! You were snooping around inside my head! H-how is that … how is that even possible …?”

“No! I just – well, I got distracted for a second, y’know, when I was looking around for the others. I didn’t see anything, I swear!” Michelangelo, somehow able to achieve the profound concentration it takes to enter the highest state of mind, became bored once there, and had to find something to occupy himself. The irony of it made Don’s head hurt. _I can’t think about this too much,_ he said to himself, _some things will always be a mystery, I guess._

“Oh, Mikey …” he groaned.

Mike chuckled. “Sorry! I didn’t mean it.” But on the end of that statement, he added, “So is she hot?”

“Mikey!”

“She _is_ hot. I knew it! Who is she?” 

Don started to blush. “That’s none of your business!”

Mike was laughing now. “Yes, ammo! Now what should I do with this juicy information …”

“Don’t you _dare_ tell the others.” Don warned him.

“Dude, it’s no big deal. You’re so uptight about that stuff. Leo too, actually. But at least he’s got a girlfriend.”

“Hm.” Don frowned a little. “All joking aside, I do wonder about that. I don’t know what he thinks about her, really.” _Or vice versa,_ he thought. _Though she did defy the Shredder at Leo’s request to save my life. I don’t think she would’ve done so for my benefit alone._ “In any case, it’s not going to happen between them. I doubt Karai is warm to the idea.”

“Yeah, but Leo is, isn’t he?” Mike grinned mischievously. 

Don looked away, trying not to smile. “Yeah … yeah, maybe. But try not to give him a hard time about it.” He thought about it a little more. “After this experience especially, I have to wonder about how he convinced her to help.” 

“He just gave her some of that _sweet_ turtle lovin,’ dude.” 

“Please.” Don sounded annoyed. “That is not what I meant, even a little bit. And thanks for putting that image in my head.”

“So, I’ve always wondered …” Mike thought aloud.

“What’s that?”

“Wouldn’t it technically be bestiality, if they did? Like, could she go to jail for it?”

“Oh my god, my brain.” Don threw his hands to his face. “Someone help me.”

Michelangelo erupted in laughter. “Seriously! You know I’m right. We’re turtles, any chick we hook up with has to be pretty kinky, right?”

“I am so done with this conversation.”

“Well, Raph thinks it’s pretty funny, anyways.”

“I’m sure he does.” Don rolled his eyes again, but couldn’t stifle the smile at his lips. As uncomfortable as he felt with this particular turn the conversation was taking, he was happy to see some of his brother’s old self emerge, even if it was his vulgar side. “Anyways, I know there’s more to it than that.” He came out with it. “Mikey, why _did_ Karai give you guys the antidote?”

Now it was Mike’s turn to look uncomfortable. He thought back to that moment, when Leo unloaded on Karai. He remembered how Leo sounded; so unusual it was to hear his oldest brother break down and lose control like that. He thought about how pissed off Raphael was, how everyone was screaming at each other … and how he himself just sat and cried. He swallowed. “Well, I dunno … I think she felt sorry for us. I know Raph always says that she’s evil or whatever – but I don’t think she’s all bad. Kinda like, um …” He thought hard. “Oh! I guess she’s kinda like Catwoman. Catwoman’s technically a bad guy, but sometimes she does good things too, ‘cause her and Batman kinda have a thing goin’ on.” He chuckled. “So I guess that makes Leo the _Dark Knight.”_

“Dark Knight, huh? That sounds more like Raph’s department.” That made Mike laugh. Don pressed forward; he knew Mike wasn’t giving him the whole truth. “So that’s all? You expect me to believe that she just did it out of the kindness of her heart?” 

“Wellll … okay. Leo did have to make a little deal with her.” _Here it comes,_ thought Donatello. “We’re kinda … supposed to leave the city. Y’know, for good.” He cringed a little, bracing himself for the fallout.

“What! When was someone going to tell me this?” He grimaced, placing a hand to his forehead. A memory seeped in, some conversation he’d imagined Raph and Leo having from that last dream, something about Karai and a deal they’d made with her. _Déjà vu, all over again,_ he thought. Again, he had that sense that he must’ve picked up on some conversations in his sleep, that his sick mind had somehow interpreted their words and twisted it into dream.

“Well, I dunno if we’re actually going to. I mean, Raph wasn’t too happy about it, and Leo hasn’t said anything … I don’t think he’s told Master Splinter yet.”

“Oh, jeez.” Don’s hand went back to his face.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. I mean, who cares what Karai said, right? We don’t have to leave if we don’t wanna.”

“Mike, you know that Leo isn’t going to just go back on his word. It’s very important to him - really, it’s important to all of us. It’s dishonorable to do so. Master wouldn’t be pleased.”

“Yeah, but - I mean, the Foot are like that all the time! They’re always pulling sneaky shit. Just look at what they did to you.”

“Right, exactly. And by sinking to their level, we become the same. Our training, and the code of honor we fight by, is what defines us and makes us better than our enemies.”

“Ha. You sound like Leo.”

Don laughed. “Yeah, well, that just proves my point.” He sighed. “He never should’ve agreed to that in the first place.”

“He didn’t have a choice, dude.” 

Don sighed again. “Yeah. I know.”

**\----------------------------------**

The next day, Mike came back to Donatello’s room, his demeanor visibly changed for the better. It was a huge relief to Don, and when he looked over at Raphael, he saw the same relief on the red-masked turtle’s face as well.

“Hey Donnie, what’s up? You still alive?” Mike pulled a chair up and looked at his brother expectantly.

“Still kicking. What’s going on?”

Raphael looked stunned for a second. “Uh, hey, Mikey.” He scowled, muttering sarcastically, “Long time no see.”

“Oh, hey Raph.” Mike ignored his comment, and turned back to his bedridden brother instead. “So Donnie, whaddaya say to some games today? There’s some great custom levels up for LBP and I was thinkin’ we could rip through a couple together. You in?”

“Oh. Well yeah, sure!” Don smiled. “I am getting a little tired of the scenery in here.”

They retrieved his staff for him, which he used for support. Even though Donatello had been up a few times (for the bathroom, mostly), each occasion had left him utterly exhausted. It took him great effort to stand, even with his brothers on either side of him.

“You sure ya feel up to this?” Raphael asked him, seeming a little skeptical after seeing how much his brother was struggling.

“Y-yeah. Got to.” Don, now on his feet, paused to catch his breath. “I’m tired of being an invalid. It’s a little embarrassing, to say the least.”

“Yeah, well ya do look pretty silly.” Raph gave him his biggest shit-eating grin.

“Thanks.” He grunted. “C’mon, help me to the couch.”

When Don was settled, the other two joined him. Mike loaded up the game, telling them, “So check it out – I made characters for all of us.” He took each controller, flipping through menus and loading three custom built avatars for each. Every character had the same stuffed doll at its base, but Mike had been very creative with the colors and accessories he’d placed on each one. When it was all loaded, three little, green people appeared on screen, turtle shells and colored bandannas on each, respectively. 

“Mike, that’s amazing! You made us!” Don really was impressed.

“Yeah!” Mike was beaming. “It was really fun. I was kinda limited with the accessories, but I think I got the basics down alright. Look-” he pointed at the screen, “I gave my guy the frying pan, ‘cause I’m such a good cook.”

Don laughed a little. “Naturally.”

“And yours has the glasses, ‘cause you’re the smart guy ...”

“Nice.”

“Hey!” Raph interrupted, “Why’s mine got the angry face saved on it?” He frowned, not seeming to realize that he was actually mimicking the character in doing so.

Don and Mike both laughed. “Take a wild guess, dude.”

“Funny, Mikey. Okay, so what’s with the eyepatch?”

“’Cause it makes you look more badass, duh.” Mike rolled his eyes.

“Well, alright,” Raph mumbled, “I guess that’s okay.” Mike and Don burst out laughing again.

When the laughter died down, Don turned to Mike and asked, “So, did you make one for Leo, too?”

“Uh, yeah.” Mike looked away suddenly. “His has a sword, actually. It was the only weapon they had that matched up, so he got lucky.” 

“Do you … think he might want to play with us? It’s a four-player game, right?”

Mike and Raph exchanged a look. Raph said, “I don’t think he’s here. He went out earlier this morning, I haven’t seen him since.”

“Oh.” 

The disappointment in Don’s voice was painful to hear. _So Leo’s still givin’ Donnie the cold shoulder,_ Raph thought. _That’s it, Fearless. I think we’re gonna haveta’ have a little talk._ He cleared his throat. “Ah, who needs ‘em. Leo sucks at games anyways, he’d just hold us back.”

“Yeah, that’s for sure.” Mike added. “Okay you guys, get ready for this one – _The Ultimate Level of Fiery Doom!”_ He laughed maniacally.

“Aw jeez,” Don cried. “Can’t we start on something easier? Who let Mikey drive?”

Mike, mocking their sensei’s voice, offered, _“One must learn by doing, Donatello. For a warrior cannot excel unless he pushes the boundaries of his skill.”_

Don sighed good-naturedly. “Fine. But I get to pick the next level.”


	16. Chapter 16

“So Donnie was askin’ about ya in there – how come ya haven’t been in to see him?” Raph had heard Leo come in and knew it was time to have it out with him. He stood in the doorway to Leonardo’s room. “What’s with ya lately, anyways? S’bad enough Mikey’s been actin’ all nuts, now you're gonna do this to him too?”

Leonardo didn’t even look at him. “Oh I forgot, the only one who’s allowed to brood around here is you.”

“Fuck off. I tried.” Raph stormed out. 

And that was all. Raphael was a little surprised at himself, for breaking out of the argument before it actually got started. He stopped halfway down the hall, contemplating whether or not he should go back in and have it out with his older brother.

 _Nah,_ he thought, _Donnie asked me not to anyways. ‘Sides, I think I got my point across._ But he swore he’d keep an eye on Leo, and if their leader didn’t come around soon, then Raph was ready to lay into him further. _Even if I gotta pound some sense into him,_ he thought, the idea a little more than tempting to him.

**\----------------------------------**

Two more days passed, and Leonardo still did not come to see his bedridden brother in that time. Don was sure something was very wrong; there was just no denying it now. At first, Leo had seemed ecstatic at Don’s awakening and had come to see him often in those first days. But after some time, he showed up less and less, and Don was afraid he knew why. The talk he’d had with Mike cinched it.

Before dawn of the third day since he’d last seen the eldest turtle, Don awoke to hear sounds coming from the dojo. His ninja ears picked up the subtle sounds of the one responsible, and he knew that it was time he confronted his brother.

“Don!” Startled, it took Leo a second to find his voice. “You shouldn’t be out of bed …”

“Guess I’m tired of being so lazy.” Don was standing, shaking slightly with the effort, his bo staff lending support. He smiled at first, but it soon faded. “Leo, we need to talk.”

Leo looked away from him, deep in thought. He sheathed both swords. “Alright,” he said, “but let’s sit down at least.” He walked over to Don, helping his wobbly brother into a seated position on the dojo floor.

It was there that they faced each other, both sitting cross-legged and waiting for the eventual storm that was hanging overhead to break. Donatello felt nervous. He had the sinking feeling that he was about to get chewed out for something - chewed out hard.

“Leo,” Donatello began, “I’m sorry.” He looked up at his brother, his eyes begging forgiveness. “I went against orders, I was defiant, and now I see the price of that. Only, it wasn’t just me that paid for it. I put you all through so much, all because I wasn’t good enough.” He hung his head in shame. “I’ll train more. I will be as skilled as the rest of you, I swear it.” 

Leo didn’t say anything at first. Finally, he spoke, low and disconnected. “You think that’s why I’m mad – because you fell in battle? For as smart as you are, you sure are being stupid right now.”

Don looked up suddenly, caught. “No. No, I guess I _hoped_ that’s why you were mad at me. But after talking to Mike … I guess now I know. Listen, I am sorry. I just didn’t realize the impact of my actions at the time …”

Leo began as stone, almost impossible to read. But he quickly lost composure, the weeks of worry and regret finally coming through. “No kidding. Donnie – you actually asked us to end your life. I actually considered doing it! Forget how screwed up it makes _me_ feel, do you even understand how hard this has been on Mike?” Leo shook his head in disgust. “You ‘didn’t realize the impact’? Well guess what. I don’t know if we’re ever going to get Mikey back. He’s completely flipped his lid.”

“Mike’s better now. I straightened things out with him.” But Don didn’t sound very happy about it, letting his head hang where it had been. “Leo, please. I’m so sorry. I-I was wrong.”

“Okay.” Leo took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. “Okay. It’s not like I don’t understand. Before I went in, before we actually were _inside_ your nightmare … I didn’t know. I didn’t realize why you wanted us to do it. I thought you were just giving in to the pain.

“But then I saw that wasn’t the case. I saw then, that the real suffering was in your mind. And it made more sense.”

Their eyes met. “But I’m still angry with you. Because in spite of it all, you went against everything we’ve been taught. You still gave up.” Leonardo looked away, ashamed at the single tear on his face. “I have to know that you guys will do anything to survive, at any time, or …” He couldn’t finish.

Don reached out, placing a hand on his brother’s arm. “Leo … it’s okay. You don’t have to protect us all of the time. We’re not kids anymore.”

“No, I do.” Leonardo sat up straight and wiped at his face abruptly and clinically, drying it. To Don, he looked worn, but that air of pride was there, the one that always surrounded him, especially in these more intense moments. “I always will, little brother, and I’m glad to do so.” He took a deep breath, trying to compose himself. “All that I ask is that you keep yourselves safe, when I can't.”

Donatello knew his brother too well, knew that he would always bear the burden of being the oldest, of leader – of protector. “I understand.” Don smiled, a little sadly. “I am really sorry, Leo. I swear I will never again put you – any of you - in that position again.” He bowed to his brother then, dipping his head low.

“It’s alright. I know I’m being hard on you. It’s just that I ... I never thought I'd ... I mean, I never expected-”

Don sat up, cutting him off. “It’s okay, Leo. I was wrong, I know that now. I was confused. Scared.” He thought back, taking it all in. “I’m not going to lie - I was terrified. It was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. Worse than anything I thought possible.” He shivered. “But,” he continued, _“that which does not kill us makes us stronger.”_ He smiled. “Nietzsche. Remember how Sensei used to recite that to us all the time?”

“How could I forget.” He sounded serious, but Leo’s features softened a little with the memory. “He said it so many times, it almost makes my skin crawl just to hear it now.”

Donatello laughed a little. “I know. But I still think of it sometimes, when things get tough. It kind of makes me feel better,” he said with a shrug. “Weird, huh?”

“No, I do that too," Leo said. “I guess some things always stick with you. I thought it was just me that did it, though.” 

Silence fell between them. In the stillness of the night, in the cold dojo, it was deafening. Leonardo broke through it, his voice piercing the quiet as evenly and precisely as his swords ever pierced through flesh and bone. “Donnie … this has been the worst thing _I’ve_ ever experienced.” He looked suddenly disgusted. “Listen to me say that to you, after what you’ve been through.”

“I understand.” Donatello thought back to the nightmares, still fresh in his head. He saw the bodies of his brothers, his clan, lying broken and bloody and cold. “It’s worse, in a way, to watch it happen to someone else. Remember, I’ve spent a good deal of time looking over all of you, in the infirmary. I’m no stranger to the feeling.” He laughed a little, nervously. “Knowing you especially, Leo … you must’ve been out of your mind.”

Leonardo’s mouth betrayed him, turning up slightly at the corner. “Yeah, well … I’m sure Raph will happy to tell you, I _was_ a little out of my mind.” He dropped his tone. “We all were.”

Donatello nodded, letting it all sink in. “So,” he started, changing the subject some, “I realize now you were right. I broke formation and they took me down, just like you said.” He bit his lip. “I guess you guys will be tightening around me even more in the future. If I’m allowed to fight at all, that is.”

Leonardo looked at his brother hard. “No. None of that matters to me anymore. Dammit, Donnie - I thought this was really it. I didn’t think there was any way you were going to pull through.” He sighed. “But you were the one that was right all along. It didn’t matter that it was you, if it had been Raph or Mikey lying there, it would’ve been the same. It was easy to play tactician when we were all healthy; in my arrogance I actually thought that it would be possible to recover from this sort of loss.” Leo looked away. “I was wrong.”

“Leo …”

But Leonardo went on. “Even though I think on it a lot, in reality I wasn’t prepared for the real thing. After watching you suffer like that - knowing that you were dying - I didn’t care about your worth to the team anymore. It didn’t matter that we were losing our genius. What mattered was that I was losing my brother.” 

Leo looked up suddenly, reaching out and grabbing a startled Donatello and pulling his body into his own. “Don’t do this to me again, Donatello,” he whispered. 

Don squeezed his brother back. “I won’t, Leo. I’m sorry.”

When they separated, both brothers felt good, despite the heaviness of their discussion. Finally, Leo said, “I think it’s time you went back to bed now, you still need your rest.” He stood, Don attempting to do the same. Clutching his staff, Don barely made it to his feet. Leo grabbed one of his elbows on the way up, trying to offer some type of support. “Donnie - get in bed now! Look at you, you can hardly stand, for crying out loud!”

“Another one of a million uses for a bo,” Don quipped, leaning heavily on the weapon. “Glad I’m not Mike or Raph, right now.”

Leo mumbled sarcastically, “That makes two of us.”

That made them both laugh a little. They exited the training room, Leo helping Don back to his room before retiring to his own.

**\----------------------------------**

The days went on, turning to weeks. After reconciling with his brothers, Donatello took a considerable turn for the better, getting stronger and livelier with each passing day. A few days in saw him back on solid foods again; within a couple of weeks he was out of bed, and within a month he was beginning basic exercises. He was still under strict instruction to take it slow, but even if he wanted to defy that order, he couldn’t have. Several weeks into training found their genius struggling to keep up, his body still becoming fatigued much more easily than it ever had before.

On this day, Donatello was done in. He’d joined his brothers earlier in the dojo for the first time since he’d awoken, even though he wasn’t quite able to fully partake in their sparring regimen yet. After some (very light) competition with his brothers, Don retired off to the side to concentrate on his katas, while the other three traded blows with each other. Finally, his body had had enough, and Don collapsed sloppily onto the bamboo mat. 

“It’s okay,” Don panted heavily, “I’m okay. I just - just overdid it …” 

Raphael reached down and took Don’s arm, trying to help him to his feet. “C’mon,” he said, “yer done.” But as soon as Don was up, his knees buckled and he came crashing down again.

“Whoa, easy! Okay, it’s alright – I got ‘em,” Raph reassured the others. He got his arms around Don’s back and legs, scooping him up like a baby. With a hearty grunt, he lifted the exhausted turtle up and started for his room. The action brought memories flooding back to him, and Raphael relived the nightmare of that first night, carrying Don in this same way back to the lair, sure his brother was dying in his arms.

“Raph, put me down, you don’t have to-” Don began to protest.

“Just relax,” he said, sounding annoyed. “Ya shouldn’t a pushed yerself so hard. It ain’t a contest. Ya got plenty of time.”

“I know.” _I’m just tired of being so weak,_ Don thought, but didn’t say aloud.

Raphael laid his brother down lightly on his bed. “Alright. Take it easy for a bit. You need anything?”

“No, I’m fine. Um, thanks.”

Raphael just grunted in response. He turned to leave.

 _Weak. I feel so weak._ “Wait – Raph. Can I ask you something?”

He paused in the doorway. “What?”

“When you and I were on the roof that night – the night I was attacked? And you were taking out the Foot soldiers up there …” He stalled, looking for the right words.

“What about it?” Raph narrowed his eyes. He didn’t like where this was going already.

“Did those guys … what do they do, when you break their necks? Do they … make a sound? Do they feel it?” He paused again, stumbling over the words. “Do you, um – do you ever wonder about their families, or where they come from?”

Raphael huffed. “Hmph. Why would I? They’re all assholes.”

“Oh. Okay.” Don looked crushed, ashamed for asking in the first place. 

Raphael realized his mistake, immediately feeling like the world’s biggest jackass. _Oh, fuck me._ He took a few steps back in, idly toying with some piece of random junk on Don’s desk while he talked. “Ah, well, y’know … I guess I do, but,” he said with a nervous laugh, “it ain’t exactly somethin’ I like to talk about, is all.”

“Oh, yeah.” Don brightened considerably. “Sure, I understand.”

They were both silent for a little while, until Raphael spoke again. “I wonder, um … if they’re kids.”

“What’s that?”

Raph cleared his throat. “I wonder if they’re young, like teenagers or somethin’. Y’know, the Foot soldiers. You can’t see under the masks, an’ …”

“Yeah.” Don looked intensely at his brother. “I wonder that too. What if they’re just - I don’t know, going through a phase? What if they’re good people at heart? Maybe they could change?” His fought back a yawn. “I don’t know, I guess it sounds stupid.”

“No it doesn’t.”

They both looked up at the familiar voice. Leonardo stood in the doorway, leaning against the side of it. “You’re right, you know. Few people are completely good or evil, it’s always a grey area.” He came into the room until he was side-by-side with Raph. “It’s war, Donnie. Good, bad – it doesn’t matter. Some fight for a purpose, an idea. Some fight to protect themselves, or others. We eliminate our enemies because they’re a threat to us. But they see us as the same, at least on the individual level. It’s unavoidably tragic,” he said, frowning, “but that’s war. Sometimes good people die. And sometimes good people kill.” 

Silence. Then: “But Leo … it doesn’t have to be like that.”

“Listen, Donnie.” Leonardo kept an easy tone, but remained firm. “Not everyone in the world is as smart as you are. If we all subscribed to the same way of thinking, then there would be no real threat to us. Our enemies would allow us our existence, and we’d have no reason to fight in the first place.”

At those words, a brief smile passed over Raphael’s features, before he caught himself. _Not havin’ to worry about the Foot … I could get used to that. ‘Course, I guess I_ would _get bored after a while._

“I’ll tell you why I do it, why I choose to kill our enemies.” Leo drew in a breath. “I do it because I want to stop this. I want to stop _him,_ from coming after us. But to get to the heart, we have to sever the limbs first. The Shredder is ruthless, merciless – surrounding himself with his most loyal. The ones he sacrifices for that cause,” Leo said, with a sudden air of pity, “he has no concern towards.”

 _He’s thinkin’ about her,_ Raph realized. When they’d last battled on the rooftops, Raphael had also noticed the wound on Karai’s cheek. He also knew it wasn’t caused by any of them, and he had his own suspicions about that.

“And so,” Leo continued, “I don't believe I bear the full responsibility of that. Our enemy, _Oroku Saki,”_ he said, spitting the name out, “he began this, out for our blood, knowing full well that he sends each one of them to their deaths, and for a dishonorable reason. And while I would love to leave it at that, unfortunately it’s not that simple.” He added, “It’s easy to lay blame on the one giving the orders, but some also lies in the individual himself. Everyone has a choice, in who or what they follow. I do wonder if some are blind, if they don’t understand who Saki is, or what he’s capable of. But I know most aren’t. They join the Foot Clan for the power, just like any other gang on the streets. And so they too, deserve whatever fate comes of that.”

Leo centered on Donatello, making sure he understood what he was about to say next. “But of course, most of the responsibility lies with me. It is my hand that takes my enemy’s life, and that is always my choice. But I do it because I need to stop them from multiplying, to give us some sort of leverage in this war. I do it to protect us. When we were young,” Leo went on, “and we chose our weapons, Master Splinter went into great length over the consequences of fighting with them. It was important that we exercise caution in sparring with each other of course, but there was more to it than that. He wanted us to understand this way of life … to know that it brings with it heavy consequences.”

“I remember,” Donatello said.

“You remember the lectures that we all had, as a group. What you don’t know is that Sensei pulled Raph and I aside and spoke to us alone.” He looked up at Raphael. “You remember?”

“How could I forget.” He mumbled, shifting his feet, “Gave me nightmares for weeks.”

“Yeah. Those talks were … pretty intense. See, Raph and I had chosen bladed weapons, and Master wanted to be sure that we understood the lethality of them.” Leo swallowed. “Running a man through with your weapon, feeling his blood rush over your hand … it’s much more intimate than other methods of defense.”

He glanced over at Raphael again. “Even though it was terrifying to us both at the time, in the end we decided to stay with what we’d chosen. Part of that was because of our natural proficiency with them. But it was also because Master showed Raph and I that we had to be strong, and look out for you and Mikey, because you were the younger ones. It was more of a … _philosophy,_ of sorts. We had to be able to handle anything.” Again, he and Raph shared a knowing look. 

“The main purpose of our training has always been towards our survival, for self-defense.” He again centered on Donatello. “And that’s all it is, Donnie. Self-defense. It doesn’t matter to me whether or not the guys you take down are breathing when they fall, so long as they don’t get back into the fight.”

“Yup. An’ you do that just fine. S’matter of fact, ya usually knock ‘em down faster than we do.”

Don smiled a little. “Well, the long range of the bo does offer an advantage when fighting groups.” His smile faded. “So do you guys ever regret it? I mean, ever regret choosing the weapons you did?”

“I’ve had some doubts over the years, sure.” Leo said, again looking over at Raphael.

Raph got that uncomfortable look again, like he was revealing too much information. “Yeah, maybe. But it is what it is. I don’t know any other way, now.”

“But - you guys could stop. You could train with something different. It doesn’t have to be like this.”

“It’s not that simple,” Leo said. “Forget that we’ve spent most of our lives mastering these specific weapons; now, against the Foot, it’s essential we get the upper hand whenever possible.” Leo attempted to choose his next words carefully. “Raph and I have the advantage of dispatching our foes without the worry that they may re-enter the fight. It’s a quick, efficient way to get the job done.”

“But I don’t do that. So, I’m not really as efficient as you guys," Donatello said. “That was kind of what I was getting at.” 

“Let me finish.” Leonardo was in full-on older brother mode, and when he spoke next, his words came with that same mix of pride and concern that Don had heard that night between them in the dojo. “What I’m trying to say is, you are every bit as efficient as we are. We’ve been fighting together for as long as we’ve known, yet each one of us walks his own path. We have different skills, different strengths and weaknesses. I simply don’t have the skill to do what you do. I can only fight the way I know how, and unfortunately, my way means death.”

“Yeah, he’s right,” Raph added. “Even Mikey don’t always kill the guys he goes at, but a lotta times he does. We just do it, y’know, quick an’ dirty. None of the rest of us is good enough to fight without killin’.”

Don looked a little stunned. “You guys really mean that?”

“Absolutely. Believe me, if you were faltering in battle, I’d let you know.” 

“Huh. Ain’t _that_ the truth.” Raphael scowled.

Leonardo laughed softly. “Right, just look at how much I have to get after this guy! That alone should tell you that you’re doing fine. Even Mikey’s a pain in the ass sometimes.”

“I heard that.” Mike slipped around the corner suddenly. “My ninja-sense can pick up smack-talking a mile away, Leo. Pretty weak, digging into a guy when he’s not even here.”

“Well – _Michelangelo_ \- if I didn’t have to constantly stay on you, then there would be nothing to complain about.”

“Stay on – right.” He turned towards Raphael, a big grin on his face. “So how do you turn this guy off?” 

Raph grumbled, “Ya can’t. Story a my life.” They both snickered at Leo’s expense.

“You guys are hilarious,” Leo deadpanned. Turning back to Don, he said, “What brought this on anyways, Donnie? Why are you thinking about this stuff right now?”

“Oh, I don’t know … I guess I’m just eager to get back to normal.” He sighed. “I can’t even get through basic training exercises.” 

“It’ll come, you just have to be patient.” Leo looked at him more closely. “Are you sure that’s all?”

Donatello looked away, a little embarrassed. “It was that dream, that nightmare … the one you guys pulled me out of. There was this huge battle, and um … I kind of lost it, I was killing people. Lots of people.” He couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud, how he’d cut down Raph and Mike. 

“We saw it,” Leo said.

Donatello nodded. So there was no need to say after all. He hadn’t been sure how much they knew until now. “But in the dream, it felt so _good_ to do it. It gave me feeling of great power, like I’ve never felt before.” He chewed his lip. “So, does it? Does it … feel like that, at all?”

“Donnie.” Leo looked at him a little shocked. “It was just a dream. It never feels good to take a life, even that of an enemy.” He relaxed. “I know you, and I know that it’s nothing to be afraid of. You would never take pleasure from such a thing. None of us would.”

Donatello looked satisfied with that. “Okay.”

 _“Ugh.”_ Mike groaned, tilting his head back. _“What_ are you guys _talking_ about in here?” Mike looked like what he’d heard was causing him pain.

“We’re havin’ a serious discussion here. It’s a little over your head, I think.” Raphael scowled at him.

Mike shoved him. “Whatever. I can be serious. I just _seriously_ kicked your butt in practice. Does that count?”

“Oof, Mikey,” he spoke through his teeth, “you are _cruisin’_ right now.”

But Raph’s reaction only served to encourage the younger turtle. Leaning towards Donnie, he added, “No offense Donnie, but I don’t think Raph rushed over to help you just for _your_ benefit.”

Mike knew what was coming and was ready for it. Or he thought he did. He ducked instinctively, sensing Raph’s movement, but amazingly enough, no attack came. Instead, he felt something at his waist. Looking down, he immediately realized what had happened.

“Aw, c’mon!” Mike tossed both hands in the air in disbelief.

Raph was back standing where he had been, almost as if he’d never moved at all. Only he was holding both of Mike’s nunchaku in his hands, twirling one mockingly and looking quite pleased with himself.

Leo, watching the scene casually, shared a look with his unofficial second-in-command. “Nice,” he said.

“Alright, give ‘em back …”

“You know the rules,” Raph said, still twirling away. “You gotta get ‘em back.”

“We’re not in the dojo, it doesn’t count!”

Raph just smiled wider. “Huh, good point. See ya in there.” He started to walk out. “Later, Donnie,” he shouted back over his shoulder. “Get some sleep.”

Cursing under his breath, Mike scrambled to his feet and followed Raph out. When they were gone, Leo said, “Good advice. I’ll leave you too.” But before he left, Leo paused at the door with a final thought. “I heard Raph dig into you about pushing yourself so hard.”

Donatello yawned, barely able to keep awake any longer. _Here comes one last lecture,_ he thought. “Yeah, I’ll be more careful next time.”

“On the contrary, I’m glad to see you’re serious about it.” Donatello blinked a few times, surprised at his answer. “Don’t listen to Raph,” he added, smiling, “he wouldn’t take his own advice anyways. You know what you’re doing.” He shrugged, smiling. “You always have.” 

He slipped out after that. Don stared at the ceiling for a few moments before sleep took him, working over what Leo had said, and Raph too. Strange to hear them talk about their weapons; stranger still to hear how they admired his ability. But definitely good. At first he’d thought maybe they were putting him on a little, just trying to boost his confidence. But by the end, there was little doubt to their sincerity.

Once Don had been in the clear, he knew that the three of them had started going out on patrols again. But in talking to Mike, Don had learned that they were staying out of the Foot’s territory, sticking mostly to the boundaries and picking off the occasional soldier or two. Don had wondered if Leo was just nervous about jumping right back into it after all that had happened. But after this conversation, he wasn’t so sure. Perhaps it was his ego talking, but he thought maybe Leo didn’t feel confident taking them into the more concentrated areas until Don was back with them. 

Even Leo’s last words to him now had driven the point home. Leo wasn’t just talking about training, he was talking about everything. _You know what you’re doing, you always have._ They’d never looked at Don as holding them back. His worries over his ability had been unfounded from the very beginning. 

It was his brothers that helped him see that. One could argue a lot of points against his life, over the way they lived, or how they were forced to live. But right then, Donatello wouldn’t have changed a thing. As he finally dropped off to sleep, his last thought was to just how fortunate he really was.


	17. Chapter 17

After a few weeks, Donatello was able to begin sparring at full capacity again, though each brother that paired with him took it easy on him at first (not that they would’ve said so). But soon that passed as well, and before they knew it, Don was a formidable opponent once again. It was a lesson Michelangelo found out the hard way, unfortunately, as he spent the rest of that first day nursing his many bruises.

Months passed and things edged back into normalcy on all fronts. Leo began taking all four out for topside training, though he was still careful to keep them to the shadows in order to avoid confrontation. When asked, he would say that he just wanted to make sure that they didn’t see real battle until Don was fully healed, but with Don’s skills back on par, it was a shaky excuse. His brothers suspected the real reason. Each had tried to breach the subject on different occasions, but Leo put them off each time with the same answer, insisting that there was time enough to decide how to deal with Karai and the Foot Clan.

“Oh, there you are! Thanks for coming guys.” April opened the door wide, letting them enter. “It was the weirdest thing,” she started. "He just stood right there, watching me. It was really creepy.” When April had called and said that there was a Foot soldier standing outside her window, they’d dropped everything and rushed to her place immediately. “Casey’s out somewhere, he’s not answering his phone,” she grumbled, “I wasn’t sure if I should call the police, or what. I don’t know, I’m always a little uneasy about getting the cops involved.”

“You did the right thing, April.” Donatello reassured her. “But in the future, be ready to call them just in case. We might not be able to get here in time.”

“So what happened, where did he go?” Leo questioned her, right to the point.

Shrugging, she said, “Well, after I got off the phone with you guys, he stood there for a few more seconds and then just took off.” 

Leo nodded. “It’s a message. It’s okay, April – I think this one’s for us.” He narrowed his eyes, thinking.

Don spoke low. “Karai?”

Leonardo just nodded in affirmation. Suddenly, he said, “Okay guys, let’s go.” He headed for April’s window, climbing onto the fire escape there.

“Hey wait a minute - you wanna maybe talk about this before we go in? Tell us what the plan is?” Raphael called after him.

“Nope.”

Exasperated, Raph tossed his hands in the air, following his brother nevertheless. “Oh, whatever. Suit yourself, Fearless.”

**\----------------------------------**

They stood on the roof of April’s building, all four side by side and facing Karai. She was alone, the Foot "messenger" nowhere to be seen now. The wind blew lightly, trailing the ends of their masks along with it.

No one said anything at first. Then, Donatello suddenly bowed to her, holding it for several seconds before rising again. When he straightened, Karai gave him a slight nod, just enough to formally accept his gesture.

Watching them, Leonardo finally addressed her. “Karai,” he said firmly, “we owe you our thanks.”

Again, she dipped her chin slightly in response. “And as we agreed?”

“I will keep my word. My family and I will leave the city tonight.”

“The hell we will!” Raphael exploded, turning on Leo instantly.

“Raphael.” Leo’s voice was a warning. “It’s over. We have Don back, that’s all that matters.”

“Yeah, exactly! Don’s fine, what’s to stop us from doin’ whatever we want? And don’t start in again about honor – the Foot don’t give a shit about honor!”

“No, but Karai does.” He looked at the female ninja. “And we owe that to her.”

“So we’re gonna let the Shredder go an’ do whatever he wants? Fuckin’ unbelievable.” Raphael was boiling, getting hotter with each outburst. He turned and paced a few steps in frustration, before continuing on. “Okay, how ‘bout this? You saw what that stuff did to Donnie – you think they’re not gonna use that on other people? I don’t care who you are, nobody deserves to go through that.”

Leo stole a glance at Karai then, searching her face for a reaction. It was there. He said, “That’s no longer our concern, Raph.”

“Fuck that! I ain’t goin’. I’ll die before I give up the fight!” He drew his sai.

“We had an agreement.” Leo spoke slowly, as if he were explaining it to a child. “And that’s that.”

Leo’s condescending tone threw Raphael over the edge. He showed his teeth. "I've fuckin' had it with your stupid alliance with this woman. In case ya forgot, _we're_ your brothers, Leo - who the hell is she? You don't owe her nothin'. She's the goddamn enemy, remember!"

"If it weren't for Karai, Donatello would not be here now. Raphael - I want you to _stand down."_ Leonardo hardly raised his voice, but the order was firm.

But Raphael wasn’t about to let it go so easily. "Yeah well if it weren't for her damn Foot, Donnie wouldn't a got poisoned in the first place - or did you forget that part?" Raphael gripped his sai menacingly. "An' what about all the other fights? All the times we stopped these guys from doin’ all the terrible shit they do? The weapons shipments we intercepted at the docks? The clubs in Chinatown that pay him for protection, sellin’ girls – _young girls,_ Leo! And let’s not forget all the people they’ve beat up, murdered – innocent people! Shredder’s in with every gang and mafia in this damn town. The cops and politicians are _paid,_ Fearless. We’re all that’s left to stop him, an’ you know it!”

Again, Leonardo watched Karai very carefully during Raph's speech. Again, he detected a change in her look. Turning to his brother, he said, "It's no longer our fight Raph. As your leader, I order you to stand down!" He shouted the last part, watching without surprise as the words created a look of maddening rage on the figure before him.

Raphael stood in the eye of the storm. He just looked at Leonardo for a few seconds, panting and seething with frustration. To the surprise of all, he didn’t actually make a move for his brother. Instead, he whipped his head around suddenly and centered on Karai. “This is all your fault,” he growled, and went for her. Her sword was out instantly, ready to meet him, but Raphael never made it that far. 

“Raph!” Someone yelled his name and a weapon appeared in front of him, blocking him from getting to Karai. But when Raphael looked down, it wasn’t a katana as he expected. It was a long, wooden staff.

“Raph, please don’t.” Donatello looked at him apologetically. 

“Donnie, you can’t be serious! You know we can’t do this – the Shredder ain’t gonna stop! You really want other people to go through what you did?”

“No way.” Donatello looked almost sick at the thought. “But we don’t have a choice. If this is what Karai wants,” he said, turning to look at her, “then their blood will be on her hands.” And as Donatello looked into her eyes then, he saw for a fleeting moment what he suspected Leo must’ve always known. There was the conflict, the uncertainty over whether or not what she was doing was right. 

Raphael, though he’d been shocked into a slightly calmer state, did not share his brother’s optimism. “An’ what does _she_ care about that?” Now Raphael too, looked at her, his eyes full of hate. “Innocent lives mean nothin’ to the Foot.”

She returned his look. “Do not pretend to know me, _turtle.”_ She moved away from the two of them then, facing Leonardo once again. “I have seen many more things than my father is aware of." She paused there for a few moments, that same look of doubt present once again. “I am not satisfied with our original agreement, as I am now concerned that things may become - _unbalanced_ – with your clan absent. I have meditated on this much, Leonardo. And so, I propose an alternative."

“Go on.”

“I will free you from your obligation, provided you grant me this one thing: do what you must, but spare his life. Just spare him, and I will agree to do the same for your family.” 

He understood. Though the Shredder was his greatest enemy, Leonardo knew that somehow he’d been a father to this woman. It was difficult to imagine him caring for her as she grew, but Leo supposed it wasn’t impossible. Her loyalty to him may have wavered at times, but her love for him never would.

He thought on it for several moments. Could he really agree to this? “If it came to blows and one of my clan was threatened, I would be unable to hold back.”

“I understand, if it is a matter of death, that you would have no choice. That is not what I am asking. I only request that should you find yourself in a situation where you have the upper hand, you would allow him to live.” She stood rigid, statue-like. “I would do the same. I have done so more than once in the past, as you well know.”

“Yes, I am aware. And grateful.” He looked at Donatello briefly. “But the Shredder … he will always be a threat to us alive.”

She looked away, gathering herself for the next statement. “There are many ways to … _incapacitate …_ a ninja without taking his life.” She tried to bite back on her shame at that statement, but it was too obvious. 

Leonardo was shocked. He couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. “So, if I were to take his eyes, for instance – I’m to believe that you’ll just sit back and let that happen?”

“No. I will do everything to stop you, of course.”

“Of course.”

She was giving him an alternative to exile, and Leonardo didn’t want to lose that opportunity. But it wasn’t enough. He also knew that if he agreed to this, that there would be no going back on it. Karai would never allow leniency with this and he would forever be bound by honor to allow the Shredder to keep his life. _And even if I do "incapacitate" him,_ he thought, _it wouldn’t matter._ Leo knew that the Shredder was far too powerful in stature for it to make a difference. Even if they were to leave him a paraplegic, Saki still had an army of loyal followers at his command. He decided to call her bluff. 

Straightening, he spoke with reservation. “I am sorry, Karai – I cannot accept. Your father has sworn death on my family, and I know he will never relent while he lives.” His face suddenly went dark. “And I will never forgive what he did to Donatello.”

“I ask for so little. I have sacrificed much to help you, Leonardo.”

He looked at her with genuine regret. “I know. Again, I am sorry Karai. But you must understand, this war will continue until your father falls. I must protect my family,” he told her, “even if it means exiling ourselves and letting the Foot take the city.” 

Raphael let out a low growl just then and raised his weapons but Donatello, who was still standing close to him, laid a hand on his shoulder before he could act. He gave Raph a reassuring look that said: _just wait a second ... watch._

“But,” Leo added, “you have revealed much to us, today. For as much hatred as I bear towards your father and your clan, know that it does not extend to you, Karai. It is important to me, that you understand that I respect your actions. And I sympathize with your position.”

She did not respond at first. When she finally spoke next, she sounded distant. “When I investigated the labs, I found more information than I was looking for. There were hundreds of vials – diseases, toxins, lethal compounds I could not identify. The poison used on your brother was one of many being developed there. The scale of this operation was … much larger, than I expected.” She sounded bitter. “We are ninja, assassins when we need to be, but we do what we do with our own hands. What use do we have for this … _bioweaponry?”_ She again looked downwards, ashamed. “And so, I feel I have no choice but to free you from our agreement, regardless of whether or not you honor my request. My master – he does not always listen to reason, and if he will not hear me, then perhaps this is all I can do to curb him.” She reached up, stroking the scar on her cheek lightly.

He moved in close to her. “You could join us,” he whispered. “You wouldn’t have to be _ronin.”_

She seemed to consider it a moment, but ultimately responded in the same way that she always did. “I cannot leave my clan. I owe my life to them, to my master. I know it is difficult for you to understand, Leonardo, but the same loyalty you carry for your own family … I am bound by duty to mine, as well.” She turned from him suddenly, leaping deftly onto the nearby ledge. “Farewell, Leonardo. When next we meet, I will not stay my sword.” 

He nodded to her. She disappeared soundlessly over the side of the building.

Ordinarily, Raphael would’ve made a rude comment, but the conversation he’d just witnessed changed him. He’d never understood until now why Leo always defended this woman. Now he saw another side to the whole thing. _He feels sorry for her,_ he thought, _he wants to save her._ She did sound like she was trapped, not entirely in control of her situation. And the way she talked about her duty and loyalty – it was no wonder why Leo found it in him to sympathize with her. _I guess she really ain’t all bad,_ he thought, _after all, she didn’t make us go, and she saved Donnie’s life._ That last one especially was almost enough for Raph to forgive quite a lot of what she’d put them through over the years.

He returned to his position by Leo’s side, clapping a heavy hand down on his shoulder. Leo didn’t move, instead keeping his stare fixed on the spot Karai had occupied just moments before. The disappointed way he looked now, the longing in his voice earlier – there was no doubt in Raphael’s mind now, Leo definitely felt something for her. 

“She might still come around Leo. Just give it time.”

Leonardo looked a little surprised. “Yeah. I don’t know.” He sighed. “The day we kill Saki, she’ll take his place, both as leader of the Foot Clan, and as our enemy. She’ll never forgive us for it, I know that now.” He thought, _she’ll never forgive me._

**\----------------------------------**

“That went perfectly, Leo. Sensei would be proud.” Don grinned. The four of them trudged through the sewers, heading back after the confrontation with Karai.

“Thanks. I have to admit, I was a little worried there for a minute. You didn’t miss your cue, though.”

“What the hell are you two goin’ on about?” Annoyed, Raph turned to Leonardo. “Oh no - _don’t_ try an’ tell me you had all that planned.”

A sly smile crept over Leonardo’s face. “Well, of course I couldn’t be _positive_ that she’d back down, but yeah - I had a feeling things would work out in our favor.”

“Bullshit,” Raph said, but Leo’s expression didn’t change. “So Donnie-”

“-followed my instructions perfectly.” Leo finished. “Better than that, really.” He looked at Don. “What you said, about the blood on her hands? Nice touch.”

“Well,” Donatello said, beaming, “it was the truth, after all.”

“You guys gotta be kiddin’ me. So how come I wasn’t in on this?”

“I didn’t tell you,” Leo said, “because I knew you would flip out just like you did. And I knew the more things got out of control, the more likely it was for Karai to sympathize with our situation.” His features fell slightly. “Just like before.” Raphael knew right away what he meant. All three of them had lost composure during the previous meeting with Karai. Their outburst had helped to move her then, and Leo had apparently thought that the same thing might happen a second time. 

Leo spoke up again. “I do feel bad about manipulating her, though. It feels a little … sneaky on our part.”

“Oh, but manipulatin’ me is just fine.” 

Leo grinned. “You’ll get over it. Besides, I wanted to be sure you sounded genuine. And boy, did you ever do your part.” He laughed, the other two joining in. 

“Hmph.” Raph scowled.

Leo went on. “In all seriousness though, I was pretty sure that this was what Karai wanted in the first place. She just needed a little push.” He suddenly sounded a little distant. “It seems I was right about that.”

“Man, that’s pretty awesome, Leo!” Mike chimed in, “But how come you guys didn’t tell me? I didn’t even do anything!”

“Because you, little brother,” Leo teased, rubbing Mike playfully on the head, “have a big mouth. Your role in this was to keep quiet. Which you did, perfectly.”

“Awesome! Best mission ever!” Mike skipped ahead a bit and added, “Race you guys back!”

“Whatta little cheater,” Raph said, noting the gap the youngest turtle had already put between them.

“Hold on.” Donatello stopped in his tracks, readying his throw. It was too dim to see properly, but a second later they heard Mike crash to the ground with a yell. Donatello took off like a shot, bending only slightly to retrieve his staff from where it had tangled itself between Mike’s legs. As the three of them bolted past, they heard Mike’s disappointed yell echo from the sewer behind. 

_“Donnie! That’s not fair!”_

**\----------------------------------**

The days passed. Donatello found himself back in his lab more and more as time went on, falling effortlessly back into his old rut of tinkering into the wee hours of each morning. And that’s where he most likely would’ve been, were any of his brothers looking for him.

"Hey, there ya are." Raphael, after searching high and low, finally located their genius not in the lab for a change, but in the garage. Two green feet were sticking out from beneath their van, sparks shooting in all directions. Raph crouched down next to the vehicle and looked, shouting louder this time. "Hey Donnie!"

Donatello jumped with a yell, dropping the tool in his hand. Grabbing the edge of the van, he slid out on the wheeled creeper he was currently lying on. He curtly flipped up the welding mask and said, "Do you have to scare me like that?"

"Heh, sorry _ninja._ Guess I assumed you had the skills to hear someone walk right up on ya." Raph grinned.

"Yeah, well - most ninjas don't exactly walk around with welding torches in their ear." He sat up. "Did you want something?"

"Yup. Bike's on the fritz again - makin' some weird noise all a the sudden."

Donatello rolled his eyes. "As if I didn't have enough to do." He stood, brushing himself off. "Okay, so what's the problem exactly? What sort of noise?

"I dunno, sounds like it's coughin'. Like somethin's wrong with the exhaust." That made Don chuckle. "What?"

"Well," Don said, "it's probably not the exhaust. It could be several things. The engine could be having problems, I might have to tune the jetting .... maybe the capacitor needs tweaking ..." 

"Uh, Donnie?”

"... I'll have to adjust the valves again ... and check the ignition coil. Temperature could be a factor as well ..."

"Donnie!"

"Huh?” Don snapped back out of his head. “Oh, sorry. Well, I'm just going to have to listen for myself, I guess. Right now I've got to give the van a little more attention – maybe another hour or so before I finish here. I'll take a look as soon as I'm done." He pulled the welding mask back down.

"Alright." Raph added, "Thanks." He began to leave, but turned back as an afterthought. "Hey, uh ... maybe I could help ya out with it?"

"Huh?" Donatello flipped the mask back up. "What do you mean, help with what?"

"Y'know, with the bike." Raph looked embarrassed. "Not that I’ll be able to do much, but uh ... I'd kinda like to watch what your doin’, I guess."

Don's eyes went wide. "You would?"

"Yeah! What, I can't learn somethin' new?”

Don chuckled again. “Well, sure. I guess I’m just a little surprised.” He looked at Raph suspiciously. “Why do I get the feeling that my recent injury is to blame for this change of heart?” He sighed. “It’s okay, Raph. You don’t have to pretend to be interested for my sake.”

Raphael reached back and ran his fingers through the tails on his mask nervously. “Ah c’mon, it ain’t like that.” He looked uneasy on his feet, shifting from one to the other. “Alright, well – maybe it is a little. It’s just that, I dunno, when you were layin’ in there, and we thought you were dyin’ … I guess I realized how quick it could happen - to any of us, y’know? And I ain’t always been a good brother. I guess maybe I got some regrets.” 

“So you’re turning over a new leaf huh? Is this the beginning of a kinder, gentler Raphael?”

“Pfft. I wouldn’t go as far as _that.”_ They both laughed. “But yeah … I guess I also realized that you and I, we just don’t really hang out that much, Donnie. An’, I dunno. I guess I feel kinda bad about that.”

“Aw, Raphie …” Don said, calling him by the name they did as children. “I appreciate it, but that’s not really your fault.” He shrugged. “I get too wrapped up in my projects; I’m really reclusive a lot of times. If anything, this experience has taught me that I need to come out of my cave more often and spend more time with all of you.”

“Heh, yeah. No doubt. Not to mention it would keep Leo from complainin’ about it all the time. And the less that happens, the better.”

Don chuckled. “Fair enough. I don’t mean to, you know. I just get to working on something, and it’s hard to tear away from it. It seems like there’s always something around here that needs my attention, and I am working with _very_ limited resources. Sometimes I just have to troubleshoot over and over again until I can get something to work. And by the time I finish, I look at the clock and hours or days have gone by. I don’t know why, I just get so involved that I totally lose track of time.”

“It's 'cause you're a nerd, and nerds always obsess over the crap they love,” he said. "Just look at Mikey and his dumb comics."

“And here I thought you were being nice for a change,” Don said in mock-annoyance. “Well, anyways, don’t worry about the bike. I know how boring this stuff is to the rest of you, so you’re off the hook.”

Raphael gave Don such a serious look just then, it startled the genius. “Nah, Donnie, I want to. We’re not indestructible, I guess I’m learnin’ that now. I just – I don’t wanna take it for granted that you and the other guys’ll always be around.”

Donatello looked at his brother hard. Suddenly, his expression changed, and he laughed softly. 

“What?”

“You always brood so much.” He teased. “You and a certain _other_ member of the family share that in common.”

“Hmph. I didn’t come in here to be analyzed, Sigmund.” He scowled. “Now, seriously – are ya gonna show me how to fix my bike, or what? All that other stuff aside, I am actually kinda interested in learnin’ what makes it tick. ‘Sides, if you teach me some stuff, maybe I won’t have to bug ya for every little thing that goes wrong with it.”

Don chewed it over. "Well, you have a point there.” He smiled wide, looking slightly excited. “Alright! Well, first things first. Now just let me just find some reading material …” He moved over to the workbench and began shuffling though some books. “Ah, here we are. User manual (of course, you have to start with that) … here’s another on basic engine care … this one deals with the electrical systems and circuit boards-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa – slow down there, Einstein. Look, I’m not tryin’ to build the freakin’ thing from scratch. Let’s just start with some basic stuff, alright?”

Don laughed. “What’s the matter, am I moving too fast for you? Hey, if you really want to learn this stuff, this is where you have to start. Once you get through those, then we’ll talk.”

“Ah for love a - you're gonna make me regret this, aren’t ya?” Scooping up the books regardless, Raphael was still grumbling even as he walked out. 

_I’ll bet he doesn’t last a week,_ he thought with a smile. But although he was slow to learn and easily frustrated, Raphael did stick with it nonetheless, much to his brother’s surprise. And Donatello found himself glad for it.

**\----------------------------------**

Though eager to get going on several projects, Donatello’s talk with Raphael in the garage that day caused him to procrastinate a little. Time it seemed, had healed all of his wounds, and not just the physical. He’d experienced a good deal of insomnia off and on in those first few months, but even those episodes had lessened over time, and as far as his family was concerned, Don appeared to have reverted back to being the same mutant ninja turtle he’d ever been. But to say that he remained unchanged by the experience wouldn’t be the truth. Donatello would never entirely forget the nightmares that had torn his mind apart, the images that threatened his sanity; the screams of his loved ones as they suffered and died by his own hand. A part of that would always remain with him.

 _But it’s alright,_ he thought, _because none of that was real._ If any good came of it, it was the fact that it served to show him what was really important. And maybe not just him. Raphael’s admission of not wanting to take their lives for granted rang more true to them all. It was easy to forget, in the day-to-day, how dangerous it all really was, and how everything could change so fast.

With that in mind, Donatello had decided to shelve his inventions on this particular evening, instead taking the night to join the others in the living room for some downtime. All four brothers sat around now, as Michelangelo flipped through channels on the TV. _I certainly won’t ever take this for granted again,_ Don mused to himself. _It just feels so good to have things back to normal._

“Donnie!” Mike shouted.

“Huh?” Don snapped out of his thoughts.

“I said, UFC or WWE? Raph wants to watch UFC, but those fights are so boring, usually. Leo said he doesn’t care which – what do you vote?”

“You okay, Don?” Leo looked over at him, concerned.

“Oh - yeah. Heh.” Don’s eyes betrayed him, the slight glossiness of them being what tipped his brother off. He rubbed at them, trying to play it off. “I was just thinking.” The situation brought a flashback suddenly, one from that awful dream – he and Leo sitting and reminiscing on the rooftop, before the real madness had begun. _Ugh,_ he thought disjointedly, _déjà vu all over again._ “I’m just, uh … really glad I decided to come hang out with you guys tonight.”

“Aw, c’mon. Don’t get all emotional. We’re just watchin’ TV.”

“Mike, don’t be a jerk.” Leo shot his youngest brother a look.

“Whatever. Is it too much to ask to just be able to get through one show without somebody bursting into tears around here?”

“Mike!” Leo frowned at him.

Raphael chuckled. “You're one to talk, ya big crybaby. Sounds t’me like you're cryin’ right now.”

“Dude, I’m _complaining._ it’s not the same thing. Alright, whatever - _sorry_ Donnie. So what do you wanna watch?”

Donatello thought for a second. “Oh! It’s going on six. I believe _Mythbusters_ is on …” Don sounded hopeful.

“Aw ...” Mike groaned, “That show’s so _boring!”_

“Mike, just put it on.” Leo huffed, exasperated.

_“Fine.”_

_“Who are the Mythbusters …”_ the announcer said. 

“A couple of dorks,” Mike added. It got a small chuckle from Raphael, but Leo just sighed.

_“… joining them are Grant Imahara, Tory Belleci …”_

“A couple more dorks.”

“Mikey!” 

_“And Kari Byron.”_ Mike suddenly snapped to attention. He turned slowly, mouth open, looking at Donatello crazily. “Kari,” he whispered.

Don looked at his manic brother confused at first, before it dawned on him. Wide-eyed, Donatello commanded, “Not a word.”

Mike snapped his mouth shut, but it seemed to be taking him great effort to keep it that way. He continued to stare at Don, ready to burst any second.

“Mikey, I mean it!” Don warned him.

“What the hell are you two goin’ on about?”

Mike couldn’t take it any longer. He jumped up, running out of the room and shouting, _“Donnie’s got a crush on the Mythbusters chick!”_ Donatello didn’t miss a step. He flew out of the room, chasing down his little brother. Mike’s cries of fear, followed by pain, stretched across the entire lair. Eventually laughter could be heard intermingled between all of the screaming.

The eldest brothers exchanged a look. “Now what the hell was that all about?”

Leo shrugged tiredly. “Your guess is as good as mine.”

**\----------------------------------**

When things had settled down, the evening found the brothers again in front of the television, joined now by their sensei, and shortly after by their human friends as well.

“Hey! I brought you guys some presents.” April rummaged in the bag. “First, tonight’s entertainment.” She held up a DVD, showing it off.

“Ooh!” Don’s eyes lit up. “The _Battles Throughout History_ series - I read about this. It sounded like an intriguing documentary.” He took it from her, looking over the description on the back. “I think you’ll really appreciate this, Leo – it focuses a great deal on several conquerors and their war strategies.”

“Sounds great.” Leo smiled, but he seemed a little worn down. His demeanor had changed little, since that night on the rooftops. _Still thinking about her,_ Don figured.

Raph didn’t look thrilled. “Ya lost me at ‘documentary’.”

“You lost _me_ at _‘ooh’,”_ Mike added. “Anything Donnie gets excited about _has_ to be a snooze-inducer.”

“Ah, don’t worry guys, I gotcha covered.” Casey chimed in. “Ape let me pick one out too. Catch was, she said it had to be historical – so I got this.” He held up a copy of the movie _300._

“Awesome!” Mike exclaimed. “Blood, violence, and boobs - now we’re talking! If they taught history like this, I’d be a friggin’ scholar.” He cracked up, Raph and Casey joining in.

Donatello rolled his eyes. “Yeah, because a movie based on a comic book is so historically accurate.” He looked over at April and she giggled. 

“Yeah, but the comic's from a real thing in history, right?” Mike asked.

“It’s based – very loosely, I might add – on the Battle of Thermopylae. If I recall correctly, it actually started out as a group of nearly 7,000 men, all allied forces, of which the Spartan army was a part of. There was a ‘last stand’ of sorts, in the final days, and though there were indeed three hundred Spartans guarding the pass, they also had several hundred Thespians and Thebans alongside. And, interestingly enough-”

_“Okay,_ sorry I asked,” Mike groaned, cutting him off. “How about we forget the history lesson and just watch this fine cinematic adaptation instead?”

Another eye-roll from the genius prompted April to apologize. “Sorry Donnie, I had to let Casey get something.” She giggled. “Anyways, I also brought ice cream!”

“Sweet!” Mike exclaimed. “Get it, ‘sweet’?” He threw an elbow into Raphael.

“Knock it off.” Raph shoved the younger turtle.

“You guys have a seat, I’ll get us some bowls and spoons. Don, can you queue up the movie? We’d better watch the documentary first, I think - these guys will fall asleep if we put it on later.”

“Awww …” Mike lamented. “At least ice cream will take my mind off the boredom.”

“I don’t know if giving you a bowlful of sugar is the best idea,” Don said, putting the movie in the player. “It’s going to be another colorful presentation, I think.” He muttered, looking over at Leo.

Leo stepped in. “Yeah - Mikey? No narration this time. Let’s just watch this one the way it was intended for a change.”

“Dude, you can’t stifle comedic genius like mine. It’s a natural talent, Leo! I’m like a faucet, flowing with humor at all times … an endless ocean of jokes … a river, rushing with puns ...”

“… A vast sea, of terrible metaphors,” Don added, plopping down next to his oldest brother. Leo snorted laughter.

Raphael cracked his knuckles loudly. “Oh don’t worry Mikey. I’m sure we can find some way to put a cork in ya.” 

Mike gave in, leaning back and trying to get comfortable for the next hour and half of his life he knew he’d never get back. “Whatever. You guys seriously have no sense of humor.”

**\----------------------------------**

When they were all seated, Master Splinter said, “Thank you once again, Miss O’Neil, for your generosity.”

“Hey, it’s my pleasure. I’m just glad we can all get together like this again.” She leaned over and gave Donatello’s shoulder a little squeeze, smiling huge at him. He returned the look. “Oh, I just remembered – it looks like you guys could really use some dishes in there. I’ll take a look around the shop, I know I’ve got some odds and ends lying around.” She sucked on her spoon thoughtfully. “Actually your whole kitchen is looking a little rough. Did you guys have a fire in there or something? It looks like part of the wall was scorched a little.”

Everyone turned and looked at Leo, who shifted in his seat uncomfortably. “It wasn’t a _big_ fire ...” His brothers all started laughing, causing Leo to squirm even more.

April was giggling too. “No worries Leo, it happens to the best of us. So anyways, I’ll keep an eye out – I know there’s some kitchenware in back, some tablecloths, potholders - stuff like that. Oh! And I’ll bring some cans of Raid too – you guys have a real spider problem down here! There was a _huge_ one in the corner of the kitchen.” She shuddered. “Gross!”

There was silence but for the sound of Michelangelo’s spoon dropping into his bowl, a noise suddenly deafening. His eyes wide, mouth agape, he just stared right at her. _“Was?”_

“Yeah, don’t worry, I squished the sucker. Trust me, I was doing you guys a favor!”

“Oh, no.” Leo put his palm to his face.

_“EDUARDOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!”_ In most dramatic fashion, Mike fell to his knees, arms outstretched to the sky. Suddenly, he looked up and pointed at April, his eyes crazed. _“You keeled my brothar! And now – you must pay!”_

“What? What are you-” But before she could finish, a huge blob of ice cream sailed through the air, hitting April right in the chest. She howled in surprise, turning suddenly with a hand shoved down her shirt, trying to fish the icy coldness from slipping further down between her breasts.

Mikey sat frozen, painfully turning his eyes in the direction of his master. His expression said it all: _I’m in trouble, aren’t I?_

“Michelangelo!” Splinter growled.

“Bwahaha!” Raphael exploded in laughter. “Nice freakin’ shot!”

_“Raphael!”_

Raph stifled it, mumbling, “Sorry, Sensei.”

Mike stammered his apology. “Sorry April! I-I didn’t mean to! I mean I did, I just didn’t mean to hit you _there …_ I swear it was an accident! Uh …”

“That’s it, Michelangelo.” April stood up, her back still to him. She sounded furious.

_Oh man, Master Splinter’s gonna ride my ass in training for this one ..._ He didn’t even have time to finish the thought. An frigid wad of chocolate smacked him right between the eyes, splattering him. “Ah!”

Raphael lost it all over again. “Nice skills, ‘champ’! Looks like April’s ready for the ‘Nexus!” He threw his head back and laughed heartily, reveling in Mikey’s defeat.

And, as was to be expected, the next shot hit Raphael, effectively ending his laughter while simultaneously beginning what came to be known as the Great Living Room Ice Cream Disaster of ’09. The aftermath of which could be felt for days it was said, in the form of four very exhausted turtles (but one very clean lair, and an ultimately pleased master). 

And so, long after April and Casey had left that night, the brothers found themselves cleaning up gobs of gooey, melted ice cream into the wee hours of the morning. And while there were three brothers grumbling at the task, there was one that did not mind so much. Tired as he was, Donatello felt too content to let the task bother him. It had been a good night, just kicking back with friends and family. He sighed, thinking back over it all. _I remember being so terrified,_ he thought, _lost inside my own mind. Lost and alone._ His features softened. _But I never really was alone, was I?_

Donatello paused, mop in hand, and watched the other three as they washed and scrubbed each and every crevice of the room. He closed his eyes and breathed deep. _Sometimes I still think it will all be gone,_ he thought, _like I’m going to open my eyes and they won’t be there, that none of this will._

“Donnie? You fallin’ asleep over there?”

Donatello opened his eyes. All three brothers were looking at him, smiling. “Nope,” he said, grinning himself, “I’m still here.”

 

**END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (See next chapter for the Epilogue.)


	18. Chapter 18

**Epilogue**

A week came and went, but Leo was still distant. He always seemed a little off in the days following an encounter with Karai, but after this last meeting, when he’d refused her plea for the Shredder’s life – this time was different. He was bothered greatly by what had happened, and although he tried not to show it, his brothers knew him too well to suspect it was anything else.

Don sat in his lab, going over some blueprints and struggling to focus on them. He’d talked to Leo earlier that morning, and it was obvious to him that his brother was still feeling down. _I can't help but feel somewhat guilty,_ he thought, _it was for my sake that he had to engage her at all._ Sighing, he decided to take a break. Picking up the newspaper on the desk, his eyes suddenly lit upon an article on the front page. Looking closer, he started to chuckle. "Well, what do you know," he said out loud.

Hours later found Don bent over his computer once again, muttering to himself and typing strings of code. He was so involved in it that he didn't hear Leo come in.

"Donnie?"

"Yah!" Don sat upright suddenly, knocking some junk from the desk. "Sheesh, Leo! Don't sneak up on me like that!" He continued to mutter something about Leo being as bad as Raph, but Leo didn’t catch it all.

Their leader smiled. “Sorry. I forget how tuned out you get sometimes."

Don slumped in the chair, placing a hand on his chest. "No kidding. I wonder what the life expectancy is for someone living in a house of ninjas. I think I’m about due for my first heart-attack.” He attempted to catch his breath. “So what’s up?”

"Just came to tell you dinner's ready in a few, so don't be late." He smiled again, but it seemed off, not entirely genuine. He turned to go.

“Heeey Leo.” Don had a Cheshire-cat grin on his face. “Got something for you.”

Leo turned and walked back slowly, a little wary of his brother’s expression. “What is it?” 

He handed Leo the newspaper. After studying it intently for a minute or so, realization started to dawn and Leo’s face lit up. Without a word, he just looked at Don in a way that said: _is this what I think it is?_

Donatello nodded his head. “Keep it, if you want,” he said.

“Thanks Donnie!” Leo caught himself, trying to stifle his excitement, but it was hard to hide the joy he felt at what he’d read. As he left, Don called out, _“Nice that she saved us the trouble of doing it ourselves, don’t you think?”_

 

  
**MASSIVE EXPLOSION ROCKS UPPER EAST SIDE, 4 INJURED**

_Police say no leads; perpetrator “left no evidence at scene”_  


NYT 4:47 AM

The cause of an explosion on the Upper East Side today still remains a mystery, as cleanup crews search through the wreckage for answers. No casualties have been reported, but four unidentified people were transported to PHS Hospital with minor injuries shortly following the incident. Carl Reed, one of the injured, was on the night shift as janitor in one of the buildings affected. "Was the darndest thing," Reed was quoted as saying, "I felt something hit me from behind, and after that I was out cold. When I woke up, I was outside in the park over there." When asked, Reed seemed to agree that whoever demolished the structures was also responsible for his attack. "I'm in shock," he went on to say, "but I guess I'm thankful they didn't blow everything up with me inside!"

Properties affected were not residential. Among those that collapsed were several businesses on East Sixty-Eighth Street, between First and Second Avenues. All of the buildings in question were owned by a single man, local entrepreneur Oroku Saki, known most notably for his generous donations to Mayor Weste’s recent campaign. When questioned, Saki declined comment, saying only that the matter was “being investigated by his own people,” as well as the police.

Police Chief Sterns gave a statement to the press early this morning, admitting that this was an attack by an unknown person or persons, but stifled concerns that it may happen again. “From the evidence,” Sterns stated, “we believe this was a calculated attack on the properties themselves. Mr. Saki has revealed that these buildings were actually research facilities dealing in the testing of cosmetics, and we now suspect that the act was carried out by a small but local terrorist organization due to the fact that animals were being tested on site. We believe this is an isolated incident however, as Mr. Saki had been receiving threats for some time. At this time, we have no witnesses and anyone with information regarding this case is encouraged to contact their local police department, or call the hotline.”

Sterns has not been available for further comment.


End file.
